I think I need to end this friendship

[HexagonalQueenOfEverything]

Its a very long story but I'll try to keep it fairly brief. I was very good friends with a woman who lives in my road. Our daughters are at school together. We were very close. About a year ago she just stopped talking to me. I had no idea why and asked her several times but she denied not talking to me and said I'd done nothing wrong. At the same time her husband stopped talking to me too, he deleted and blocked me on Facebook and refused to talk to me in the street or at the school. I asked my friend about this too and she said she had no idea why.

I kind of then accepted the friendship was over and just went about my daily life. If I saw this friend I was polite to her but didn't get involved much. After about 3 months she started messaging me a lot, both as a text and facebook messages, and eventually I started replying and we chatted a lot. I don't see her much as we're both busy. It's always her instigating the messages, often 5 or more per day.

In the last few days though it's dawned on me that the friendship is all on her terms, and actually the following apply:

If I see her in public locally she just says a quick 'hello' and carries on walking. If we are somewhere like a kids party she stands/sits with me but on the school run she actively crosses the road to avoid me.

I've tried inviting her to several nights out and other things but she always says no. Anything is always met with 'not sure what I'm doing yet'

She won't come round or invite me in her house. I recently took a birthday present round for her child and she barely opened the door to me to take it.

She makes excuses if I invite her daughter round. Says she's going out then on her Facebook status totally contradicts herself.

So basically she just wants the friendship to be in a text/facebook format and I think it's her husband dictating to her. However although I've been understanding of this until now, I don't think I am prepared to put up with half a friendship, on her terms. Last night she went out and I saw her walking past the house with two mutual friends and it dawned on me that no way would she have a night out with me now, let alone walk anywhere with me. To me, a friend is a friend at all times, not just when they choose to be.

I feel upset but in a way glad I've come to this decision.

btw...ignore the texts (unless it is your mum of course) and keep ignoring them, she sounds a bit unbalanced. Is she certain that she is sending them to you, as well - could she have got someone else's phone number mixedup with yours?

LOL @ you lot! It does sound like my mum, apart from the fact that my mum wouldn't have a clue how to send her a text. Bless her

Actually, Emillie makes a good point...

I don't think she's got the numbers mixed up as she often mentions my DCs names in the texts and asks things about them...

this is really strange then.

The only thing I can think is it is actually someone totally different sending you the texts to the person you see...does she have an identical twin or something.

I cannot figure out why someone would text so frequently as almost to cross the line into harrassment (especially if you have stopped replying!!) but refuse to acknowledge you in the street. It makes no sense.

I wouldn't do anything drastic. But personally, conducting a friendship through texts is just plain odd.

So if you think you want her to be more face to face with you, tell her that you've made the decision to stop texting people for anything other than the reasons you previously listed, because you are getting RSI. That will either force her to speak to you properly or it will finally kill of the friendship. Then I'd continue to be cheerily friendly but detatched. And make some new friends.

This is all very odd, isn't it. Have a look back at the txts, is it all questions as to what you are up to and nothing about her? Because it sounds as though she is keeping tabs on you.

Oh Chitchat I just thought that too.

In which case, your next response should be 'Tea? Oh, steak and chips. I'm starving since I spent all afternoon rogering your husband.'

I have to say I would have told her to fuck off years ago all that texting - its more than I text my partner, mother and best mate combined!

The sound like a pair of crazies tbh, you are well rid OP.

I reckon she has been using you as an emotional crutch OR is trying to keep tabs on ur behaviour - you could reply asking about her H? ;)

sod it just say "I have a home, family and friends to occupy me and can't be arsed to reply to your frankly BORING texts especially when you do no have the decency to acknowledge me in public. PS I have no idea why your husband blocked me on fb, but he gives of a rather creepy vibe. Please do not contact me again."

are we sure it's not the hubby texting you on her phone?

Hmmm, this is odd but I also wondered when I read your OP about the husband possibly having feelings for you or accusing you of something...

But the other thing, is from the sound of your OP you would have replied to those texts usually. It's now been two days of texts that you haven't replied to and she hasn't once asked why? That's really odd aswell and does make me wonder if she's a bit unhinged... If you are texting someone and they don't reply when they normally would, why would you just carry on? Wouldn't you stop texting and just wait for a reply before sending more? Very very odd...

You are well-shot of her!

Good question PC, could it be the husband?

If so that's horrifying.

I think the husband has feelings for you. Perhaps he's known as a bit of a player. She might have suspicions about what he's up to - so she's keeping tabs on you, to see what you're up to. So she is suspicious of him, and trying to find out if he is seeing you......whatever, it's all pants. So I would just ignore her silly texts, hold your head up high and give her the cold shoulder. If she asks why, then like a wise poster upthread said, just say that you either want a proper friendship or nothing - not a text/facebook 'friendship'.

Any texts today OP?

Hi everyone

I thought I'd pop on again to update.

I have given her an extremely wide berth since I posted about it and have rarely seen her, but the few times I have seen her she looks at me as though she's never seen me before in her life, including yesterday at an evening school event, but the FB messages and texts still continue. I ignore 99% of them now. Oddly too, if I do a FB status she wishes to reply to, she messages me with what her reply would be, rather than do it on the status.

I have seen recently she has been writing on mutual friends' walls about how they all need to 'get together and have a girls night out', but has said nothing to me.Not that I'd go anyway....

So I am absolutely baffled. The other 'friend' is still very cool towards me too when I see her.

It sounds very odd. I thought that perhaps the husband had forbade her from contacting you if he is an abusive nutter or something - but it sounds like she's allowed to hang out with others so maybe not. Could he be jealous of the friendship you two had?
To be honest, if someone was that rude to me, I'd broach it to them VERY BLUNTLY (because I'm impatient like that) either in person of via email etc if that was how they demanded to communicate. Just ask them what the hell was going on and point out how deeply odd their behaviour was. I'd then give them a set window of time to reply, between 24 hours and a week. After that if no meaningful response was forthcoming I'd delete and block and say no more about it, and assume they were just a loony.
It's like she doesn't want to be seen associating with you for some reason but still likes your support and company in private - on her terms, as you say. A strange one!

She is totally bizarre. I would not give her another moment of your head space. You're not responding to her FB messages, are you?

You could embarrass her by thanking her loudly for all her messages iin front of those friends who are also being weirdly chilly to you.

If i were you i would delete her off Facebook. If she tries to contact you either ignore her or tell her that she actively ignores you every time she sees you as if she doesn't know you so you don't see the point. That you have given her many chances to explain if there was a problem and she says there isn't but there clearly is. And that you still think it very odd that her husband has blocked you and you have done nothing wrong.

Then i would contact the other friend and ask her directly if this woman has been talking crap at you. Explain you were very friendly, her husband picked his child up, then deleted you off facebook and ever since she has acted like this. And you for the life of you can't work out why. You are perfectly happy not to have a friendship with her but have sensed other people are now being cool towards you and are finding it upsetting.

I have to say i wouldn't want anything more to do with her again BUT it would do my head in if she is going around talking about you. God knows waht she could be saying.

Defriend her from FB and change your number so she can't text you and keep tabs.

Oh and let her talk about you all she wants. Any decent person will come to you to get their facts.

.

God life's too short to be having all this with a so called friend. I would delete and block her from FB and simply never reply to another text. But I've been shit on by numerous friends over the years so my tolerance level for drama is very low.

Friendships should enhance your life. If they don't, dump and move on!

Sometimes I do wonder if I wear a sign that says 'please shit on me' as I have had my fair share of rubbish friends. I have such a low tolerance to people these days, probably a few years ago I'd have been grateful she was still my friend even if only on her terms