The Brave Babes Battle Bus - All Going On A Sober Holiday! <crosses fingers that it stays sunny>

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, mouse

Welcome to The Brave Babes Battle Bus, grab yourself a seat, they're really comfy and a , oh and a home-made chocolate chip before they all get eaten!

We're a Bus full of alcohol abusers/addicts, some of us say it out loud, some whisper it and some aren't ready to say it at all just yet.

That said, there are a few of us who just have the occasional drink and that's something that they can handle. There are a few of us who must NEVER have another drink because that first one will lead to many, many more which will only ever end badly.

We're open to all....there are no requirements to join us on our journey to sobriety, there's support, great laughs, tears and tantrums here and that's just me!!!

If you'd like to see how we got here, follow THIS LINK

I think that whatever you call yourself it is something that is actually helpful in helping you.

So if calling yourself an alcoholic gives you an excuse to drink, or makes you feel ashamed and unworthy or help and support, then it's not a helpful term. If calling yourself an alcoholic helps you to accept that your relationship with alcohol is not right / not good, then it may be a helpful term.

On the other hand, if labelling yourself an a more gentle / appropriate way is an excuse so that you can revert all the un controlled drinking tactics that have failed to work so far, the that doesn't seem very helpful either.

For me, I know that I use alcohol in the wrong way, and in a way that is detrimental to my self and to my health. In my own head I would call myself an alcoholic, but not often to other people - because I'm not sleeping on a bench drinking white spirit - YET And that word yet is why I would call myself an alcoholic, because in my heart of hearts I know that I could so very easily be on the very, very slippery slope that would leave the world with no option but to label me as an alcoholic.

I suppose it's a bit like being a little overweight - you know it because you feel unhealthy and lethargic and your clothes don't fit. Other people might say that it suits you to have a cheery, chubby face. Only you really know (and none of it needs a label really).

mrsm I struggle with the alcoholic title aswell. My dad was "an alcoholic" His death certificate said "chronic alcoholic" But for about 10 years, he drank morning noon and night! He would walk to the corner shop in the morning and fall in the door an hour later. He hid bottles around the house. Drank my hairspray!!

What I'm saying here is that I'm not like that. So the term alcoholic, my life has become unmanageable because of my drinking does not apply.

But I do drink too much on a regular basis. Not in the morning. Not in the afternoon. I haven't ruined relationships or lost jobs. But my marriage would undoubtedly be better if I didn't drink because without alcohol I don't suffer the general apathy about life. I have more energy and put more effort into every aspect of my life.

It's been 4 weeks now since I got he elevated liver test. I'm not sure exactly how much I have had to drink in that time. Not much. Nothing Mon-Fri. I believe this will continue even if I get normal results after tomoorws repeat test.

Feeling good in body, mind and soul is much easier without a hangover. Getting things done, making lists and actually doing what they say, enjoying a good programme and remembering the next day. All these things should be normal, but I'm just starting out again.

I've also lost 6lbs I fee like my stomach is a litte flatter and I'm even in my slim leg jeans today

Later babes X

sorry- terrible typos and some nonsense there, but I'm rushing out - shouldn't really be on here. Byeeeee

LRD Your reply was not at all preachy I too have not had a part of my life that has gone terrible wrong. I don't drink when something goes wrong. I drink purely because I want to and I enjoy the feeling of getting drunk, I am just not able to stop.

There is a fine line between stopping and carrying on into oblivion. I unfortunately am unable to recognise that line.

Venues I love your comparison to being overweight, it is a good way of looking at it. I know that I cannot drink normally and therefore I shouldn't drink at all.

Daisy0407 I also don't drink in the morning, afternoon etc and I've had spells of controlled drinking which have always eventually led to loss of control. The fact that my drinking requires my control tells me that I should not do it. I'm glad you are feeling so positive.

JWN I have been reading your original posts. Can you or someone else give me a quick update on how its been going for you. I have managed to read the first few months but I am dying to know if you have maintained sobriety since that first day. You are my inspiration by the way x

LRD I nodded my head throughout your whole post!

