The Brave Babes Battle Bus - All Going On A Sober Holiday! <crosses fingers that it stays sunny>

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, mouse

Welcome to The Brave Babes Battle Bus, grab yourself a seat, they're really comfy and a , oh and a home-made chocolate chip before they all get eaten!

We're a Bus full of alcohol abusers/addicts, some of us say it out loud, some whisper it and some aren't ready to say it at all just yet.

That said, there are a few of us who just have the occasional drink and that's something that they can handle. There are a few of us who must NEVER have another drink because that first one will lead to many, many more which will only ever end badly.

We're open to all....there are no requirements to join us on our journey to sobriety, there's support, great laughs, tears and tantrums here and that's just me!!!

If you'd like to see how we got here, follow THIS LINK

Kotinka , Yay! Well Done You! That is massive from where I'm sitting at DayO. Soma I have to say again that I wish you the very best of luck. It must be scary for you right now. I know I'm scared to be where you are (and where I am come to think of it ha ha!). Post how it goes for you, I am here with the others watching your back. Thurso proper laughing out loud at 'could only run if a bear was chasing my children!'.

Joey , good work with the phobia treatment. Partners and families can be difficult at times. I just try and do things myself. Would be harder in your case though I see. Shit, bugger, bum re; antabuse thing, am relatively confident of stopping drinking the day I start but 2 DAYS BEFORE! Surely thats taking the piss! (no pun and all that).

Wow its been busy on the bus
since yesterday.
Think I might just make it through day 5.Crosses fingers.
I was going to have a quick read back
but there is too much for a tired insomniac to take in.
Lots of brilliant posts and food for thought.
Will have to catch up tomorrow.
Koti FANTASTIC good for you
Hope babes not drinking today made it through.
Goodnight all, sleep well xx

Day 1. Ok I said it. All I gotta do now is stick to it.

Feel motivated now, not sure how I will feel this evening

Hope everyone is well today.

kotinka we're you whining about wine perhaps lol

kot, please don't fantasize about whine!

Best of luck today - this is a bit off the wall, but I've been distracting myself by getting really into some random sport on the olympics, and watching it on catch-up in the evening. It distracts me so I don't reach for the wine!

Day 9 for me ... I've been a bit touch-and-go so hoping I will get through today too.

I totally agree with theresafire, mouse, you are mama bear. I really appreciate the way you encourage us all through without guilt-tripping and without judging when people like me fall flat and have to crawl back.

Good luck to everyone today.

Sorry, theres, missed a bit. My field isn't anything useful, I'm a student, doing medieval studies. I just remember a lot of what people have said in the past that helped me understand. I'm not a sciencey person, but I do find it helpful for me to try to understand as much as I can of what's going on, it just seems to help.

Morning all,

Well, I have just spent two hours online trying to find my son somewhere to stay in NY City, for when his contract ends. He has hardly any internet connection where he is. What is this couch surfing lark?

Kotinka I had a horrible night's sleep as well, woke up twice thinking I was drunk , then was trying to book holidays in my semi awake state!

mrsm You can do it. Just this day, only one day, and see how you feel tomorrow. People are usually around on here friday night, so come and talk.

Mouse Are you back yet? , hope you had lovely times. xx

Isinde, Silver How are you doing?

Ma Are you back at home, or have you decided to stay in the stable

Must get some breakfast, speak later. xx

thurso - wow, your son is in New York? That sounds exciting but must be a bit nervy for you. It's an expensive city, isn't it?

Morning, tis me, Mouse

EPIC POST ALERT!

Thurso - I am indeed back lovely lady, although life has been somewhat draining these last few days. xx

Fire - thank you so much for your kind words, I really needed to read them this morning. xx

LRD - you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave. You'll see that down the side of the Bus, on both side, across the front of the side-car, and flowing from the roof rack.

No matter how many times you fall arse over tit (or testicle ) off this Bus, you'll be scooped back up again and looked after, told off (gently) or just left to recover on the back seat.

Tickets are valid for life and are for anyone at any time.

