The Brave Babes Battle Bus - All Going On A Sober Holiday! <crosses fingers that it stays sunny>

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, mouse

Welcome to The Brave Babes Battle Bus, grab yourself a seat, they're really comfy and a , oh and a home-made chocolate chip before they all get eaten!

We're a Bus full of alcohol abusers/addicts, some of us say it out loud, some whisper it and some aren't ready to say it at all just yet.

That said, there are a few of us who just have the occasional drink and that's something that they can handle. There are a few of us who must NEVER have another drink because that first one will lead to many, many more which will only ever end badly.

We're open to all....there are no requirements to join us on our journey to sobriety, there's support, great laughs, tears and tantrums here and that's just me!!!

If you'd like to see how we got here, follow THIS LINK

Oh, and btw, the Bus is an expandable one Joey - 'you can check out any time you want, but you can never leave'

Stay, talk. Be xx

joey think we are going to have to try and climb back on board tomorrow and make room in the sidecar for someone else, see how you feel after work.
I think they are lucky to have you they seem as hard to please as my NSDH.

Oh lovelies. Big hugs to everyone in the sidecar tonight.

Thanks for all your kind words. I know I have a lot to be grateful for. My kids are healthy and (mostly) happy and both enjoy life. But sometimes I feel like this isn't what I signed up for when I became a mother. A friend of mine married recently. I was bridesmaid at her first wedding and her exH was a twunt. I knew it but was still her bridesmaid. She divorced eventually (no kids) and remarried recently. She had told me a lot about her now husband before they got married. Frankly he sounded so controlling and disrespectful of her. She is so desperate for children and he has agreed to have kids with her. And I think this is why she is marrying him. I had such a feeling of angst about her wedding and felt so anxious all day during the wedding. Afterwards a friend said to me that I should be happy for her if she does end up with the kids even if the marriage ends because she then has what she wants - kids. The friend then said to me. "you wouldn't change what happened to you if you could rewrite history would you? You would still have married your ex". And to be honest - although my kids are my absolute life and I honestly couldnt face life without them (to the point where I contemplated suicide and even planned it when I lost my sole residence case) I am not sure that I would have been able to do this again if I had to. It is hard to explain - I can't imagine life without them but if I could choose my time again, I wouldn't have my life like this. I want to be a mum 100% of the time with my kids with me

nono Still haven't got the words wish we were face to face but I think I know how you feel.
I wanted to get married to a man who loved me and I him, have children and live happily ever after. didn't happen that way!!!
Please don,t despair things will get better either you will decide to dispute the court order if things get too bad or things will just improve with time,children getting older etc.

night all,
DAY1 tomorrow for me.

Hello babes.

Sorry, you must be sick of me (I'm sick of me). Day 1 for me tomorrow.

Thanks kot.

Hope your kids get to sleep and we all cool down soon.

rural I agree, back on the bus tomorrow.... unless it all goes pear-shaped at work, then I will just get my own seat in the sidecar... no promises

I've remembered this is what I do stay up late, drinking, because of worries and knowing it will be hard to lie awake just thinking

spent all evening playing that stupid jigsaw puzzle game - till my arm and shoulder were in pain! rather than go to bed.

morning you darling babes!

we have had the best day ever in the history of good days!!!!

my dd and my dsil are fab, beautful and incredibly happy, dh and i have laughed and cried and generally been soppy.

keybard trble sddnly, back in a bt

Aw, what a lovely post to see first thing in the morning! Glad you had a good day.

nono I understand. I left exh when dc2 was 18months and we had shared residency. Broke my heart at times. I felt like such a failure, and my dreams were shattered. If I'd left 3 years earlier it would have so much simpler. But that's not what happened. It was very sad, and hard at times. But now I have 2 delightful adult-ish dc who are happy, well adjusted, and who have a good relationship with their dad, and with me, and with my dp, and with their step-mum and 3 step-siblings, and with all grand-parents and step-grandparents. Not what we would have wished for, but all fine, and OK. And a million time better (for us) than growing up in an abusive, loveless home.

