The Brave Babes Battle Bus - All Going On A Sober Holiday! <crosses fingers that it stays sunny>

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, mouse

Welcome to The Brave Babes Battle Bus, grab yourself a seat, they're really comfy and a , oh and a home-made chocolate chip before they all get eaten!

We're a Bus full of alcohol abusers/addicts, some of us say it out loud, some whisper it and some aren't ready to say it at all just yet.

That said, there are a few of us who just have the occasional drink and that's something that they can handle. There are a few of us who must NEVER have another drink because that first one will lead to many, many more which will only ever end badly.

We're open to all....there are no requirements to join us on our journey to sobriety, there's support, great laughs, tears and tantrums here and that's just me!!!

If you'd like to see how we got here, follow THIS LINK

I have found you. That is all for now. Thank you. x

well!! today i am mostly being mother of the bride!

i just crept in here, everyone else is asleep, the garden looks cool and inviting (ready for photos) i feel kind of anxious, proud, happy, sad and full of thankfullness! when i started my first thread i wrote on there that one day i wanted to be part of dds wedding, i had no idea it would happen so quickly but here we are! the dresses are hanging in a row in a kind of silent waiting, my jimmy choo is just yearning to be used, dh has a speech in the top pocket of a jacket that puts me in mind of an agatha christie hero, his panama is on the dressing table and his button hole in the fridge (i knew he was a prince among men but he proved it last night at 10.30 when the bloody ironing board fell to bits (why? how?) and he put it back together!) today i am sober!!! and it makes all the difference! at one time dd wanted nothing more to do with me, today i will be sitting wth her on the top table with a huge smile (and a hanky in my bag!) i couldnt have done it without the help and support of so many people, especially you babes!!! thank you!!!

see you soon (i have 30 for lunch tomorrow, like you do )

L XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hello again to all you wonderful, inspirational and amazing women, and all the new babes who've hopped on the bus since I was last here.

I've had an up-and-down few months since I first found you 4 months ago. I managed 5 weeks without a drop, until it all came crashing down, at a time when I was overwhelmed by a whole load of work-related crap descending on me. I've had runs of AFDs since then, most recently 2 weeks, which all fell apart 4 days ago.

I really, desperately, want to get out of this success/failure cycle. I've lurked on-and-off, and this morning I've been up since 5.30, reading through 20 pages of this thread, hoping to get the kick up the arse I so badly need.

I know I can't do it without support - this thread was key in getting me through my 5 weeks (some of you may remember the smug, self-congratulatory posts ) so I'm getting back on the bus to join you again. Off to put the kettle on for a nice

Day one, here I am, again.

Wishing you all a peaceful and sober weekend

Have just waved my kids goodbye for a week . They are off to France with their dad. My DS gave be a kiss for every day they would be away. My eyes were full at that point

Distraction is here today in the form of a trip to the v festival. Am far too old for that and have never done anything like it before but you have to try these things. My heart is heavy though and I don't feel like enjoying myself

Day 4 of being AF for me and loving waking up feeling hungry and fresh.

Hello chocolate and welcome back Carrie. You've done so well in the past, you can do it again.

JWN Massive congratulations for you, your dd, her vstbdh and your wonderful dh, I hope you have a fabulous day. I hope it doesn't fly by too quickly, that you and your guests enjoy every moment x

Morning, tis me, Mouse

JWN - sending you so much love and best wishes for today. See? You did it! One Day At A Time

I am allowed to say that I'm really, really proud of you?

I hope with all of my being that you take in every moment of today, enjoy every second of the happiness that will flow all around the place, allow yourself to be ever so proud of actually getting this far............

You did it, even if you say or think it's just for today, YOU DID IT! xx

NoNo - detraction is key and we'll certainly help keep you busy chatting on here. Big hugs, go and enjoy the V festival, it's a once in a life-time giggle if nothing else xx

PS - every time that you post AF - all I can think of is Aunt Flow the was that some women describe having their period.

Hi Chocolate

All's not lost. Take a seat.

