Can i convince DP to be circumcised...

[ockytockyonga]

I know this is a controversial subject, but just wanted some advice. I have name changed as this is so personal I want to protect DP.

DP's foreskin does not pull back at all, not even a bit. He should have had it fixed as a child, when it started giving him trouble, but I don't think his Mother wouldn't allow it.

He is very sensitive about it and doesn't like to discuss it. We have spoken before but he gets very defensive.

Basically, because of the way his Penis is he doesn't get stimulation from the normal backwards and forward motion. He prefers a very tight grip at the tip with sort of circular motions. Because of this it means he doesn't get much out of PIV sex. I am either too tight and it hurts, as it pulls his foreskin back. Or i am too wet and then the grip is not hard enough.

But also because of this there are other effects. His penis seems to store wee in the end, so it smells bad. I really don't like putting it in my mouth as it tastes so bad - I have gagged and almost vomited before.

The only sex he seems to get decent stimulation from is if I hold a flat vibrator firmly onto the end of his penis. Also he doesn't really like kissing or oral on me. So he will use a vibrator on me in return. I am starting to find our sex life really limited and unfulfilling. Although we both orgasm it is a bit clinical.

On a hygiene issue, the penis leaks wee onto his pants and trousers so i can often smell his groin. Also because the hole is on the side, his wee comes out at a 90 degree angle so is often all over the bathroom floor and sprays everywhere.

When I have asked him about circumcision he gets very distressed and says it's part of him and it is like him asking me to get a boob job. I don't think it is the same as that is purely cosmetic.

I love him so much but i really don't want this to be my sex life for the rest of my life. I just think he would enjoy sex so much more if he had a circumcision. Does anyone have any experience of this?

Okay, flame me for being dreadful...

glad you have had a more restful day.

But honestly, is this relationship worth the hassle?

You have bad sex - caused by his problem, that he is not willing to fix, or even talk about.

He stinks of piss

He pisses around the toilet and leave it for you to wipe up

He throws a tantrum if you try to discuss your issues.

Not only that:

His parents are toxic, and will most likely be a bigger concern when the baby comes. How does he deal with his parents?

Do you have a battle on your hands with his folks?

If he is unable to address issues you have together, how are you going to efficiently parent together???

Final question: Does he bring anything positive to your life?
Anything?

Personally, I'd rather be single.

In answer to your questions the answers are:
Yes, of course i think so otherwise i wouldn't bother or be posting. Altho we aren't married i consider us such and this is something worth working for - for better or worse.

The sex would be better if this was fixed (we are quite compatible in our drives and tastes and altho the oral and kissing thing is an issue i'm not massively into it - just a little more often would be nicer) it is the penetration and oral on him i miss the most.

He does not 'stink' of piss. I have said he does when he doesn't pay attention to hygiene, but, he has been really on top of that recently so it isn't a massive issue - only if his gym shorts aren't washed immediately.

I refuse to clean up his piss now so he has stopped that.

His parents are horrible and i feel sorry for him - that's not his fault and my parents are pretty difficult too, so i would never leave someone because their family send them nasty emails! How he deals with his parents is up to him - i do not get involved at all. I have no battle with them and i haven't seen them in over 2 years. They will not be seeing the baby.

We agree on most things so i have no worry about parenting together.

Yes, i have never felt so happy in my life as i have with him. Yes this issue is a problem, but the laughter, love and affection we have is worth it. And now we have a baby. I have been married before and nothing felt as good as this, which is why i just want to make it better not walk away.

I think it is hard to get across the nuance of relationships and easy to just judge on black and white. Also a lot is posted when tired or upset so things which can seem throw away to me can resonate here, perhaps more than they should. Like focussing on him 'stinking'.

And finally, my question is how can i fix this? not a would you rather be single or not? straw poll. If you think i can't fix it fine, i am grateful for your opinion. But if there wasn't something positive in this, then i would be bonkers to stay just rather then not be single.

I've just read the entire thread. OP my heart goes out to you. I really don't know what to say. I think that you need to totally go with your gut on this. As much as you love him, you need to think about yourself and your baby. Can you really spend the rest of your life with someone so unbending? My DP is incredibly stubborn, and it can be incredibly draining, but this is a whole new level. Your DP obviously has serious emotional issues. He's looking to you to give him everything that he never had, without him having to face up to any of those issues. Like I said, go with your gut.

You can't fix this because he won't and involves your body.

I'd never have become involved with someone like this but since you have, and you asked for a straw poll, yes, I'd rather be single.

Ok, you posted the last post whilst I was writing.
I think to fix this, you need to pull out all the stops. You e tried the gentle approach and got nowhere. I think you are right to threaten to leave, and if he doesn't get help, then IMO you should leave. Sex isn't the be all and end all, but it is a serious part of a relationship. You sound frustrated, and unhappy, and he is exposing you to infection. Things like HPV can be transmitted even whilst wearing a condom, and can thrive in the warm moist environment of the foreskin. For me, this would be a deal breaker.

Sorry expat i most certainly do NOT want a straw poll about whether you would rather be single! I most certainly have NOT asked that question.

I just asked originally if people could help with points to convince him or what the benefits would be if anyone had any experience of the same thing.

And as other posters have said I am very close to having my baby so i am not going to focus on this anymore and concentrate on having my baby.