Joey I hope things go smoothly today. If not, then come on here, or go on the employment section, and post for support/advice before you have a drink

jesus so glad to hear you had a great time xx

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Jesus - what a lovely time you all had! I'm soooooooooooooooo pleased that you saw every single moment through sober eyes. Those 'pictures' of them dancing their first dance, sitting together laughing, their heads touching as they share a kiss, crying maybe, loving each other, will remain an ungrainy, uncomplicated picture within your mind and heart for always. What a wonderful post to wake up to as LRD says.

NoNo - your life has been so similar to mine and other Babes in many ways..... the abuse, the broken promises, the planning to end it all, to leave it all because it hurts to much to even breathe

As rural said, if we were face to face it would be easier to says the words you need to hear because we could sit, and listen to you and then respond in person which can make it all the more powerful sometimes, to actually feel us sat next to you.

BUT - we're here for you now, and of course tomorrow, and the days after that too. I know it's not the same but sometimes the distance between a screen and keyboard helps you to actually open up far more than you would if you could see our faces change as you unravel your painful experiences.

Let it out, keep it in until you're ready, drive this your way NoNo.

Massive hugs to you. xx

venus - families come in all shapes and sizes these days. Apparently, I come from a broken home because my mother threw my cheating rat of a sperm donor out when I was two years old.

That was always the reason for my 'behaviour' whenever I was 'naughty' as a young child according to some

And it was the reason I was bullied at school, because my abusers also came from 'broken homes' so had no real role models to show them the way.......

DH loves DD as if she was his own flesh and blood. That's all I need from him. I need my children to be loved, cared for, respected, protected........

Be back later, Nemo needs me xx

Morning everyone, another weekend alcohol free under my belt, but I am not going to get complacent, am going to take it one day at a time.
JWN great to hear you had such a good day at the wedding and like others have said thanks for starting this thread.
Joey, good luck in work this morning!

JWN - how fab to read such a happy post. Many many congratulations!

And thanks to all of you for your loving and insightful posts. You have nearly made me cry (and as I am at work that is not such a good thing!). I am still ashamed of my personal situation and that my very young kids are not with me. Maybe when they are a few years older it wont seem so bad but at their tender age it is heartbreaking.

I am so sorry to hear of your work problems alias. Please do keep talking. And do what you need to to get through this phase as long as you keep in your heart the belief that you can and will get through it

I got up at 5.30 this morning to drive 100 miles into one of our offices so I could run before work. My boss's boss was here when I arrived at 7.45am wearing my running kit and nearly fell off his chair when I told him I was going running. I feel good for doing it though. Will be going to Pilates tonight at 7.30 too so will feel I have earned my tea tonight

There is much I could and no doubt will post about my past. I have another thread on here about my parents which is under this NN. Very painful things have happened in the past year or so which have reinforced the emotional abuse that I suffered as a child. I have gone non-contact with my parents following an incident in feb this year when the police paid me a visit. It is all set out in my thread but basically I left my kids with my mum for half an hour on the bus while I ran home and she ended up abusing 2yr old DD and the police were called by a member of the public. I am still struggling with the fact that I essentially allowed this to happen by leaving my kids with my mum. It won't happen again. Ever. I haven't had anything to do with them since then.

Anyway as you have all said, we all find ourselves on this particular thread because of things that have happened to us in the past. None of us would probably choose to walk the same paths again but a lot of us probably didn't make a conscious choice to walk the path we are on. The only conscious choice we can make now is how we decide to walk forwards. I am choosing right now not to stagger around spilling wine on my carpet. For now. And that is all i can do.

Thinking of everyone on the bus, clambering on from the sidecar or still battling. What an amazing lot we all are.

I really want to not drink today. Keep everything crossed for me please.

thanks everyone - it hasn't been too bad today (so far!) although I am so fed up with all these forms and documents. Boss has returned mine 3 times saying it is not complete - I must be stupid but I just can't figure out how to fill this in. And I was wrong, its not 8 pages long, it's 10 pages!

today fingers crossed for you! I'm hoping to join you - although I have no 'need' for the alcohol because I'm less stressed, however I have been drinking over the weekend - slippery slope - resolve is weak because of this.

