Age gaps

[linny69]

Do you think a 30 year old going out with a 47 year old is too much of an age gap and old enough to be my Father and not likely to work? I have lots in common with this man, makes me laugh and we get on very well. Only been seeing eachother 2 months but feel at ease in each others company.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

Interesting thread, I actually want to be with an older man at this point in my life....All my friends are older, I share no common interests with people my own age. Guess you could say I'm an 'old soul'

But since I have no interest in dating for a great deal of time, who knows?

A aquatence of mine started a relationship at 19 with a 48 year old man. 5 years later they are married and really happy.

If your happy op age doesn't matter.

Aquatence

I meant acquaintance

DB - that's such a lovely message.

I still think i would be a bit concerned if DD wanted to be with someone 32 years older but who knows until you are in that situation and you know the parties.

I think some people have a Jeremy Kyle type couple in their head intead of ordinary people that fell in love.

When i was in my early 20's i went out with a guy who was 12 years older than me. It didn't work out but i think that was my immaturity and his ex wife was quite over bearing. It was too much too soon iyswim but if you're happy and he's happy age isn't important.

Actually my BS detectors would be on alert at a 47yo man who's been separated for 13 years "but hasn't got around to getting divorced".

Presumably he hasn't had a serious relationship in that time then? Perhaps he's not really that mature.

DesignerBaby your post is so touching, both about your parent's love and about your father as your dad. Ahhh, I've gone all soppy, and it's before 9am!

I think it's all about personality,values and compatibility. If there's an amazing, once in a lifetime connection with someone, then I'd go for it.

And, perhaps taboo for some, if I was a 47 year old woman, and I met a lovely 30 year old, I'd date them. It's all about the person- going around looking for 30 year olds on purpose is seedy, responding with love/hormones to someone pretty special, it's what life is all about.

Some really touching stories on here today!
13 year gap here, works for us. I found myself mothering men my own age and I wanted a serious relationship with no games. Of course, any age group can be players but I found the right person for me.
Nobody ever believes he's the age he is as he looks 10 yrs younger so we don't get any comments. We didn't watch the same tv programmes as children but I can live with that!

The separated but not divorced for 13 years is a little concerning though!

There is 10 years between my husband and I. I don't see an age gap, we get on well and feel we are right for each other, age doesn't come into it. We've been married for 19 years this year and still very happy together. To the people who say be careful that you may become his carer, well anyone at any time in their life can become affected by an illness or accident which might mean they need care. I have friends whose husband has been diagnosed with an autoimmune illness in only the last 5 years, he needs a lot of care now, can't work, is on the higher level of disability and he is 45, things are set to only get worse. I also know someone in their 80s who is still active and fit and doesn't need any care at all. No one knows what the future holds - live, love and enjoy your life with the people you care about, don't worry what might happen in the future because no one really knows.

I don't think there is a problem with an age gap of any kind, provided the youngest party is of a responsible age, eg over 18.

I am 25 but am mostly attracted to men in their 30's and 40's. I do not find 25 year old boys attractive and doubt I would be able to have a relationship with one, the majority of men my age are just more mature enough for me. I would not hesitate to date a man of 50 if I had the right feelings for him.

So OP, I say screw what people think and go for it. whoever mentioned about people having a pre conceived 'jeremy kyle' image of age gap couples is probably right. People don't take the time to consider that you probably have real feelings for eachother.

My DH is younger than me and at first I wouldn't date him cos of it! What a fool I was, so glad I got over myself.
If it feels right, go for it. Life is too short to be worried about what other people think.
Oh, and 'creepy'?! FFS, grow the fuck up.

Thanks pirate, my DH is younger than me too, I was watching to see if there were any other older women!
We're happily married!

@ designerbaby I was NOT massively rude at all! how ridiculous. This thread was started to get people's opinions about age gap relationships and I offered up one opinion and presented it as nothing more than MY opinion.

However, some SENSITIVE AND DEFENSIVE people have taken it as a criticism of THEIR own marriage which is obviously RIDICULOUS. If people are genuinely happy with their choice and their husband then they won't get so upset that "somebody on the internet has an opinion".

So, creepy yes, in MY opinion it is creepy and I think that somebody who would enter into a relationship with a much older man (and I'm talking 20 years here, not ten) that is a sign of a low self-esteem. And the KNEE-Jerk defensiveness I'm seeing here doesn't change my opinion!

Good luck to you all.

There's 16 years between me and DH. We'd known each other for 8 years at work before we got together (he was married, no DC, divorced befo we got together). Tbh although I on he was my soulmate, his age did out me off for, ooh a couple of months before we started going out. But once I'd got over that we were engaged 3 months later, married a year to the day after that and have a beautiful 3.4 yo DS. We got married when I was 30 and he was 46.

I like the fact that he is his own man as the BF I went out with for 5 years before him was an immature twat manchild. He is loving, young in looks and outlook and a fantastic person. His parents also had a 15 year gap and DH was born when his dad was 51 (and went on to have 2 more DCs). Interestingly, I think his dad was definitely of the older generation I.e. he was a Yorkshire farmer born in 1910 And I don't think he ever really 'got' his DCs. My DH though is young at heart (and 51 isn't that old nowadays) and there isn't that generational gap between him that there would have been in the 60s/70s.

I regularly take the mickey out of him for his age (he loves prog rock!) and silly things like he went to his first gig (Led Zepplin) when my mum was pregnant with me, got married to his first wife when I 8 etc etc. but it never causes a problem - it's something for us to laugh about!

I do get sad sometimes looking at photographs of him in his 30s. I feel like I have missed out on those years with him (although obviously I couldnt have known him in that way then). Knowing what a lovely man he has grown into, I reckon I could have coped with any manchildishness he may have gone through then.

I also do get sad when I think it's very unlikely we'll get to our golden anniversary like my parents, but I live each day as it comes and love the life we have now. No point in worrying about it until it happens.

Good luck - just enjoy it!

*although I did know he was my soulmate

Sorry about typos.

BigBandwitch you are talking out of your arse if you say you think it is creepy and a sign of low self-esteem. I do find that offensive. Yes we are all for free speech on here but perhaps you should just accept that your sweeping generalisations do actually apply to anyone in a marriage with a large age gap - you can't just say 'but I wasn't talking about you in particular, just everyone else in a relationship with a large age gap".

I should add that my parents were a bit when we got together, but that was (as they explained at the time) because they were unsure as to how to treat a potential SIL who was halfway in age between me and them. I.e. they didn't feel like they could treat him as a son simply because of his age.

They now have the closest relationship, it is truly great. They ask him for advice simply because he does have more life experience than a 35yo would and they like some of the same things (back to prog rock again). It's almost as if you need to accep that most people will take a day, week, month or more to get used to the idea but if you are good for each other and good together they will get over it and accept him like anyone else. Good luck (again) :)

Wilfs dad was 35 years older than me! Last year when i was discussing this some nice person told me it was disgusting and made me cry!!

OP if it feels right go for it. My DH is 19 years older than me, he was mid/late fifties when our DC were born, he's got tons of energy, doesn't look his age and is a brilliant dad who does the majority of the childcare. (He can be a PITA too though, but that's nothing to do with his age.)
There really are no rules and BigBandWidth calling someone's relationship or their parents' relationship 'creepy' is hugely offensive, why not just say that it wouldn't be your choice.

Lottie, so sorry for your loss.

And people can be so unkind.

((((((un-mumsnetty hug)))))))

db
xx

Low self-esteem? For marrying an older man?! How the actual fuck do you reach that conclusion?
bigbandwitch I herewith invite you to bite me.

Oh, and very unMN hugs to designer and lottie.