Family finances - how do you sort out your equal share?

[minitinyminuteme]

Was just wondering really how other households divide wages etc.

Have partner who works full time and i work part time but am expected to do everything else - housework, shopping, washing etc. After we are paid we split things down the middle exactly. I am left with about £10 to last me the week whilst he gets left with about £150 sometimes more.

Have a dd 14 and another dd 3 and one on the way (4 months pregnant).

When they need things i am expected to pay out for them even though he earns so much more than i do. For example our toddler needed a bed as she was jumping out of her cot which was dangerous and i ended up buying bed, mattress and bedding. Not that i mind of course as it was essential.

Suppose just want a moan and some other opinions on the situation, nothing too horrible as new to this.

Equal share? Erm, well, we both tip our wages into the joint account, transfer a wodge into a budget account for all bills, give ourselves our own "pocket money accounts" and spend whatever's left on food/socials/savings/holidays etc..
Job done. If you're a partnership/family and there are no previous problems with personal debt for one of you, why wouldn't you?

I work 0.6 to dh's full-time. We generally split household chores according to preference, although I suppose I do more as I'm here more.

Dh and I have had a variety of working arrangements - both students, me working full time and him at home, him working full time me at home, him working full time and me part time etc. We have always pooled all our income and have equal access to anything left over. It works extremely well and we both feel that our contributions, whether monetary or otherwise are equally important. I wouldn't be happy with any other arrangement.

I think your current set up is deeply unfair. However you arrange things practically, IMO the only fair outcome is that you should both have similar amounts of money to spend.

I think that is really unfair and selfish of your dh. Even if you were a SAHM I would still expect him to share his wages with you.

Why are you financially responsible for the bed?

If he doesn't accept that he needs to be fairer, I would suggest that you work out an hourly rate for the childcare, cooking and cleaning duties and then invoice him for 50 per cent.

I think your situation is horrible

Why are 'you' paying for mattresses out of your meagre allowance

They're your partner's kids too?

why cant you put everything in one pot?

I note you work p/t ... But how can you split it down the middle and be left with barely anything ?

Everything goes on bills and essentials. There's almost sod all to divvy up after they've been paid.

What's your partner spending his £150 per week on

That's a lot of spends

All income goes into joint account and all bills are paid from it. Pocket money (equal amounts) goes into individual accounts. Pocket money is for us to buy crap with, not for the kids but we aren't uber strict about it e.g. if I bought a book or something for myself alongside groceries then I wouldn't transfer £3 into the joint account to cover it but in general we buy our own hobby type purchases from our own accounts and household and kid stuff from the joint account.

We used to pay the same percentage of our wages into the joint account, then had our own money to spend, or save from our own accounts.

More often then not DH pays for meals out or takeaways etc. Sometimes petrol and food come from the joint account , sometimes our own accounts .

Recently we changed it so that Dh money pays the bills, my wages go into our Isas and savings accounts. This is as we are ttc #1 and i wanted to have time to get used to Dh paying for everything whilst on mat leave (just minimum smp to come from work). It also means i know we have savings to help when off work/pay for baby things.

Can't you do a percentage of your wages to the house bills as it's fairer?

We worked out the rent, council tax, gas, electric etc and split it down the middle. After i pay my half i am left with virtually nothing.

Had previous savings for bed etc. (Bed really isn't the issue as dd needed it, was just an example)

Other half just thinks i have it so easy. Dd 3 still wakes every night at least twice sometimes more and what with working and doing everything else he doesn't understand how tired i get. Suppose just annoyed with his selfishness and the fact he just doesn't understand how easy he has it.

dd14 if from previous relationship. Dd 3 and one on way are his.

I work 0.6, DH works FT, DCs are 10 and 8.
Wages all go in the joint account, direct debits for "allowances" go out each month to individual accounts. We all (including DCs) do our share of housework depending on other commitments.
Spending on DCs, house and for family occasions is from joint account, spending for e.g. Lunches or presents from only one of us, or our clothes is from individual accounts.

looking like i am a mug :(

So you are struggling financially while he has plenty of money to spend? Why are you with someone so selfish?!