Hi Today, have you a plan in place today so that you won't drink?

Joey, can imagine you are totally peed off at filling in those forms! Today is a new day, just because you drank at the weekend doesn't mean you will drink today. Today is Motivational Monday as Faire said last week:)

No real plan. Just need to stop. No excuses. I need to undo the damage and get fit. Today is 12 days without a cigarette...now to quit drinking too.

obrigada you're right, and anyway its just not worth the guilt and self-pity that follows a lapse!

My boss is being terribly nice today, I think this is either because after I left early on Friday (I was about to throw up with anxiety) I know she immediately went to see her boss about it... and maybe was told to give me a break . Or she is about to escalate my crappiness to a Level 2 - that's the one where the warning lights come on and a siren starts up - and she's trying to cushion the blow.

God I've been working so hard lately (partly this is shock because for the last year or so I've let things slide and I'm not used to hard work!!) I'm just praying that its recognised.

Good afternoon Babes,

Sorry to crash in, but I'm just back from holiday (last night), and wanted to say hello, and make sure that my ticket hadn't expired!!

Hello to all lovely new Babes, you will never be sorry that you joined the bus, it has meant the world to me.

JWN My parents were married on August 18th, 56 years ago!, I think the date is very auspicious! I'm so gald that you and all your family had a wonderful time. I echo everyone else, you should be very, very proud of yourself, and I count myself very lucky to know you. xxx

I was definitely on the bus while I was away, just a bit quiet at the back, because we only had internet connection for about an hour a day, and Dh used all of that up looking at the cricket !!!

I had my phone on for emergencies, but actually, it was ok to be internet free for a while (eeh, took me back to my youth!!!) reaches for Zimmer!!

We walked our legs off sightseeing, and hurrah, I got back, and have only put on a pound in weight in 10 days. Quite worringly, Dh has put on 7, which shows me that despite my thoughts to the contrary, I must be a right lazy girl at home, whereas Dh does tons of sport of sport at home, and works off the calories.

I have been to do a shop this morning (skinless chicken breasts and lentils all round), and also went swimming first thing, I really need to shift some weight. I think I ate a much healthier diet when I was away, and not such a snacky one, and so I'm trying to carry on with it (no cheese, no butter or spread, hardly any bread !!

I did drink, had a gin and tonic before dinner every night, but not more than that, I don't know why really, maybe it's because it wasn't my usual wine, but I never do drink very much on holiday, I wonder what that tells me . I wish I knew.

Anyway, sorry for the long post all about me.

Joey I'm still a bit "holiday head", but it sounds to me like your manager might have a problem. As your manager it is up to her to help you be productive and successful in your work, not to point out failings and leave it at that. If you find it hard to cope then she should be finding ways of supporting you.

Much love
T xxxx
P.s I did notice notice Isinde that you had posted with kisses not words, are you ok my friend? xx

thurso glad you had a good holiday, maybe you don't drink as much on holiday because its a habit at home?

My boss does try and help but it just seems like there is so much work lately (especially bloody form-filling) that half of it goes over my head. If I feel overwhelmed she says 'Just concentrate on the basics on your workplan, look at what you've got to do over the next month, plan ahead' etc. But there just seems to be too much...

Hope you are ok alias. Sounds like today hasn't been as bad as you feared

Strongest urge yet to drink tonight here. My bf is here tho so we are going for a walk instead. I was going to do Pilates but think air / daylight will be better for me.

Aah, joey I know how you feel, mind racing, and can't contentrate on the basics, it just feels like too much to get over.
I don't have any advice, because now I'm over "jolly holiday" I have all that stuff on my mind as well, should have done a load of college work over the holidays, and have managed to procrastinate to a major extent!

Dh has got in and is work orientated, whereas one of my best friend's (not that I have many) Dad passed away on Monday, and I feel vary sad, because my parents are getting older, and I really noticed it recently.

NoNo a brilliant idea going for a walk, fresh air will do it anytime!

I hope everyone is fine tonight, I just feel a bit yuck, after my boing of the morning.

Going to make a cup of tea, but it's in the same room as the fridge!!!!!!!!

T xxxxx