Success, standards and still holding out for Johnny Depp...dating thread 18

[ChaoticismyLife]

Forget the olympics...we're aiming for dating gold.

Only the best is good enough.

As you were....:)

Ok I've just had a look on Pof and seen a guy I like the sound of but don't want to message him as I'm bored of the boring conversation that i have when getting to know someone

Sponge, in your shoes I think I'd assume tomorrow is still on unless I heard differently.

Furthermore I'd not contact him or expect to hear from him, Id just turn up at his work as arranged.
Perhaps text him just before you leave, along the lines of 'Hi, I'm just leaving, see you in x minutes'

Fingers crossed everything works out well for you :)

I hear you moving
I loathe that brain numbing banal getting to know you small talk

well I've had an answer, albeit not the one I wanted, he's text me saying he's decided he's not ready for a serious commitment and doesn't want to hurt me.

yet he was the one who was saying I should refer to him as my boyfriend

I really give up with men!

Sponge, saw your post, couldn't not reply.
That's rubbish of him, it really is. He's allowed to feel that but has given you mixed messagees and for that he is an arse. I'm sorry.

Im convinced the majority of men on free sites are there for an ego boost post relationship break down....

I'm good, missing dd, exdh being an arse :( but things with mr l are going nicely and talks of the l word have been tentivley mentioned, from his side.

thanks watch, am so glad to hear all is going well for you with mrl :).

this guy has done my head in. all last week when he was sending me text after text full of X's, saying he was falling for me etc, I was the one being rational and sensible & saying lets see how we get on. even yesterday when we were together & talking about me staying at his tues & how i'd have to be up early on weds to get to work on time, he was still saying 'you'll have to take the day off, once you stay the night here I won't want you to leave'.

and then this today

I've text him to say thanks for being honest even though i dont think he has been and whilst i wasnt expecting any commitment from him, i appreciate he's made his mind up & I wish him well.

I think you're right about the ego boost.

He split with his wife less than a year ago, he'd been with her since he was a teenager - now late 30s. She's already met someone else. He told me it was a mutual decision but I get the feeling it was actually her choice...

Im convinced its the idea of someone wanting them rather than the reality.
If someones coming on that strong,and its happened to me too, it tends not to be about you, but that They are insane desperate to know they could have someone.

Hes a knobber frankly. And I know you will feel bad but know it's not you or anything you did.

Yeah, mr l is being lovely and we are doing Lots of talking And opening up too, which is really nice.

sponge men are crap. Just had the same conversation on a bus with two fellow single women. I am not getting my hopes up despite being cooked for tonight at mine. Feel a little spoilt. Guessing he likes me seeing as he drives half hour to see me. But you never really know. Someone did ask me to be their girl whatever that means? (someone please translate) sex, partner, somewhere in between. I dunno. Still its a no anyways.

I think he wanted to be wanted & also wants the idea of a relationship too, but he's not ready for the reality. In recent years he has gone from being v well off to completely broke (he got ripped off and lost a massive amount of money, tens of £1000s), and put on a lot of weight (though he's lost some of it now). He's full of chat and I think was used to lots of female attention in the past.

Hence wanting me to like him even as he is now, but once he had that losing interest...

sponge for fucks sake! I despair!

Quite possibly... And it is rubbish to be on the recieving end of it like you have been.

Thats the thing with online dating, you don't know from what angle peoole are coming at it from. Ive been on a ton of dates with men only weeks out of a relationship, obviously not knowing that at the time. It's just about the ego.

But then you are left wondering if It's you, when it isn't.

I expect if you check he will be one of those ones that's always logged onto pof too, all talk, no action, searching for something that doesn't exist.