So what if you're a serial offender and getting pretty good at hitting the tarmac face first, the very fact that you come back tells us all, and of course YOU that you don't want to be the person that drinking makes you be.

This Bus is a HUGE support for me, I may not post all of the time but I do read the thread whenever I can. xx

Gugg - You asked about my sobriety....... I don't abstain completely, but these days I decide when I drink, not my addiction. Does that make sense? For example, when we went away for the weekend, we took a bottle of champagne, which meant I'd be having half a bottle with DH.

I knew it would happen and I was totally cool with that amount. I ordered a diet coke when we checked in, DH had a pint. Again, that's cool with me.

For me, if I plan my drinking, rather than try to plan my day away from alcohol, I succeed. I allow myself alcohol on certain days or at certain occasions and the rest of the time, I take it One Day At A Time. xx

Saf - I can actually see you and poor DS standing in the rain, soaked to the skin, happily laughing about it. It's a really nice picture, the two of you just enjoying the situation you found yourselves in IYKWIM? xx

Right - get comfy, grab a and a because this is going to take a while

Seth is still ill. I think I may have post about it the other day but life has been crazy. He's now in an animal hospital in Liverpool with a serious infection in his snout/nose.

They first thought it was rat poisoning because he was just bleeding everywhere and it wouldn't clot (it's not hemophilia because he didn't bleed out when he had the snip), then they thought a grass awn in his nose could make him bleed like he was.

Turns out he has an infection in his sinuses and nose. He's having a rhinoscopy today, a CAT scan, LFT as he's not eaten, more blood tests you name it. He's only 18months old. Poor little wolf. At least he's in the best place.

He'll come home with a shaven face and drill holes, I'm not sure I'll be okay with it but let's wait and see!

I went to see a spinal surgeon yesterday. They can operate, they can fuse my spine together at the bottom where the discs is bulging out. BUT - I'll be out of action for 6 months and there is a 1 in 20 chance that I'll be paralysed for life, or lose the feeling in my arms/legs/feet/hands etc....

So, because of how much care Nemo currently needs, we're going to wait until he is at school in 1.5 - 2 years time, and then have the surgery because there's just no way that I can have 6 months out.

I have no idea how I am going to cope with managing the pain between now and then but I'm going back to the GP next week to see what we can do long term now that we know what the plan is.

Also, DD's half sister went missing at the weekend. DD has been visiting friends and family where we used to live (did I post about this already? Head Up Arse) and threatened to kill herself, she's had mental health problems for a number of years but no-one has ever really bothered with her . Obviously, I can't go into too much detail but she's fine thank Jeff.

DD was absolutely distraught as she was staying with her bio dad and was worried sick about her half sister. Unfortunately, my twat of an XP took it upon himself to tell DD all about my past mental health issues, calling me a 'fucking fruit loop' and comparing his now sectioned DD to me, saying that I was always 'pulling the suicide stunt'

I called DD and we talked for almost an hour. She told me all about what he'd been saying about me, crying down the phone. She said he'd done it before, slagged me off to her, said I was always fucking up and the reason that we broke up was because I'd shouted at his son. Yes, of course it was.

The actual reason we broke up was because his cock kept falling into other women, rather annoying that really, he must have been awfully embarrassed about that happening all of the time.

Anyway, DD has said she no longer wants anything to do with him, (I just listened to her as she let it all out) and refused to go back to his house so is staying with my folks where we'll pick her up from on Sunday, when we go for a family gathering. I offered to bring her home when we talked but she's happy to stay with my folks until the get together.

I called XP and told him she was staying with my parents, and wouldn't be staying with him again. He said "Oh, that's great actually as I've got a lot on my plate just now......"

I told him that if he was going to slag me off and talk about my past, he should be aware that as her mum, she's going to defend me and be very upset by these 'revelations' then hung up on him. My past is for me to tell her about should I wish to, not for him to use it to make me look bad.

My body has responded as it normally does with stress and I've been throwing up which is not at all pleasant but at least I know why!