Carrie - I agree with the fantastic Faire, you did it in the past, you can do it again. And you will because the you're HERE telling us how you feel. Step oe. xx

Saf - I have to say that the more I read your posts about AA, the more interested I am....... I love the way you describe how it makes you see things, the fact that you're seeing things in a different light. It sounds like it's really working for you xx

Jesus I bet you have a fabulous day.
I am in the side car if anyone is looking for me

Hi everyone,
Welcome tena and chocolate and welcome back carrie
Big wave to ma in the side car.

JWN Hope you and your family are having a wonderful day
mouse hope you had a lovely holiday.

Hope all not drinking on Forge Ahead Friday got through.
I managed it by the skin of my teeth.
Im reading the Caroline Knapp book at the mo.
1st book I've ever read related to another persons experience of alcohol abuse.
Not sure at present if its helping me or the opposite but so much of it so far really hits a nerve, SCAAAAARY!!
See you later babesxxx

jesus yay! how exciting. sounds lovely being first up and seeing all the preparations in place - nice calm before the storm moment where you can really 'feel' it before it goes crazy so hope everything has gone well so far x

JWN massive congratulations to you, your DH and DD, you have been an inspiration to us all, Mouse is right you should be truly proud of yourself for the way you have rebuilt your life and your relationships.
xx

Evening babes,

Congrats to JWN, and hi to tena, chocolate and carrie

Evening mouse,rural,ma and saf Salutations to all.

I'm doing O.K, feeling calm and in control. I went to a fab wedding yesterday but decided to have 2 glasses of wine. I had them, enjoyed them and then stopped being interested. Today I have no intention of drinking I hope I manage to abstain for several more days. Perhaps I can only manage 6 days at a stretch but I can deal with that, for now. I hope I don't ever go back to daily drinking.

I feel well and clear headed.

Saf I'm interested in your aa progress too. I'm sure that your task is confidential but anything you care to share would be great to read. You are so right about dealing with the shit which alcohol has covered up in our lives. This is kind of trivial, but I've spotted a pattern in myself where I become very anxious late at night on the nights I abstain. I just worry about my family. I'm learning to let it go and treat it as the fearful feeling it is ; nothing to pay much attention to and I suppose that it's an improvemnet on being blotto!

jesus I hope you had a wonderful, wonderful day Your dh and dd must be so happy that today could be planned without fear and dread about your behaviour. You have done them proud, and you have done yourself proud.

And.... on top of that you have started this series of threads which has helped so many of us in so many different ways. I hope that you go to bed tonight feeling deeply proud of yourself. xxxx

JWN - hope you had an amazing day and that today and lunch for 3 goes brilliantly

Hope everyone who is on the bus or trying to get back onto it is feeling calm

I had a good day at the VFestival yesterday. It was interesting to see everyone else getting hammered while I
Stayed sober. Not tempted to drink at all and must have saved myself 20 or 30 quid

Missing the kids dreadfully. Had a blub during Tom Jones' set yesterday - my kids are Welsh and my 6yr old is v proud of his welsh heritage and all the welsh flags made me miss my kids so intensely. Phoned to speak to them last night and bless him, he asked me how the music was. Can't get hold of them this morning so they must be in the middle of the
Channel by now

Today will be full of cleaning, shoppng and running distraction. I hope everyone else manages to fill their day so that the emptiness and panic stays away

Should have said 30 not 3 JWN!

Morning babes,
I've been out for a lovely clear headed bike ride this am probably wouldn't have done that with a hangover. Dh has taken Ds out and I'm catching up on the Archers. Happy times

nono when are your children back? I guess that you are at least one day nearer to when they return. Well done on staying sober, what did you think when you watched people getting hammered?

doesn't sound trivial gugg sounds like an important realisation and one you are making progress with

my task was a simple gratitudes list - just writing a minimum of 12 things i am grateful for each day and sitting and trying to really 'feel' that gratitude. it does help with perspective and mind set i'm finding.

A bike ride sounds lovely. I am planning my route for my run. Will do about 90 minutes which will be about 9 or 10 miles as I am running slowly at the moment.

