New man - landline/email?

[theendishere]

Been seeing some a few weeks - only have his mob number. He took longer than usual to reply to a text and it occurred to me that if phone broke or something, no way of contacting eachother, so asked him for his landline/email address. He hasn't given them to me and (apprently jokingly) called me a stalker...
was i wrong to ask?

If you're looking for "fun" I don't think you're going to find it with him.

Fun is easy, straightforward and makes you feel good. I wouldn't class any of his actions or the way they've made you feel in that way.

I'd be very wary of a man I met in a bar, who was up for sex but told me he couldn't use condoms, told me a sympathy-vote story about the "bad experience" he had with the mother of his children, was evasive and communicated mainly by text, and called me a stalker for trying to establish some firmer footing. He sounds like a player to me.

I'd cut your losses and get out, chalk it up to experience. You're only a few months out of your marriage break-up, the last thing you need is to get your head fried by this random.

you;re in limbo so early on.. take it as it comes.. "what to do?" what specifically are you worried about in meeting him in a few days?

RR - i was so sure he wasnt a player (have certainly come accross then before!!) but maybe i'm wrong...
First 2 dates were fun and he seemed genuine, now i'm not sure...
I'm so worried though as i've tols him stiff about me and stbx and gave him my email address and home phone number (and stbx ex still lives here)

peppa - just worried about whther to ( i do want to!) and if i do how to play things

DITCH HIM

oh your stbx is still there... eek. you may be playing on dangerous ground... you gave him your home phone number and your ex is there... hmmmm...
ok to put it bluntly.. you want to s**g him... i suppose you wont know how to play it until youre there. just be careful though as i dont think youre ready and i dont want you to get hurt when you are already vulnerable

Sole - why beuase of the phone thing? maye talk to him first?

i have to say though.. the sensible thing it to ditch him, as SS says

peppa - i know i soooo wish i hadnt given him my home number...

i know ditching him prob is the sensibl thing to do...

You need to make it clear that what he called you was unkind and untrue. If he makes unfunny quips tell him if you were to ever stalk a man, it would be somebody worth your time. I think he thinks he is God's gift.

well, if you take things further, he may well use the number, however i dont think so,, does he know your situation? how is your ex likely to react, is he volatile or aggressive at all?

If he knows youre still living with stbx then I don't think he's at all likely to ring you at home or turn up on your doorstep. And he probably won't remember the details of what you told him about stbx anyway.

Don't panic, you haven't done anything wrong.

Go and spend some time with your girlfriends having a giggle instead. Much more likely to be proper fun.

Sole - i don;t actually think he does think that about himself. he's actually tol me that although he appears fairly confident, he was nervous before meeting me and lacks confidence with some things, incl women! he can btinge quite self deprecating

I doubt stbx would be that bothered tbh! I'm sure new man would remember what i told him, some of it was pretty shocking!!
All my female friends have partners and are rarely up for nights out :(

couple of things here...

Home number issue
If you were seeing this bloke a couple of weeks, why on earth would you expect a home number? There are ALL SORTS of crazy on the internet, perfectly understandable.

You coming up with the what if anything happened blarney as a motive to get his home number, TBH if I were him, I'D have run for the hills.

I've been seeing someone for 2m, 'known' him for 3m, only last week did he get to come see me at home. I've not slept with him yet, we're taking things slowly. As it goes, he doesn't have my home number, but if he asked me for it now, I'd probably say OK. I'm going to his house later for the first time. ATM he still has my dating mobile number, not the main contract number, but that may change soon too. Have lost my job and running 2 phones is £10 a month I could save.

condom issue
Run for the hills, that's not good enough. If he has a hang up, he fixes it. He has been out with 7 women and slept with them all? then so will you have slept with them all and ALL their former partners if you sleep with him bareback.

You/STBX
I'm prepared to be flamed corrected, but tbh, I'd not trust a bloke still living with his ex. I'd suspect that there could be blurring or boundaries, and certainly it's still an emotional mess somehow. As such, until you are ON YOUR OWN, you are still emotionally attached, you are not free, and therefore bloke you attract that are OK with your set up may be only interested in a shag. You both seem to be rushing it a bit, considering.

I don't think you are in any way ready for this relationship, or any other tbh, you have HUGE amounts of baggage in the shape of your H, I worry that you have not exorcised the hurt/self esteem issues that a failed relationship ALWAYS manifest, and therefore are come across as grateful that anyone is interested in you.

You need to bin this guy, the condoms is the main reason for this. You need to BACK OFF dating ideally until STBX leaves, or you do.

Then you need to heal, process the split. ATM you are using dating as a sticky plaster, to help you get through the end of your relationship. That will tear you up.

Until you do this, you will be sending out a homing signal to all chancers, male defects and NSA guys, when you really are in the last mental place you need to be to deal with this kinds of pricks blokes.

Good post Happy!

oh dear...i feel such a fool.
btw what are NSA guys?

bump

No Strings Attached.

xx

You demand a lot from someone after 5 dates when you are still loving with your h

Oh i see! I clearly have a lot to learn...
so what do i do if he texts...

Anna - "loving with my h" wth are you talking about???

I think "loving" was a typo OP, I think she meant living.

anna you dont except someone to use condoms, respect your sexual health and not call you a stalker if you ask for their email address?! Losing, breaking or being robbed of a phone is so common now, and given that most people couldnt remember their own numbr never mind someone elses, I would say that an alternative method of communication is not U.

If he wants to have sex then he must either use condoms or prove that he isnt carrying anything nasty, i thought that was basic sexual health advice for all of us?!

And WTF has her still sharing a house with her ex got to do with her dating habits? She is not in a relationship, she is seperated but has to share her housing. Please explain why she shouldnt be demanding so much when she is still living with her H?

If you wouldnt ask what the OP has of a new realtionship then it seems to me that you expect too little anna, which is rather sad.

OP

What to do when he texts is to ignore him.

Anyone who is this much hard work after 5 dates isnt worth it. You are still in "married" mode where the instinct is to work through issues such as these, and in a marriage you would be right to do so. But you arent married to him. At this point he should be showing himself in his best light, bending over backwards to make you want to be with him (as should you with him), its called the "honeymoom phase" for a reason!

Move on, there are much nicer men out there :)