Glad it was useful, mrsm.

I've just cracked open a 0% cobra ... not bad at all ...

Hope everyone is having a good afternoon.

How about this for torture?

I have just made some sausage rolls, I don't think I've eaten a sausage roll for years!

I haven't got much done today either kotinka, shuffled bits of virtual paper around on my documents, and scanned some stuff in, which felt like I was working, but wasn't really. Then 45 minute phone call from SIL , and was too drained to work then .

Healthy dinner planned though, just as long as I don't give in to the sausage rolls! What was I thinking!!! I bet I end up neatening the edges!!!!

Ha! Thurso my ds spent this morning on not two, but three attempts to make Burnt Caramel (a bit like cinder toffee apparantly). Anyway, he actually did burn the first batch, went back to the shop for more ingredients and then went and burned the second batch too.

Not to be outdone, he trotted back for more ingredients and has finally managed to make an edible batch. It tastes a bit like Werthers Original hard boiled sweets. Nice, but cost me £5 for him to get there

Dd said you can never fail - you just find 100 ways to not do it

But I am glad it didn't take 100 attempts. Even he doesn't have that kind of perseverence.

Anyway, now he's out of the kitchen I am cracking on cleaning cupboards. Have just emptied them all and done the clean. Now having a cuppa before I put everything back. Phew, it's quite a job!

I'm ok thanks. Got wine on the brain today though (even more so yesterday) and feeling very anxious and not very well. I've got a training course coming up over the weekend so I think I'm nervous about that. Haven't felt right all week though. Probably a virus.

I'm still lurking and reading, although the thread's moving fast at the moment (which is great) so it's hard to keep up. I'm still here though.

Started today thinking that maybe I could make this my first day of sobriety and felt very positive about it.

It's now 5.20pm and all I can think about is having a glass of wine. I'm justifying it in my mind and telling myself that I can have day 1 tomorrow. And even worse, I'm thinking that if I start before dinner then I will feel the effect quicker

I will find the strength soon. I know I will. Just maybe not today

Sorry to swamp this board with posts

I just wanted to share this with you all. I found it whilst googling alcoholism etc. It just shows how many disguises an alcoholic can come in.

This person knows he has a problem yet his family and friends almost encourage him...

  <span class="italic">I'm 24 years old, and I find that I drink almost daily, and in excess. Very rarely do I stop at 3 beers, and very often I clear the fridge. I'm a full time student, and so I have very little time and money to drink socially. I'm a home drinker, often alone-doing basically what I'm doing right now. If I haven't fulfilled every definition of "alcoholic," I have to say that I feel somewhat in control. I realize when I'm drinking to get drunk, I manage the time it will take me to do so. I'm not overly depressed, just rather lonely, broke, and overworked. I keep a light attitude toward the world, and am usually the comedian of the conversation. So in effect, I suffer from a differently dangerous alcoholism. The kind that is accepted by my family, amusing to friends, and often joked about by myself to make sure everyone knows that I know I have a funny and ironic alcohol problem. I see this causing a long term degradation of myself, both mentally and physically. It may not be seen as self destructive behavior at current, but I find myself relying on the notion that I'm just a paranoid college student, inevitably abusing alcohol.</span>

Interesting huh?

venus i 'm sorry to laugh but your 'helpful child who answered the phone' comment really made me chuckle

mrsm there are a lot of defs of alcoholics or clues and signs etc - one simple one that resonates for me is that you keep on getting pissed when you have no intention of doing so. funny that

try an aa meeting - don't have to talk - just sit back and listen and see if you hear yourself. it will make you laugh, it may make you cry, it may make you friends, it may give you a new lease of life, it may not be for you, you may decide you're not like those pissheads thank you very much and walk away reassured. it definitely won't do you any harm.

finally accepting the label 'alcoholic' was actually a relief for me personally - as crazy as this may sound it meant i didn't have to drink anymore. it meant the whole exhausting, head fucking roller coaster of attempting and failing at controlled drinking was done and dusted and it meant realising how much better and easier my life could potentially be. i haven't drank for nearly 4 months - that's longer than i've ever been without a drink even as a child i think (given christmas, easter, summer shandies or wine and water etc etc) and it has been some of the least depressed, least anxious, least shameful or paranoid months of my life.

