WRT to Mr Transitions? IMVHO absolutely YES!
I have had very limited online dating experience but have learned a TON in the process, which I'll share now.
My exP was abusive. When I came back to this country I was so traumatised I developed agoraphobia. I couldn't look men in the face at all, let alone speak to them. I spent 6m thinking I was invisible, trudging from home to school to work, to home to school, shutting the curtains and sleeping until the next day. That was Ok for a while (6m), but then I 'met' a bloke on Twitter that was a whirlwind tweetfest, on DM. He pushed me to skype him, he pushed me to see him. I suspected something wasn't right, turns out he was married, so after a false start, i finally ended it.
It left me with the realisation of how goddamned empty my life was, and how good it had been to feel that someone was interested in me.
So I joined a dating site, met someone for coffee, he never called again. OK.. hurt but manageable. Then there was someone else we texted/emailed all over christmas and new year, arranging to meet when the kids were going to go back to school. We met, he wasn't at all as he described, but I felt I had to go on and meet him again as he was a nice person, he'd had a hard time, he had a huge beard that needed to come off needed work, but his heart seemed kind. Chemistry wasn't there, something wasn't right. I never knew what it was that was nagging me, but I called it a day anyway.
Then I met someone else. Really communicative, funny, on same wave length, but he was going to work in South Africa for a couple of weeks so we'd meet up face to face then. We spent the whole of his trip on constant BBM, he'd go on a tour of a weekend, take pics and send them to me, I felt as if I was a companion, I couldn't wait to meet him. We met uo, had dinner, I missed the last train home (honest) I stayed at his (nothing happened bar a snog) he stopped talking to me the next day and then texted me to say there was 'No spark' I was GUTTED.
So I signed up for another site, and was chatting to a guy, (S). He went on a date with someone, I wished him well, told him that I too can't juggle, and also that I had also been contacted by someone and had met up with him so we'd park it for now. He got dumped by the woman he was with the very next date, I carried on with the other bloke.
Looking back all the signs were there, he turned out to be manipulative, potentially controlling, and totally disrespectful of my feelings AND he couldn't maintain an erection
I ended it with him, having ignored my instinct initially, but then listening to it.
As I had promised to do, I emailed S, we chatted for a couple days, and went out for dinner. That was almost 3m ago, we have been seeing each other ever since.
Had I met S a year ago, I would not have been ready. I would have been too needy, too frightened of it all going wrong.
Through MrSoftee, I learned that my instincts were right all along, that I had the right to end the relationship, and that I deserved better than someone who didn't consider my feelings at all. I now knew that IF another abuser came along, I would spot him and I would bin him. I no longer had the fear of it all going wrong.
If S is not The One for me, then I'd like to see who is... If he is STILL Transitional Man, then I have even better in my future. I see no bleakness, only a journey to freedom and happiness to continue on.
There is no rush, I'm prepared to wait.
Apols for hijack, but I hope it will help Op to see that it's not as ALL or nothing as I think she thinks it is.
i'm 44 btw, no oil painting, 4st overweight and have just lost my job... I'm willing to bet that most people have a better hand than I have to play!