The realisations are all interesting. Yesterday i realised that I am going to have to come to terms which what I am like when not drinking. When I am inebriated I can be the life and soul of the party. Yesterday at the festival I was watching all the dancing and arm waving and thinking that when I will never do that sober. I guess I like the vivacious side of me when I am drunk and don't like the boring inhibited side of me when I am sober. So I have to come to terms with the boring me and learn to accept her. I don't want the vivacious 'confident' me if that comes along with an addiction to alcohol. And being boring and quiet isn't so bad after all, is it?

sAf - my kids are back from France on Friday and i pick them up on Saturday from their dad's. That is a whole week without them. they are 6 and 3. You can imagine how it feels. But it is me feeling sorry for myself because I am pretty sure they are perfectly happy. DS didn't want to go with his dad but I think that is because he worries about being away from me and also he worries about me. Which isn't good I know. I try to be so positive about it but he is v sensitive and picks up on everything. I have a week jam packed with work including lots of travelling which will get me away from home. I also have a health assessment for work on Thursday which was a catalyst for me thinking about my drinking. They test liver enzyme levels so am a bit worried about that. I know the liver regenerates quickly but I am not sure that 10 days of abstinence will be enough

nono - if that side of you only exists when drunk then it isn't real is it? also surely the answer would lie in learning to love and accept yourself more and feel freer to enjoy and be yourself rather than faking it with alcohol? it may surprise you who you become sober with time and work on yourself x

the children being away must be tough. think you've identified that it isn't really worry 'about' them as you're sure they're ok really. so maybe working out what the anxiety really is and allowing yourself to feel the real feeling will help?

sorry to sound like some pseudo psychology self help book

sAF - you are right that it isn't real. I only started drinking when I went to university. Up until then I had been pretty unpopular, very square, bookish and awkward. At uni I discovered alcohol and suddenly had loads of friends. It made me more likeable and popular. But with consequences obviously.

As for liking myself as I am - if only I could and I guess that goes for a lot of us on here. I struggle with self esteem, depression etc and have had anorexia and still can't control my eating. Have had loads of counselling but still have a long way to go.

As for the issue with the kids going away - I know what that stems from. I feel like a terrible mother for allowing my children to be separated from me. My DD was only 18 months old when I left my ex and I had no choice at the time but to agree to shared residence 50/50 as he said he would take me to court and get full residence if I didn't agree to that. At the time I was so depressed and suicidal that I went with it. A few months later I had pulled myself together enough to go to court and try to get residence (plus I had many concerns about the way the children were being cared for when they were with him) but I got nowhere. The court awarded us shared residence on a 60/40 split with me getting the 60. And I feel like a terrible mother. What mother would allow her baby daughter to be away from her for so much of her life. I have come a long way in learning to live like this but I cannot accept that it is the right thing for the children even though they manage ok on a day to day basis. Of course it doesnt help that when we were together he did SFA towards caring for the kids and now has them 40% of the time (except he works long hours so they are in child care much of the time). Anyway there is no point rehashing it all. I have a whole thread on MN about it somewhere (I hid it as I was so upset by a lot of the responses I got). Just a bit of background about why I find absences from my kids so bloody hard really.

This is the thread I posted under my previous NN about residence if anyone is interested

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/lone_parents/1219743-Shared-residence-order-4-and-2-yr-old-DCs

oh it's traditional on here for all the handmaidens to come and give women struggling with access a pasting - they are father's rights worshippers. hope you didn't let it bother you and i bet i can guess some of the names that came after you!

you were vulnerable at the time of break up and let an arrangement happen and the court just goes with the status quo generally so they carried it on. none of it makes you a bad mum!

it's a done deal and out of your control so i think you have to find the positives and make the most of it. there are a lot of positives in having set free time - maybe you will feel the benefits of that more when you are feeling better in yourself.

Thanks sAf. That is what happened. Unfortunately I still (15 months after the court ruling) take any consolation at all in my spare time. I just feel guilty that my children aren't with me. I hate going out and seeing other people's kids because it reminds me that I haven't got mine. I can't enjoy anything I do without the kids and at best I just fill my days until I can pick then up again.

I have a boyfriend whom I see a lot of and he is very patient with me. He understands that I grieve for the kids at every separation and doesn't expect me to be full of joy when they aren't around. That helps a lot.