I think he's searching for what he had with his wife, forgetting that you cant go from 0-relationship overnight, it takes time to build up that level of familiarity, intimacy and love.

however, trying to look on the bright side:

1. At least I didn't sleep with him.
2. He cooked me a lovely lunch.
3. Apart from his amazing eyes I didnt really fancy him, though I liked his personality so much I thought I could grow to. Plus the main reason I didn't was due to his size and I thought it would be unfair of me to write him off purely because of that as before I lost weight I'd have been gutted if someone had rejected me on that basis.
4. He doesn't have a car or any money (so no chance of getting one soon) and lives in Essex so seeing each other would have been a pain.

So not all bad. But the curse of the first date continues...

In some ways I wish he'd waited til after tues, whilst on the one hand I would have felt worse due to having spent the night etc, on the other at least it would have broken the curse.

I've just remembered something else, I'd taken off an item of clothing and as I picked it up made some comment about not leaving it behind etc. He said thats ok if you'd forgotten it you could have collected it on Tues.

This was shortly before I left to go home. So at that point was he still intending to see me again? Or keep it as a trophy post it back to me?

You are so right, you don't go from 0- to relationship instantly, it takes ages to build that up.

Curse of the first date indeed, but at least you know It's not you. Did match throw anything your way?

No, nothing on Match, only a selection of balding prematurely middle aged men. Most depressing!

I thought of another to add to the list

1. He cant have any more children, and said he would never have it reversed. Even though it prob wouldnt happen due to my age, I'd still like another baby, or at least to know it was a possibility.

Sounds like it was all for the best then. Even if hes crap for messing you about.

Sorry about match too, I dont know what else to suggest... :(

There isnt anything to suggest really, other than to give it up and embrace my destiny as Miss Havisham!

I'm a bit sad because I want someone to love me and despite points 1-5 he offered a glimmer of hope of that, and it reminded me of when I first met my nice Ex & how happy he made me, etc.

But no point crying over it, I guess :)

you know what, im going to go aganist the grain here and say give up for a while. Fuck it sponge, you are better than that, better than being rejected by a man with no prospects, better than being rejected by a man whos mixed up. Fuck it.
leave it a while, live your life.
Its not giving up, its giving up on online dating. Hows about some kind of anti online dating thread - where we try out rl things, ie hanging round mens dept of next ( as time does) or the swimming pools on a sunday or other random things? We could do some kind of weekly challenge thing? Just trying to work out rl ways to meet men and bypass all this bollocks.

Mrl has made me feel that way, its very nice, i didnt think i had a hope of feeling that way again. We were on the tube thur - he wrapped his arms round me and buffered me against people and the tube moving, sounds so small, but i felt safe and looked after and important to someone, ive not felt that way in a long long time.
So - i do know what you mean, and it will happen, it has to. just maybe online isnt the way to go.

Sponge, what an arse he was. ffs. Definitely sounds like no loss to you though, you were convincing yourself into it, to be into him, just for the sake of having the possibility of someone loving you.

I agree with watch by the way - I have never been unhappier than when online dating. I don't think I'll ever do it again, even with my current relationship on somewhat shaky ground, and having a feeling I will be single again before the year is out, I still would sooner boil my own head than go back to all that soul destroying bollocks.

I am better than this I know. I'm sad now, not about what I lost, (because it was nothing and he's not right for me) but because it reminded me of what I once had with Nice Ex. Just silly things, like cooking for me (Nice Ex is the only other one who ever has), walking on the outside of the pavement, taking my hand to cross the road etc.

It's really nothing I did though is it? I honestly think he doesn't know what he wants, and whatever I did, or didn't do yesterday, the outcome would be the same. I just need a bit of validation

I am giving up I think. At least for a while.

I'm certainly not in the right place for online dating either. let us sit and knit at the foot of the guillotine together. :)

ps - Watch I like the non dating thread idea, I don't speak to people (years of doing aloof unavailable ice queen) so maybe my challenge is to engage random strangers in conversation!

pps - lubey thank you. but sorry to hear re your situation, really hope it works out.

That's right sponge, it wasn't you at all

With you in spirit in the 'given up' corner, seeing as I'm with someone but know I won't be bothering with online dating even if that changes!

glad you get that it wasn't you, it was definately him sponge. :)