So, there you have it. My life as it stands today. I have a wonderfully supportive DH, we've talked about all of the things that are stressing us out on our night away, and since and have managed to untangle ourselves from the ball of fury we'd weaved ourselves into.

We actually talked for the first time in a long time about how these last few months have been a bit testing but we're still together and won't be beaten!

I hope none of you have nodded off reading that epic post, I just had to get it all out. Sorry for taking up so much of the thread.

Time to try and eat something, sorry not to name check everyone but I hope that everyone's okay xx

Oh, mouse.

So much is happening in your life, I don't know how you're managing. I really hope the doctor finds a way to manage the pain.

And I'm glad your step-DD is ok after all that ... in a way, I suppose it is good your DD's seen the truth of her father, as it could only hurt her worse to find it out further down the line. What a knob he sounds, though.

Lots of love and hugs to you.

(Oh, and 'you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave' - I'm scared now! )

Do we speak the truth when drunk?

I had a monumental fall out with my daughter, my ex husband and my daughters step mum. It was 3 yrs ago now but still hurts to think about.

My relationship with my daughter has been shakeily rebuilt and is not yet on firm foundations. My ex and his wife still hate me and will never speak to me again.

That night I became a different person, my dh who I've been with for 18 yrs still can't believe how out of character it was. To cut a long story short, I was feeling pushed out by the step mum, she was, in my view, trying to take my place. I was very hurt and this had been going on for quite a few years. I was incidentally friends with my ex and his wife.

So why did I get totally out of it and behave so badly. Yes it had been building up and yes I was hurting desperately and yes I was very jealous.

But, I was a monster that night, a vile vicious monster. I insulted them all, it was my daughters 18th birthday party and I ruined it. I even tried to fight them when they tried to make me leave. I cried for weeks afterwards, nobody would accept my apology because the hurt was too deep. My husband and my two younger children were fine with me the next day, they didn't agree with how I did it but they did agree with a lot of what was said.

I stopped drinking for 6 weeks, then started again

Did I tell the truth that night? Am I really so nasty and vicious inside? I feel that I was like a child lashing out but with the vocabulary of an adult. My ex husbands family whom I had stayed friends with for 20yrs after we split are no longer speaking to me 3yrs later.

I think it's nonsense we speak the truth when drunk. I certainly don't. I might speak more, but it's not more true. In fact, I have a horrible habit of lying when I'm drunk, about the most ridiculous things. I hate it.

Please don't feel you are that person inside. I'm sure you are not.

I do think this sort of stuff ... it helps me stay sober because I am so afraid of getting into these situations again. I've never had a row drunk but I tend to make stupid promises or talk bollocks.

I get why you cringe away from what happened ... but if it brings you to stop drinking, or control how you're drinking, at least maybe you can put it behind you?

oh mouse - what an utter arse. and you know what? i wonder if he did it deliberately to push dd away but have it be on her head iyswim? like the boyfriend who treats you like shit so that you'll dump HIM and he doesn't have to take responsibility for ending it. gut feeling - especially given his response to you saying she wouldn't be going there anymore.

mrs - nope i don't think so. i think what it does is boil us down to raw emotion and amygdala style reacting and blocks out the frontal lobes that would inject rationality and thought into the process. so it's raw crap unfiltered by our adult, rational, thinking minds. amygdala stuff is also often very, very defensive - it's like fight or flight mode - we think we're under attack and can lashout like a caged animal under threat of death. that isn't 'truth'. there may be 'truth' in the nature of the underlying feeling but the level of intensity and reactiveness is not true iykwim.

I feel that I was like a child lashing out but with the vocabulary of an adult

That's a very good description MrsM. I think a lot of drinkers are control freaks. We keep our emotions tightly in check. For some reason, we don't know how to manage our emotions or express them appropriately, so we stuff them down and keep on top of them.

I think the alcohol takes away the fear. And because the feelings have been so repressed, they come gushing out, usually in a most inappropriate manner. And then the next day, that horrible sinking feeling in the pit of the stomach. I said that? I did that? Oh no, horror, cringe.

