Can i convince DP to be circumcised...

[ockytockyonga]

I know this is a controversial subject, but just wanted some advice. I have name changed as this is so personal I want to protect DP.

DP's foreskin does not pull back at all, not even a bit. He should have had it fixed as a child, when it started giving him trouble, but I don't think his Mother wouldn't allow it.

He is very sensitive about it and doesn't like to discuss it. We have spoken before but he gets very defensive.

Basically, because of the way his Penis is he doesn't get stimulation from the normal backwards and forward motion. He prefers a very tight grip at the tip with sort of circular motions. Because of this it means he doesn't get much out of PIV sex. I am either too tight and it hurts, as it pulls his foreskin back. Or i am too wet and then the grip is not hard enough.

But also because of this there are other effects. His penis seems to store wee in the end, so it smells bad. I really don't like putting it in my mouth as it tastes so bad - I have gagged and almost vomited before.

The only sex he seems to get decent stimulation from is if I hold a flat vibrator firmly onto the end of his penis. Also he doesn't really like kissing or oral on me. So he will use a vibrator on me in return. I am starting to find our sex life really limited and unfulfilling. Although we both orgasm it is a bit clinical.

On a hygiene issue, the penis leaks wee onto his pants and trousers so i can often smell his groin. Also because the hole is on the side, his wee comes out at a 90 degree angle so is often all over the bathroom floor and sprays everywhere.

When I have asked him about circumcision he gets very distressed and says it's part of him and it is like him asking me to get a boob job. I don't think it is the same as that is purely cosmetic.

I love him so much but i really don't want this to be my sex life for the rest of my life. I just think he would enjoy sex so much more if he had a circumcision. Does anyone have any experience of this?

Okay, flame me for being dreadful...

Oh no! 8 days!!!

The final straw for my waters was putting on my wellies to go for a walk in a stupidly isolated place.

Good luck with everything OP.

Hi Ocky,
How's it going? surely LO must be here by now :)

Update!

Sorry it has taken me so long to update you, especially after you were all so thoughtful and kind to me.

SO, baby was 14 days late. I had to be induced. Had a 3 day labour culminating in forceps, but the babies shoulders were twisted in my pelvis. I was cut but also had bad rectal tearing. The whole thing was very traumatic. We thought the baby was dead as he was pulled out limp and grey. We had the crash team there. There was a lot of screaming (from me mainly i think!). The baby was fine though. A gorgeous 9lb boy. I had to go to surgery after and poor DP was left holding the baby as i was wheeled away.

He was sobbing. He said it was the bravest thing he had seen anybody do. He totally broke down.

Anyway, I was in hospital for a while and the day after the birth out of the blue (it was the furthest thing from my mind) DP said he would be circumcised. He apologised for making out it was such a big deal and said after what i had been through he felt a bit petty now. :)

That was 4 weeks ago and he hasn't reneged. He is still sure he wants it done.

I still don't think he understands that most people aren't circumcised though, and the reason their penises look different are because they can pull back their foreskin NOT because they were circumcised. He asked when DS was going to be circumcised, and i said he wasn't, he looked confused and said 'but then he'll have a penis like mine and wont be able to pull the skin back' so i had to explain it all over again.

Oh my God, your birth sounds so difficult. But many, many congratulations on your new baby!

I'm glad your husband has finally seen sense. I hope he doesn't change his mind.

Enjoy your new baby!

my DH was circumcised before he was with me, but done as an adult, he said it wasn't that bad and the relief once he'd had it done was amazing and to be fair he had nowhere near the level of discomfort your DP is having.

Congratulations on your baby, and the best of luck for the future

Congratulations Ocky, you certainly went through it! Am rather grateful for my c sections!

His circumcision will be nothing compared to what you have been through (although DH did walk around with a sheet wrapped round himself for a week as he couldn't bear anything touching it ).

Enjoy your little one and (hopefully in the not too distant future) new, fulfilling sex life!

Thanks :)

Doctors say next baby will have to be c-section. DP is relieved as he says he can't go through it again...HE CAN'T?! I know i bloody can't either :)

Delurking to send congratulations on your DS hope you are healing okay and your DH keeps his word.

Congratulations Ocky, fantastic news about your lovely DS. Enjoy him

Fabulous news all round! I hope you heal well and quickly x

Bloody hell!
Congratulations, I'm sorry to hear it was so traumatic. And wonderful news on the penis front

I solved a similar but less severe problem with stretching and steroid creams. If he is unable to keep himself clean properly, I would beg him to see a doctor and get himself sorted. I know it will be embarrassing, but far better than possibly contracting penile cancer like my friend's dad did. Why suffer a painful sex life? Why let your partner suffer and worry? PLEASE talk to a doctor - in a couple of weeks, life could be so much better.

I think you maybe need to read the thread cobwebby

So glad to hear the good news ocky and I hope you're recovering well

Ocky! What an experience! Congratulations! I hope you are being taken care of! Glad things seem to be working out well all round in the end but what trauma to get there though!

Oh Ocky I've been waiting for your update,
Sorry the birth was so horrific, sounds so scary I feel so lucky when I hear about births like yours, I've had whoppers relatively easy although what does that say about my fanjo ha ha
but big huge congrats to you xxx

Fab news about your DP, really hope everything works out for you &

Great news Ocky! Good luck!

congrats!

Congratulations on your baby. I've read this thread and I think I remember you from another one where you were unhappy with your sex life. Apologies if that wasn't actually your thread, but if it was, it seemed obvious that the big problem was physical for your dp and I'm really glad he is going to have the operation.

I think you've been very patient and you obviously love him very much. He's a lucky man.

Hope that love life will improve for you after the op (though sex is probably the last thing on your mind right now!) and wish you and your family a happy future x

But has he been to the GP for a referral yet?

Ocky I have been thinking and thinking of you!

Now this is what makes me furious about the NHS. You were CLEARLY well overdue, the scan measurements would have shown CLEARLY what a big baby he was for a first birth, they should have done a C-section in the beginning.

All that permanent physical damage and emotional trauma for you both, a highly distressed baby, for what? 1. Cost considerations, 2. over-powerful midwives. 3. ideology prevailing over realities on the ground.

Childbirth is far too politicised in the NHS and midwives have far too much say over the medical team.

[takes wooden spoon, stirs]

But how wonderful for your other good news. Lovely baby boy, and a big concession. He will be so much happier when it is done.

there could be all sorts getting trapped in the space between the foreskin and his penis. The natural lubricants and sweat glands will be producing excretions and these will be stuck inside if he can't retract the foreskin to clean the area.

This is a major problem and he must see someone about it. He will have pain and it could be due to this alone, especially as you say even your tongue can cause pain at the end/tip area

Pee being trapped too...this is so worrying and I'm surprised he hasn't had infections before now due to the trapped excretions and pee getting trapped like this.

From a health point of view...he really must see someone about this. Embarrassment is just so silly to justify not doing this for himself and his health.

There was a section about this very issue on that programme about our bodies....a young guy with the same sort of issues....it was dealt with and sorted and the guy was delighted at the end....you should have seen the 'stuff'..yuk.... that was stuck in there when he first went to see about it.
I'd be thinking that if pee is getting trapped in there, then other things must be too....smeggy, cheesy yuk and that isn't going to shift by itself either....
Your DH needs to realise this is a very easily treated condition and dangerous to his health to be ignoring like this...really