Success, standards and still holding out for Johnny Depp...dating thread 18

[ChaoticismyLife]

Forget the olympics...we're aiming for dating gold.

Only the best is good enough.

As you were....:)

Mrs Grey - sounds wonderful! Hope things continue well for you.

I have had a really promising first coffee date, went very well, we seemed to have so much in common and he is very easy to get along with. As we were saying goodbye he asked if we could do it again (I said yes!) and then texted 15 minutes later to say he had enjoyed my company . . . Not bad looking too either

So, just got to see what happens tomorrow night with the one I have lined up for then.

I feel a bit happier about the whole thing after this afternoon though.

I'm bowing out I think.

Have had enough of the skanky men who make up 99% of those online. And of the remaining 1% who are not skanks but are clearly shit scared of a very attractive, confident, intelligent and successful woman.

Short of dumbing myself down, giving up my job or having some sort of reverse makeover I really can't see I'll meet anyone online. I think 4 years is giving it a good shot. And not one man in that time who wanted to see me again, pretty poor odds. So I don't really see the point in wasting yet more of my time and money, only to be in EXACTLY the same situation in a year, or two, or 5. Just more unhappy.

I had masses more confidence than I do now before I started this crap, but constant and unrelenting and completely inexplicable rejection by men, even those who are my inferior in every way (and therefore should be thanking their lucky stars for even getting the chance to date me!) is soul destroying. So I've had enough. I'm done with it all.

Good luck to everyone else. Am sure you'll all be much luckier than me, frankly it's hard to imagine being less.

Sponge, has something particular happened today?

As for me, as I suspected, I've not heard from the man I met yesterday. I'm not overly upset, as I didn't expect to. But at the same time it's disappointing - he's the first man I've met through internet dating in a year who I've actually fancied. He was intelligent, nicely dressed, attractive, seemed like a great dad, fit and sporty, and even smelled lovely!

Libby not really, just the cumulative effect of weeks, months, years of all of it I guess. Plus to add insult to injury I actually coughed up for a paying site last week...but not even had 1 message. Utterly pointless.

Have you seen anyone you like on the paying site?

Sponge, which paying site are you on? I joined Match a few weeks ago, and have had two dates from it so far (though I'm not sure if there'll be any more).

I can kind of understand how you feel though. I've used dating sites at various points in my life but have never found a relationship that way. I know they work for some people (am going to a wedding in October of a couple who met that way) but they don't seem to work for me.

OhWestern, sounds like your coffee date went great. Hope your date tomorrow goes well too.

Western yes and have messaged them, but no replies. nothing new in that sadly.

Libby Match here too. I dont think dating sites work for me at all.

I've never been single this long before. Never had a problem attracting men - not until 4 years ago anyway.

Thanks Libby! I am on Match too and have had three dates off it so far in probably three weeks, all perfectly nice, solvent, personable men although two are not for me nor me for them, (the one from today hmmmm we will see), another one tomorrow and another one I have said I will phone when I get back off my holidays. I will meet up with anyone who sounds halfway decent and can hold a reasonable conversation as you just never know! It is so difficult to judge people off their profiles and photos so even if they don't tick all the boxes at first glance I will tootle off and spend an hour or so chatting. I don't know if these sites are better than the free ones, maybe they weed a few of the oddballs out if you actually have to cough up a bit of money. I have winked at people and started conversations with anyone who looks likely (right age and area and no obvious red flags on their profiles - like I said I am casting my net wide) - out of the dates I think three got in touch with me first and I got in touch with two, so pretty even.

I have not been in touch with anyone who wants a casual relationship/fun etc and maybe that helps too.

I am actually really surprised at myself doing this as normally I am horribly shy, but I have not had a problem so far on any of these dates. So that has been quite a boost to my confidence realising that I can do it and all the shit that ex fed me for seventeen years about how crap I was is in fact a load of rubbish! Ha.

Sponge you sound fab, I can't understand why things are not working out for you. You seem to have lots of stuff going for you - whatever you do, don't dumb down and stop being yourself.

Western no-one can understand it tbh. My friends are genuinely baffled. It's hard to take when everyone else manages it so easily, ok maybe not everyone gets the happy ever after relationship, but its only me that cant even get a few dates, a casual relationship or a fwb setup.

when everyone else manages it so easily
Sponge, I have to disagree on that point, most of my experiences with online dating have been bordering on torturous.
I've been fwb with someone for over a year now BUT it's far from ideal, I dont see him all that often and the whole thing has caused me no small amount of angst...I'm not sure if the pleasure is worth the pain.

..infact calling it fwb is probably stretching the definition, there is very little contact in between meetings except for me inviting him over or him asking if I'm free.
it pretty much suits me but I doubt (from what you've said before) that you'd be happy with something so minimal

You're right, that sort of set up might not be enough for me, ideally I'd like a relationship but no sign of one of those ever happening again. I'd like to have a choice though, to try a fwb type thing & see if it could work for me even in the short term, or if it simply wasnt enough contact.

But I don't even have that choice.

Hatesponge...long time lurker here so you don't know me but I just thought I'd pop on to say that you are not alone! I've recently dipped my toe into online dating and have experienced pretty much the same as you.