He went for a long walk this evening and came back very positive about doing whatever it takes for us to be happy. He has said he most certainly isn't going to 'throw us away'.

However, we will see how that manifests itself. I am not going to continue arguing with him over it. I have said my piece and he knows where i stand. I will be leaving if it isn't fixed.

Anyway, we are concentrating on the baby now. So thank you for all your advice. :)

Good luck OP. x

Okay. Well, you asked if people thought you could fix this. No. He has to want to.

It's obviously not a dealbreaker for you or you would have dumped this guy the first time he took his wreck of a cock out and you had what sounds like a really shite excuse for sexx.

But again, that's your lookout.

good grief, what a horrible thing to post to someone on a relationship support board, when they are clearly upset and due to have a baby (along with all the other issues mentioned above). This is not AIBU btw.

This is an open forum on an open board. My post does not violate guidelines nor is the Relationship board set up to tell you what you want to hear and if not then it's not 'support'.

Again, it's your life. Best of luck with it.

ockyplease stop trying to fix this problem now,you need to be relaxing and preparing for the baby to come.
Easier said than done im sure but forget about everything and think about YOU!
The next post I want to read is that you are happy at home with a beautiful baby-the problem can be sorted later,you can't do anything for him now and he shouldn't be even letting you think about it now.
Good luck my love,I am wishing so much luck you wouldn't beleive it x

expat this is not about 'what i want to hear'. Personally a lot of things are not what i WANT to hear - i'd rather not have this issue at all - but can still be supportive. But, whether it's what i 'want' to hear or not, I fail to see how terms like 'wreck of a cock' or 'shite excuse for sexx' can be interpreted as supportive or even remotely helpful in anyway. They are just nasty spiteful things to say to a vulnerable person who is genuinely discussing a problem.

bluefrogs your post is really lovely, thank you.

Still no sign of the baby tho! I've been walking, hoovering and scrubbing the bathroom but still no sign. We are going to attempt our 'shite excuse for sexx' later to see if that does anything. :)

Thanks again everyone.

Do you know what did it for me with the twins? A laugh and a joke and a dance around my living room! don't wear yourself out nesting!

Good luck getting the prostaglandin's working ;) although you may need buckets of the stuff

Apparently, lots of nipple stimulation also works, I haven't tried this myself, the very thought of tweaking my very huge, very pregnant nips makes me and :)

Crawling around on all fours put me in labour with my second - something to do with the position of baby on the cervix.

Good luck, I hope LO doesn't keep you waiting too much longer xxx

"I said i was so worried about us and he coldly said "MY" behaviour has now put a massive question mark over the future of our relationship, and while he loves me the fact on the eve of our first baby i have done this has changed his feelings for me."

Is ALL about control. He has upped the stakes to get you to get back in line.

Good luck Ocky, it all sounds a nightmare. Please do NOT give him your money.

Thanks for the tips. I am going to try the all fours thing and clean the bathroom floor on my hands and knees.

DP has been doing the nipple stimulation with his beard (sorry tmi!) but i read it should be for 2 hours . So not sure either of us would have the inclination for that!!

abitwobbly thanks for your concern i really appreciate it :) . I do agree, if the status quo changes he can up the stakes, so turning it round to make it seem like it is his decision to end the relationship, when i was the one who originally gave him the ultimatum is just another of those tactics - i can see thru it tho and now i have steadied myself am back to not giving in. Altho the prospect of being a single mum is terrifying, i am not backing down (all his techniques are from his parents playbook of manipulation, i honestly think it is his defense mechanism tho, rather than cold hard manipulation like they do it - they really are vile).

Also i will not be giving him any money. There is no way he'd take it. He has loads of his own, my paltry amount of 5k wouldn't even register i don't think.

Nipple stimulation has to be hardcore twiddling to have any effect, not beard tickling!

Ha! erik oh dear, is it wrong to not tell DP and let him carry on? I'm really enjoying it!

Hahaha well it's probably getting you all full of oxytocin and stuff.

It's one of my favourite things, i think i could probably forsake everything else in favour of some beard nipple tickling - i am going to miss it when i'm bfing :(

Any news about the baby Ocky?

Sadly no! I was up with some 'early' signs last night but nothing now. A week late :(

We had a surprisingly good shag (sorry tmi) on Sunday. With lots of oral/nipple stimulation etc - so maybe what i have said has resonated somewhere, but i will hold off celebrating as i know it is easy to make an effort in the short term and then slip back (i've done it myself).

Also, cleaning, walking and crawling, curry tonight i reckon. Perhaps the baby is just like it's dad - stubborn and comfortable and reluctant to change :)

We are going for a long walk in the forest which has a tree top walk up lots of steps today then home for another shag so i am hoping to get the little beasty out today.

Thanks for asking and caring :)

Aww no Ocky, I'll bet its a boy causing trouble before it's even here :) but at least the end is very near, another week max.
Every day feels like a week, doesn't it? The longest I've ever went over and then got induced was 40+5 but that was only for medical reasons, I can't imagine what it must feel like to go the whole 14 days over.

Hope you enjoy your walk and that gravity does it's best for you, failing that I hope your shag works ;) I'll keep my fingers crossed xx

still no baby :(

8 days overdue