Many of us are quite private people and to put our feelings on display in such a crude manner is absolutely mortifying and not easy to come to terms with. So what do we do? We push those feelings back down. Put the whole episode in a box, put the lid on, lock it away. And drink to forget it.

My own dm ruined many a family occasion in much the same way as you describe. It got to the point that if she started I just got up and left. Every single time. She was nasty, spiteful, vicious in her verbals attacks.

But, as you say, I am convinced that it was the hurt child inside her crying out for help. Unfortunately, because she was such a private person, she would never talk to me about anything intimate (her past, her struggles, her feelings) unless she was already halfway down a bottle of whiskey. And that is not a good way to talk honestly, imo. People spout bollocks when they're drunk.

So, to answer your question, no I don't think alcohol makes us speak the truth, in fact I think it helps us to avoid sharing how we really feel.

Mouse those statistics for your op are shockingly scary aren't they. 1 in 20 chance of paralysis. If there is any karma in this world, if there is any justice, if there is a raison d'etre, this has got to work for you. If anyone deserved a break, I seriously cannot think of a more deserving person.

The 6 months recovery isn't so bad if it ultimately leads to a pain-free (or at least manageable) future. Probably a good idea to wait until Nemo is at school, like you say. Sending you love and strength x

< waves back to Mia > good to hear you're still with us, my lovely

what it does is boil us down to raw emotion and amygdala style reacting and blocks out the frontal lobes that would inject rationality and thought into the process

Blimey Saf you put it much more succinctly that I did

test

mrsm

I agree with LRD - you don't speak the truth when drunk, you let your feelings out, feelings that have been bottled up, bubbling away under the surface, behind the mask........

It's not who YOU are, not at all mrsm - it's just that when you're drunk, you become so very brave and carefree that you're more than happy to tell everyone and anyone just what has happened and how shit life is etc.....

It's not you. Not the real you. IMO It's the you that you suppress, the you that hides deep inside until the alcohol unlocks it's cage and let's it out. It's the twisted version of events, the warped bits that lack the truth, they lack the facts, you hear what you want to hear. to see, to understand.

Alcohol can do so much damage, it can ruin your life in many ways, not just ruin your health.

Thank you Saf - I think you're right. I so get the 'blame game' he's playing. He doesn't see his DD or DS anymore, he was 'livid' that his DD got sectioned. Utter twat.

Faire - xx

I am drawing so much strength from you wonderful people already and I've only been here for a few days

LRD you are right. yes it does help me stop/want to stop, so I will continue remembering it whilst it is productive.

SAF wow, brilliantly put!

Fairenuff yes, the control freak rings true with me

mouse brave and carefree yep that's me when I've been drinking courage lol

mouse

gosh you have had a time of it, is there any light at the end of the tunnel? Or is that just the train coming the other way? No, its the Bus coming to pick you up

I think saf may have hit the nail on the head with her point about you ex-P pushing DD to making the decision. I hope she doesn't feel too bad about that.

Surgery - its good to think you have options even if you choose not to take them right now. In a few years time, the success rate of the op may also have improved. In the meantime hopefully you can get some ongoing pain relief. Did you get your new car?

And on top of that, poor Seth. It sounds like he's getting the best treatment though. I hope you're managing to get some rest inbetween all of this? Every time you post, you're saying 'I'm just off to bake 72 cakes' or something astounding. If I have any free time I spend it surfing the net/reading and drinking coffee. Didn't get up till 11.30am today

Quote from a couple of years ago, DD was about 8

Me: Ahhh! If it's not dogs it's children. If it's not children it's dogs. It's always one or the other!!
DD: Or both.

I totally envy everyone's ability to articulate how they are feeling, what's happening in their life, I have so many things running through my head, so many emotions buried deep deep down, that I wish I had your ability to voice these things

Mouse my dad had stabilisation of the spine many years ago, probably about 20yrs. He was told that It would either be a success or he would end up in a wheelchair.

I can happily report that it was a success. He still has pain (not sure though if that is down to his incredibly negative thought process) but he is mobile.

Just think of the advances that have been made in the years since then