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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

New man - landline/email?

151 replies

theendishere · 05/07/2012 22:39

Been seeing some a few weeks - only have his mob number. He took longer than usual to reply to a text and it occurred to me that if phone broke or something, no way of contacting eachother, so asked him for his landline/email address. He hasn't given them to me and (apprently jokingly) called me a stalker...
was i wrong to ask?

OP posts:

ladyinthelibrary · 06/07/2012 11:45

Just to play devil's advocate ..... I never give my landline number out. Mainly because I don't usually answer it when it rings! My email address shows a different surname to my actual surname because I was going to go back to my maiden name after divorce, but hotmail was as far as I got!

Maybe he HAS had issues with a stalker/persistent gf in the past? I know that when I was dating someone last year who I ended up reporting to the police for harrassment, I was damn glad I hadn't given him my landline!

YOU know you're ok/sane/not a bunnyboiler. He doesn't.

Not saying you should stay with him. Just balancing the argument out a little....

ladyinthelibrary · 06/07/2012 11:47

What's a football nickname? And why?! he IS starting to sound odd .....

MissFaversam · 06/07/2012 11:48

He's given you a football nickname? blimey, what an honor. He sounds a bit of a prick really.

Original poster

theendishere · 06/07/2012 12:36

ladylibrary - he hasn't mentioned any stalker ex's but have only seen him a few times and i've not asked for lots of details about his ex's.
You could be right about the landline if it all went wrong, esp as his kis live with him some of the time and could pick up any messages from a 'mad woman'
he had seemed so open and genuine and really enjoyed his company. And ye there was the condom issue, but he straight away made the appt when i said it was basically test, condoms or we don't see eachother..

OP posts:

Dahlen · 06/07/2012 13:42

Personally, I wouldn't think it remotely odd for a new partner to refuse to give me landline/email within a few weeks of dating. I certainly wouldn't give mine out in that time frame.

However, the 'stalker' comment, combined with the fact that you've been to his house and he refuses to use condoms, would make me say "see ya" and move on rapidly.

Original poster

theendishere · 06/07/2012 13:49

Hmm I'm not sure what to think tbh. Prob shouldn't have asked but it's done now. Will keep my distance for a while and have a think

OP posts:

Original poster

theendishere · 06/07/2012 13:50

Wishing I hadn't given him my details now... bugger

OP posts:

Dahlen · 06/07/2012 14:06

Hey, no harm done. You've not slept with him and need never see him again. You haven't presented him with a boiled bunny or anything. Just forget and move on. You've done nothing wrong.

Original poster

theendishere · 06/07/2012 21:46

No, probably havent done anything wrong. eeing him was supposed to be a bit of fun, and i think i got carried away asking for things too soon?!

OP posts:

MissFaversam · 06/07/2012 22:21

No you didn't OP. The way i see it he wasn't upfront. One of the first things I do is ask for a landline and if they're not willing to give one I always take it as there being something fishy going on.

SoleSource · 07/07/2012 11:03

I have been single since 2008. I am still vulnerable so I do not date. I would never give a date my landline number or my email address with my surname (as it is very rare and easily traceable), nor my home address on a first date or within a first few months. I wouldn't expect a man to do the ssame thing.

This guy thinks a lot of himself, ditch him. I wouldn't take his name calling as being humorous.

Prove him wrong, do not stalk him via tet etc or expect anything of him.
Leave it cold.

Original poster

theendishere · 07/07/2012 19:07

I've realised what he's done now. He changed how the name appeared on his hotmail, but then changed it back again once i told him the surname wasn't what i thought it was. He'd never specifiically told me hs suranme, he just mentioned it when talking about something.
If he'd just said he felt uncomfortable giving details at this stage, it would have been ok, but the fact he said it wasn't an issue, when it clearly was is sad. He texted again last night and this afternoon (ie he sent first text). Not sure i believe he'll actually go for the test now either...

OP posts:

SoleSource · 07/07/2012 20:02

I know it is confusing, hurtful and your heart aches. You wonder if you can trust him and what he is up to when you're not together. All this equals to - you're not compatible. I think he has been badly hurt and might have had a bad experience so now treats women badly before they get a chance to do the same first. He will mess up your head, badly if you let him. Do not let him so....End it before he does.

Original poster

theendishere · 07/07/2012 20:08

before this i felt he proably was trustworthy - and he may be. he did have a bad experience with his ex (the mother of his children) and has oly had one lon term relationship since they split up 7 years ago.
Maybe i should ask him...not sure

OP posts:

SoleSource · 07/07/2012 20:47

Has he actually phoned you today or yesterday?

Original poster

theendishere · 07/07/2012 21:22

Not phoned but has texted yesterday and today..

OP posts:

MissFaversam · 07/07/2012 22:39

Bad experience, only one long term relationship in 7 YEARS. Ummmm, and it's the mother of his children, hmmmmm So now treats women badly, What the fuck is that about.

Why the hell are you doing this OP. Find a nice bloke love.

You weren't put on this earth to solve "his" problems.

MissFaversam · 07/07/2012 22:40

He either comes to the fore healthy or he needs to go away and solve "his" fucked up problems.

Original poster

theendishere · 07/07/2012 22:55

MissF - sorry maybe no clear. he split up from mother of his children 7 years ago. has been out with 5 women since, including one long term (1.5 years)

OP posts:

MissFaversam · 07/07/2012 23:03

Sweetheart if you have to come on the relationship site, the man is a problem. Healthy really doesn't appear here often, this is such a young relationship too. It really isn't worth it is it?

Original poster

theendishere · 07/07/2012 23:05

Thanks MrsF - i just dont know! I new to all this after being with stbx for 10.5 yrs. New man seemed very nice, and very attracted to him so hoped it would be fun and a distraction with no idea where it might lead...

OP posts:

peppapiglet · 07/07/2012 23:11

teis...
i dont think you are ready. this is eating you up.. the condom situation/tests etc and his stupid "Im joking" comments and silly football nicknames. you are very attracted, it is new.. you are nervous and you are not into one night stands. I think you want to explore even though you are at a vulnerable time.. you are being v accommodating of him.. did he like his birthday present by the way?
to be honest i dont think it will lead anywhere long term, it is too much like hard work early on... dont flame me for this, but i hope he gets the condom issue sorted, you have your fun, realise it isnt good and run! short term distraction.. to put everyones mind at rest! :-)

SoleSource · 07/07/2012 23:12

Emotions, feelings why we have so many? Confusing very often unreciprocated in my experiences. Ditch the disrespectful bitch. You're confused, low because of his name calling. You're a stalker, remember?. He doesn't trust you, in the slightest and has cottoned on you that you like him more than he will probably ever like you.

User and doesn't take you as a person seriously. You deserve to treat yourself inside better.

I learned the hard way.

MissFaversam · 07/07/2012 23:13

OP if you don't know... its a no just at the moment really.

Original poster

theendishere · 07/07/2012 23:25

Peppa - temping to have a bit of fun, then probably run...
Sole - no he clearly doesnt trust me and yes probably does realise how much i like him
Had arranged to see hm in a few days - what to do???

OP posts:

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