Age gaps

[linny69]

Do you think a 30 year old going out with a 47 year old is too much of an age gap and old enough to be my Father and not likely to work? I have lots in common with this man, makes me laugh and we get on very well. Only been seeing eachother 2 months but feel at ease in each others company.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

My ex is 16 years older than me. I sometimes felt uncomfortable with the age difference, but it never caused actual problems, he managed that himself by being a twunt.

When we split up I vowed that next time I would find someone my own age, convinced that it would make life easier.

But then I met and (most importantly) fell in love with a man 24 years older than me. It turns out that we're perfect for each other in every way other than our ages. It bothers him greatly that people might think I'm weird or that I have some sort of ulterior motive for being with a man old enough to be my father. I, however believe that the fact that we have found each other means we should be together. We've both come out of incredibly unhappy marriages and now it's time for us. I'm well aware that our age difference means that in years to come I may well end up as his carer, but I'd far rather care for the man who has loved me and made me laugh over the years than end up either on my own, or worse, with the wrong person.

Hi, I am 30 and my DP is 52, we've been together for a little over 10 years and have a DS who is 3 together. We've had ups and downs as in any relationship but nothing to do with age. Very happy and planning our wedding and another child. Hope it all works out for you x

I always trot out my mum and dad on these threads: She was 21 when they met, he was 40 and separated with 2 daughters. I was born when Dad was 50 (I was the last of 3 children mum and dad had). Dad was very vital and fit all through my childhood and teens, and beyond in fact, and they were loved up til he died at 91 almost 3 years ago.

They always talked about him going first etc etc, but as for any other issues around age-there were none, not one. It matters not, never concerned me as a child and of course I benefitted from having such a marvellous, experienced, exciting Dad-who-had-lived. Plus all the school mums fancied him according to my mum . He was rather dashing!

Bigbandwidth- Creepy? Seriously it's rude judgemental people like you that are what's wrong with society.

@designerbaby, i bet it doesn't actually take a lot to make you swear! i bet you resort to it often enough. If one person on the internet with an opinion that differs from your own can make you be so rude.

Did anybody show any sensitivity to your half aunt. She basically lost her father. What a nightmare it must have been for her. But as long as her 54 year old father was happy with his 22 year old bride! all's well that "ends well".

Bigbandwidth - by same token do you think any unconventional r-ship, e.g. gay, is creepy?
Is it creepy if a woman is much older than a man (is that then a sign of high self esteem on her part but low on his, as according to your logic a younger woman must have low self esteem to be with much older partner)?

sorry not 'width'!

Db's has already explained the reaction of her sister. (sister not half-aunt. )

My mother's self esteem was and is through the roof. That theory is utter tosh.

BigBandWidth My marriage is what you'd consider creepy. I think it's far more creepy to be judging strangers' relationships. Personally, I don't judge any relationship that doesn't hurt anyone.

It must be tiring to hold so much hate in your heart.

DH is 26 years older than me. This was not in my "life plan" but I knew that it was right from the outset. We are soul-mates, best friends and husband and wife, its a powerful combination :)
We rarely get negative comments now, I think probably because DH was grey in his 20's so now seems almost ageless to anyone who knows or knew him, and I have got haggard aged slightly since we got together. Any comments we do get are never in our presence but we often chuckle about what people must think of us (and not just about the age gap!)
We have been through a great deal, particularly over the last year and I can honestly say I don't think I would have been able to do it without him. The age gap has forced us to consider my career (or lack of it) and meant we have had to make plans for me to retrain, as at some point we are aware that DH will not be able to carry on his work and the role of main bread-winner will fall to me. In one sense we are fortunate we have that advance warning, rather than DH suddenly being unable to work due to accident or illness and leaving us unprepared.
I do worry about being a carer in later years (or to be a bit clearer, I worry about being alone, rather than caring for my husband should he need me) and the effect that his probable earlier death may have on our DS and any subsequent DC's. However once I had sat myself down and given myself a good talking to, I realised that plenty of women never had the love I have and plenty of children never know the love and support that DS has. As was mentioned earlier in the thread, we will be sad because we have lost what we had which is far preferable to never having it in the first place.
Enjoy it OP, you never know whats around the corner :)

23 year age gap between myself and my partner too. We are together 10 years now. Works for us. No Daddy issues cos we is gay innit :o nor do I give much of a flying fuck about narrow minded puppets with their arm chair psychologist opinions on creepiness or low self esteem smug bigots

Haven't read thread sorry - just wanted to add that my .mil married a man 18 years her senior and the age gap became very noticeable before he died aged 73 - she says a relatively young widow who us now very lonely but doesn't meant anyone else

Want not meant

likeatonneofbricks, a ridiculous leap on your part there to assume I am homophobic. I'm embarrassed for you. anybody who doesn't feel the same as you feel must be homophobic?, is that a reasonable argument?? seriously?! Reductio ad Absurdum ??! NOT that there has to be an 'argument' at all. Because not everybody has to AGREE. On a personal level, I find age gaps of between 15 and 20 years + (approx) disturbing, for many complex reasons. I won't apologise for this.

If posters want to accuse me of being homophobic and trashy and having hangups then they have no sense of irony, and no moral highground either!!

Farelyknutts, good for you for not giving a fuck what some random internet sprite thinks! that is refreshing.

Well, you do have hangups. You're hung up on the fact that you find loving relationships between consenting adults disturbing. Most people, I strongly suspect, could not give a toss.

Nicely put Knuts !

BigBand - did I say you were homophobic? I think it was clearly a question - I was curious if you find other types of unconventional r-ships creepy, as you do with age-gap ones.

bigbandwitch There was nothing "creepy" about my marriage thankyou very much. I had two children with my husband and we had happy times together. Opionated people like you makes my blood boil!!

Bigband If I don't give a fuck what people I actually know think then a few words on screen from someone who likes to judge shit they have no clue about is hardly going to set me off on a downer for the day
Live and let live m'dear :o

Somebody said (in a flawed line of reasoning indeed) so do you find homophobic relationships creepy? Stupid question. The answer is, only if the age gap is massive!

I have no more hangups then any of the rest of you I'm sure. Funny how the loving consenting relationships are nearly always older man + much younger woman! These older guys never seem to just find love and understanding etc with a woman 20+ years older !

So, I will let you all get on with insulting me. If you can be bothered. Maybe yall should just live with it.

My Dad and his wife have a similar age gap but are well suited in terms of temperament and attitudes, they've been married 15 years now and have a DD. My own DP is 8 yrs older than me and I've never really noticed it.

@ Lottie, sorry to have upset you, I know you are not the supercilious haughty type.

Exactly Farley, I actually agree with you 100%. Similarly, I will shrug over your character assassination of me! that I am narrow-minded and a smug bigotted armchair psychologist. Wow. The insults thrown around on Mumsnet take the prize!! you godda love it. Or is it hate it?