anyway. just want to say that IF it turns out you are an alcoholic then it will actually be good news - and i know that sounds crazy but if you're an alcoholic and there are things you can do and support you can have and life WILL get better.

i'm shattered - ds and i got caught in torrential rain on our way home and stood drenched to the bone waiting for a bus. both of us were laughing and happy though which makes a nice change from getting annoyed and irritable from life's little hiccups.

hope everyone is feeling ok about friday night - it's only a day - nothing special. nice bath, good film, special dinner, bar of chocolate, early night with a good book, etc etc etc - lots of ways to have a nice evening and treat yourself without booze remember x

ha! just realised it is actually thursday not friday! never mind me

Hey Babes , hi to all the newbies, I googled this thread and was presented with the thread from last july with the same name. So I' ve been stuck over there for a bit. I feel like I've had a few stern dressing downs from MIFLAW, which is good cos I seem to respond well to that kind of thing (see, told you I was a child!) So now I'm back. I have a plan to start antabuse soon. I have the script in my hot little hand and have picked my birthday in a week as a start date.

Soma , I hope you have a lovely holiday, you really do deserve it. When you read this can you please tell me what your first week of treatment was like. Ian starting to get nervous. I hace a script of 15x5mg diaz tabs. How anty did you get at 3am? Big congrats on four months. I reckon if you are going to have one drink make sure you have only one available and see if you manage that with ease. Before doing it for real at a liscensed venue.

theresafire I'm not sure but I seem to remember Soma saying you couldn't drink for 48 hours before you take the first dose? Hopefully someone else will be able to clarify that for you.

Venus another belated happy birthday to you from this corner. LRD great post on addiction back there, what is your field if I may ask? Mia lucky for your DD that Mum is so on the ball, holiday sounds awesome! may I ask what other tinctures you use. Joey seven weeks is great (whenever it was done) it shows that you really can do it. You are human and under a bit of pressure so don't beat yourself up too much. Giant tubs of icecream are totally ok in the short term!

Mouse ,sweetheart, your love for those DCs of yours is like a shining beacon in the night. you really are 'Mama Bear', to us lot as well! . You always have the right words and the best food and remedies! Poor Nemo lashing out in frustration at the one who is closest to him. My heart almost breaks for the two of you locked in the grip of frustrating, painful physical ailments. It does break completely for the pain you and JWIM and others have shared. Damn those life plans we didn't make xxx..

Faire , hi, omg now I'm really scared, gp didn't mention that. Will have to the research on it directly. Only know the basics didnn'want to put myself off. And it costs seventy dollars (roughly 50 pounds) a month too if you don't mind! How are you doing today?

theresafire unfortunately I've gone back to my old ways

Hoping to get a GP appointment tomorrow or Monday, and I'm on holiday for 10 days! yippee!! I hope at least some of it will be relaxing - 2 nights away in a lovely hotel with spa - the rest of it running around worrying...

Sorry to alarm you theresafire, perhaps it would be best to check with your GP I may have got that wrong.

Faire no worries, I'll live. Joey yay holidays! Fwiw I have found that the more info I digest about an anxiety provokig subject, the less anxious I am about it. Anxiety is often fear of the unknown, or more unknowns than knowns. Have you fully researched cfs and see where you are in terms of severity, what tactics you can employ to rest more and stress less, what has worked well for others etc? I found guided meditations and hypnotherapy helpful when I was packing it about impending labour. I

thanks for the input theresafire

I've found out a bit a bout CFS but am in denial because a) it doesn't seem severe enough and b) I know my DH and his parents would be totally unhelpful/unsupportive/disbelieving

Am hopeless at meditation unfortunately (!) but have recently found pilates helpful, and intend to keep at it.

PS. I think faire is right about the antabuse, from what soma said you have to be very careful before - and after - taking it.