Unless I'm missing something, if things are split down the middle, how do you end up with £10 and he ends up with £150?

i get between £150 and £160 wages a week so by the time i pay my £150 im left with £10. He pays his £150 and then whats left is his.

We're skint, there are no extras atm. Salaries get paid into the joint account where bills/food/petrol etc are also paid from. Once upon a time we had a pocket money account each, and we got an equal amount each each month. Dh has always earned significantly more than me btw.

Your share is very definitely not equal, and I personally couldn't live with an arse someone who found that acceptable.

I'm a student and DH is on a decent salary so we put everything in the joint account which we both have access to. We have never tried to split expenses in any way since we married, as it would have ended up being unequal if it was split according to wages. My leisure and hobby expenses are generally higher than his, but that's never been an issue at all.

I also have a dc from a previous relationship (get no maintenance from bio dad) and DH doesn't consider his expenses to be separate either. I lost all my child tax credits when we married as his salary took us over the threshold, so it made sense that the family income was to cover the costs of the whole family, no matter what the biological relationships are.

My DH works full time and I am a SAHM (have been for 10 years and probably have another 5 years to go). His wages go into the main account and the bills and rent gets paid. Anything that is left gets spent on what ever needs to be bought and if we want something personal then we will buy it.

Joint account from day 1, everything goes into it. Amount to cover the bills gets transferred to another account. 1 of us draws cash out of the bank, we split it. If one of us runs out or low, we share. Not rocket science.

It's worked for us for 35 years a while.

minitinyminuteme Sat 30-Jun-12 12:07:01

i get between £150 and £160 wages a week so by the time i pay my £150 im left £10. He pays his £150 and then whats left is his.

Then what needs to happen is it needs to be proportionate to what you earn so you are both left with similar amounts. Family stuff needs to be shared between you. Or you put everything in one account and everything gets paid out from there and you both have the same amount of pocket money for personal stuff.

You see, I think you're starting from the wrong end - with splitting the bills down the middle. If you must do it that way, then at least split them proportionally, according to your wages. And I suppose that if you get any sort of maintenance for your dd then that could sway it a little.

I mean are you a proper family, or flatmates? You have children together, so I would say the first. So why's he trying to live like the second?

We pay equally for joint things and retain our own accounts otherwise but that's because we earn about the same and are not married.

Now we have a child that could change. If I go back to work part time or have a second one soon and decide to be a SAHM DP will have to support us all. When we bought our house together we made sure we could afford it on one income and I did the sums and worked out that we could live on one income if necessary.

I think once you are a family, rather than two adults sharing (potentially temporarily) you have to see income as going into a common pot and make decisions about child care accordingly, also taking account of things like desire to develop a career, or need to feel useful and engaged in the world, which may cause temporary financial disadvantage for longer term or other sorts of gain.

Money has nothing to do with housework. Nothing at all, unless it enables you to pay a cleaner. We do our equal share and the fact I'm on mat leave has no bearing on that.

Also, to be perfectly honest, we budget that way because it wasn't immediately clear that we'd stay together and everything, moving in together, holidays etc have been done on a 'hope it works out but let's see' basis, so ensuring that we retain financial autonomy and could extract ourselves neatly, makes sense.

That's changed since buying the house (though, sensibly, as tenants in common) and having a baby.

We do plan ahead for larger things, so agree a spending plan for the coming six months or so. Just a list with estimated prices really. So, if we had to buy a bed unexpectedly, we could look at the plan and say 'ok that means we'll have to postpone repairing the windows' or whatever.

I think in your case, a joint account for everything, or paying in proportionately, is the only way to go. Btw, have you thought about pensions, life insurance, wills etc? Both in terms of making sure you're both looked after fairly for the future and that either of you and the children would be ok if the other one went under a bus.

All income into one account, All bills come out of this including a standing order to a PAYG mastercard which is used for food and petrol.

We split the remaining amount three ways between me, DH and savings account.

This has always been the case since we first moved in together even though DH has always earned several hundred more than me per month and remains the same now I'm a SAHM.

What would your DH say if you suggested that you two should do something similar?