3am - dilemma - no idea WHAT t think

[Dontknowwhatithink]

Husband out tonight/last night at a "networking" thing with a client.

I last spoke to him early evening when he said he had been having communication problems with his phone all day (02 blackberry). He said there is a casino next to the hotel where they had meeting and that it looks like they would be going in to that ... And that he would be late. I joked saying that he'd need to not get carried away and to stick to a budget ...

So now at 2.45 am I wake and husband not home.

I check phone - email from him at just before midnight saying he was still having communication probs with phone - that clients are going onto "another" late night casino and that he was going with them. That client has an apartment nearby and he will crash there as he has an eat meeting with them in the morning.

Small backstory here in that my husband has tattoos - something he has always regretted and been very conscious of at golfing days etc when even in high summer he has ensured his tarts are covered up at all times so as not to give the wrong impression ....

To be honest I just don't know what to think - at this time in the morning it's easy to convince myself of any scenario!

I just don't know how to play things in the morning ....

My heart is racing ... I feel sick.

Wtf do I do now?

Yes I do.

Yes there is.

What do I do now? Please helP me ..

Is that the only one though, nothing more? When was it sent? Was there a response?

I'd probably call him and tell him to get the fuck home now.

Maybe you should print them so he cant delete them?

Can you check the credit card statement for these flowers and presents?

Shit no.
I don't want a blind blazing row - not at this time of the day.
Oh fuck I have no idea what to do.

I've got copies

I dont really go on these threads much so I'm not too sure but I think you are meant to:

Keep a record
Collect evidence/possibly snoop further
Maybe make a plan of what you want to say to him when he does come back, I imagine he might say well why were you going through my emails and try and evade the questions. Project it on to you etc. So you could make a list of points to make and questions to ask.

Oh poor you. I'm so sorry .

Now I'm thinking of it - he had a golfing thing the other weekend and for the first time in our relationship history he packed his own case

.. and so all the prices slowly slot together

I can hold your hand here for a while

How awful, OP. So is he supposed to be coming home in the morning to change and have breakfast? Are you a SAHM?

How're you doing, OP? Don't suppose you'll be able to sleep.

Keep talking here if it helps.

Yes I'm a SAHM.

I haven't slept.

Have been travelling through his email account - I hate having to do it. I have printed copies of the emails.

But I don't know what to do.

We are going on a family holiday in a few days time - this is going to be hell.

I guess now I've been mulling over it for a few hours my instinct tells me to keep quiet and monitor / gather evidence I suppose.

Keep a diary? But where?

I need to protect the little one.

Feel sick still.

On your phone? Then you can always email it yourself if you have a smartphone.

Were there any other signs that this was on the cards?

Whilever you know, but he doesn't know that you know, you are in charge

What do you want to happen now? The ball is firmly in your court.

Also if your a SAHM does that mean you're financially dependent on him? Do you think this will make you want to split from him? Maybe you should get a gauge of your finances.

I feel I should say there could be an innocent explanation. Don't get too angry and let it cloud your judgment.

Yes I am totally financially dependent on him - actually I'm trying to get a job, I guess I've had a nagging feeling about this for a while

I don't know what I want to happen at the moment to be perfectly honest - apart from keeping things on an even keal for our child - I really don't want her world turned upside down and certainly don't want her to see me unfavourably as I know my H is capable of doing !!!

I am scared.

Say nothing for the moment.

Trawl through every piece of financial paperwork you can find and copy everything.

Check all credit card statements and bank statements.

Pay slips, bonus and share certificates are all very important.

So sorry you are going through this , but as you say, you need to protect your child.

Don't give your H a chance to hide any money or assets.

This happened to a good friend of mine. She did everything I have suggested. When he tried to hide his money, she was able to produce all the evidence. With 3 children to support, she needed all the maintenence she was entitled to.

All good points.

I have absolutely nO money myself - how can I build up a bolt fund.

I feel cold now - need to protect little one - I think I need to be clever about all of this .... Do I ?

Sorry - lots of things mulling thru my head - just have a massive instinct to protect.

Is that normal?

Shit! I've got her address! Invoice for flowers!