What to do?

[yellowraincoat]

OK, well I'm starting a new thread since the old one got a bit fighty. Not sure why, but now I just need some support and advice on what to do.

Looks like my relationship is over. Things have been bad for a while. I can more or less accept it's over.

I am meant to start university in September. It's a really stressful course and I am worried about how I'll cope anyway. Not having my partner will make it so much more difficult.

I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I've accepted that, I'm having therapy and I think I am making improvements. But my self esteem is rock bottom, I've spent years floundering, in and out of employment, not really achieving what I could have, I guess.

My instinct is to run to my parents (even though I don't get on with them too well - they are out at work all day and I could hide from the world). It would mean quitting my job (which is only for another month anyway as it's temporary). But as I'm moving for university, I feel it wouldn't make too much difference. I don't want to spend a month in my partner's face. The thought of going to work tomorrow is terrifying.

I have PMd you, Yellow. Would you rather I stayed off this thread?

Just wanted to say good for you starting a new thread. And well done for getting the place in Uni. I'm glad to hear the therapy is working.

Can you ask your dp to leave for a couple of weeks to see how you cope? Does he have anywhere to stay? Maybe a short break from each other may help you to see things clearly? I know it can be terrifying going it alone. I had to do it with 2 young dcs, but it will get better I promise.

Are you keeping a journal? Noting down all the good things about yourself and things you may need to work on?

How easy will it be to manage the practicalities - whose name is on the lease?

It doesnt sound like the relationship that you are in is doing anything good for you.

You seem dure that you want your relationship to end. Sit down with your partner and tell him. Dont run away.

Try to go in to work tomorrow, if you stay a home you'll think too much!

Dont think that you won't cope at university without a partner. What good will it do having a relationship that is upsetting you, while settling into university? Break free and start anew.
You can do it

garlic, of course I don't mind if you post.

His name is on the lease. It will be easy enough for both of us to move.

I don't know.

I can't think straight any more.

If you went home to your parents for a month could you then find a house share for when you start university? Or would he move out if you can afford to pay for your flat on your own?
I actually think that if you are feeling this bad in a relationship with him then it would be no bad thing to be single when you start your course.

Yellow, sometimes when something feels overwhelming, the way to manage it is to take baby steps. So, you are terrified of going to work tomorrow. But you won't be terrified of getting your clothes ready, will you? Or setting your alarm? Then tomorrow morning you get up and get dressed. One step at a time.

Elephants, I could find a house share, I don't have my loan through yet, but yes. I need to sort that.

I can't begin to afford to pay for the flat. Just rent and bills would eat up my entire wages.

I do need to start getting ready for work tomorrow. Baby steps. It's only a short day, 3 hours, so it should be ok, I hope.

Aw Yellow I know it isn't the done thing, but I have had a quick look at your old threads. Some from over a year ago, things haven't been right for a long time have they? Maybe it is time to call it quits?
Ok so you can't stay in the flat by yourself. Have a look at house sharing, just see what is around.
Glad your going to work tomorrow, then go home and start to make a plan. I don't know anything about BPD, all I can see is someone whose sadness screams off the page, and has done in your previous threads too.

Well I'm moving to a different city in 6 weeks so there's no point in getting a house share now. I may as well move to my parents.

It means quitting my job though. Ugh, I don't know. I have so much stuff to sort for university and I'm just...I have no energy, I can't eat, I feel awful.

Things haven't been right for ages. Maybe they've never been right. I'm impossible to deal with. I know.

Thank you for the support.

No, not impossible to deal with. Just not in the right relationship?
If you move to your parents for the six weeks and give up your job (assume you are quitting anyway to do your course?) how will that leave you financially?
I don't know, I'm not very good at advice but maybe it is better if you focus your energies for the next 6 weeks on sorting out somewhere to live, getting your energy levels up and living away from your partner?
When are you next seeing your counsellor?

Alternatively, you can look at it this way: you have 6 weeks to make a plan and prepare everything. Not everything has to be decided/solved tomorrow.
Then start planning by making detailed lists of things, almost on daily basis. Detailed planning and then ticking off things one by one really helps bypass the fears and emotions. (am I making any sense?)

Hi Yellow,

Im sorry your other thread went hr way it did, I was going to post to say I understood entirely how you felt but by the time I'd read to the end I was at how it had gone.

Anyway. If you quit your job and went home to your parents could you lick your wounds in peace for six weeks? Would they be helpful? If so, that's what I'd do. Think about preparing for uni in a few weeks.

I see her on Tuesday. She's great, I totally trust her and know she'll help me se clearer.

I would love to just leave my job and go to my parents to start flathunting (my university is near their house, about an hour away).

I feel guilty leaving work in the lurch though. Not sure how easy it would be to find someone new.

My parents wouldn't be that helpful emotionally, in fact they are often quite horrible. However, I can mostly avoid them, as they work full time and I have a room at their house, so I can just get away.

It wouldn't make a big difference financially, I wouldn't be paying rent and I guess I could claim JSA (not sure, but maybe I could.)

That is good you are seeing her on Tuesday. So you will talk all this through with her?
Re your job, it is lovely you don't want to leave them in the lurch, but honestly, your health and mental well being has to come first.

I second what big said, go to your parents, concentrate on yourself. (I did something similar, had to return home when it wasn't ideal but it was definitely the right thing to do).

Can you go on long term sick leave?

I am so tempted to just go to my parents. SO tempted. But I'd feel awful about work. Maybe I can do this week and then go.

I am definitely talking it through with my counsellor.

Curious, it's only a temp job for the summer. Only got a month to go anyway.

Well hope it all works out for you and I agree with taking it one step at a time.

That's nice of ou, but if it were me I'd tell you were ill and go. Be kind to yourself. But not if it would make you feel really horrible

Glad to hear you've got counselling on Tuesday :) Not long to go.

I'd be a little concerned about your staying with your parents for several weeks. They're deeply unlikely to sympathise - and you'd be leaving your counsellor, too. So you could be leaving one unsupportive relationship, with a job to go to and counselling, for another with no job and no counselling. Not a brilliant pair of choices, I know, but it's only 6 weeks until a whole new beginning!

Before forcing yourself to make decisions, why not talk it through on Tuesday. If it seems to best to stay put for now, making all your college preparations might prove enough of a distraction to save you from leaning on your boyfriend ... and you can always lean on mumsnet!

Hope you'll keep your thread going, Yellow, you may even find you're not as dependent as you thought
(Fuckwit boyfriends do that, you know.)

That's the thing, I feel so vulnerable posting here. People just paste you for no reason like on my other thread.

You're right about my counsellor, I hadn't thought about how I'd be leaving her behind. :( Shit

They were bedazzled by the tickets, Yellow, I doubt it'll follow you onto this thread.

I read you previous thread OP and just wanted to offer my sympathies. You got an unfair pasting there and I understand your predicament and "got" what you meant.

We need *Athinginyourlife" back on this thread to sort out who is a cunt and who isn't . I like her style.

You do have a future and this pain will pass whatever happens. University is the future.

I am about to start a relationship thread of my own, ulp.