I've chatted to two very honest men this last week who have both told me that I am, "way out of their league" once we've had an initial chit chat. Whilst I appreciate their honesty, it's a little depressing that men can be so easily intimidated from a few messages back and forth and I wonder if I will ever get past that.

Your post about dumbing down or having a make-under struck me this evening as my sister and I have just had the exact same conversation down the pub about an hour ago!

I don't know the answer but rest assured, it's not you, it's them.

sponge In all honestly I don't think fwb situations work in the majority of cases. I've never managed to have a successful one. You would think that sex on tap and no commitment would be most men's idea of heaven, but apparently not.

I'm sorry you are feeling so shite. If it's any consolation I feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall and I would say I'm not a bad catch either. My gorgeous, 25 year old, wonderful in every way has no luck with the men either. It really isn't just you so please don't think you're alone. There's plenty of us in the same, lonely boat.

Wonderful in every way friend that should say...

I dont get it sponge I honestly dont think a FWB is my sorta thing at the moment. I do enjoy spending time with the person i have date three with this week, He isnt really like other men who are just after sex, he likes to just cuddle on the sofa there is no expectations or pressure, just stroking my arm and our fingers entwined. I want him to stay around for the foreseeable.

I know I might not be the only one who doesn't have much luck, but I really dont have any. I haven't been cuddled or had anyone hold my hand in all that time. And you know if I had no interest in sex, or relationships it would be fine, But I do, and its not.

Theres fuck all anyone can say or do of course. I just have to accept my sad, lonely life. With 'friends' who take the piss because I think I'm all that yet I can't get a man. Without any family other than my DC who are young men and need me less and less every day. Oh, and a job I hate. Lucky me.

I'm not going to post on the thread any more. theres no point. I don't have anything to contribute. I can't remember what it's like to date anyone, 4 years of nothingness does that to you.

:( sponge. I do know how you feel, you know I.do. It's not nice, and if a period of bowing out is going to work for you, then do that..

I do believe there might be something in the ' being out of their leauge thing' you are a very attractive woman, you also have a lot.of other things going for you. And I think men are intimidated. This weekend mrl said to,me, that he just cant believe he gets to be with me and Fuck me and how lucky he is. Apparently his mother.also told him how ' absolutely gorgeous' I was and to hang onto me ( she met me after a day at the beach and with dried cum on my face!!! I.was hardly looking my best)
My point being I had totally underestimated myself, constant rejection had made me think it was me. It wasn't that I wasn't pretty enough, or good enough, more that I.was just way out of their league and they knew it..
And the more I think of it,
( without sounding like Samantha brick ) the more I'm.sure that is the problem for quite a few of us on this board.

Anyway, had a lovely weekend away Which I didn't want to end. The sleep thing wasn't an issue at all, and he slept with me fine, so proving its not an issue, not really. We worked really well as a team, managing to erect/ take down the tent without so much as a bicker, which is pretty much some kind of miracle.
He met my mother!!_!! I had forgotten some things, so she offered to bring them so she could check out the site / him out. And that went really well. And then we talked about introducing him to dd in a few weeks.

so, :) seeing him tue,then.off to the Albert hall thur :)

And- he suggested on the way home, that we stop for a pub lunch, to finish the weekend nicely. I was wearing no make up, hair had dried naturally, so looking a bit wild. I said I couldn't, I looked rough and had no make up on, and he told me I looked amazing, always did. So, I went in a busy pub and ate with him, like that. With him holding my hand :)

That does sound perfect watch
sponge please don't leave us, I need you to keep me in line. Sometimes you find someone when you are least expecting it or the person you never expected.

sponge - I think the online dating is crap too! I've had about 5 dates so far an I thought they were all odd and that's why get are online dating!

Have you tried joining new classes or trying new hobbies? I think if you get out there and start having fun you will be more likely to naturally meet a guy who will just like you as you are an not feel intimidated!!

Well update from me, I messaged sisters next door neighbour in Facebook and he hasn't replied after days!! Either he doesn't use it or he's not interested!! I'm not too bothered but will feel embarrassed!

Oh yes and a guy I had two dates with and told we would be better as friends is still texting me. These guys are crazy!! I think time to give Internet dying a miss for me!

sponge please stay! I'm having a break too (might last an appreciable period of time!) we can sit and cackle and knit at the foot of the dating guillotine. :)

online dying and the dating guillotine
lambs to the slaughter

Nice thread title for the next one

I've finally stopped thinking I should do something about my weight and actually started doing something about it. I took up jogging, started last Wednesday, running for a minute and walking for two. Haven't exercised in years, apart from walking the dog, so took it easy and did the above 8 times on the Wednesday and increased it on both the Thursday (9x) and Friday (10x) I took a break at the weekend and started again today, only to pull a muscle...ouch!!! So that's that for a few days while I rest it up...I'm coming to the conclusion that exercise is bad for your health

I have to go shopping soon, usually I'll walk but today it'll have to be a taxi.

sponge I think it's a good idea to take a complete break for a while. Take the time to do something you've always wanted to do and enjoy yourself for a while.