I agree with Math.
No-one here can diagnose a personality disorder. Very few professionals can do so, actually.
All we can do here is to reflect back what we see in your posts Banana and our interpretation of the events you describe.
The two events you've described on this thread over the weekend for me, have a very different interpretation to the ones you offer.
I think you are setting your husband up to fail and then when he does, you blame him for it.
You know that your husband is desperate to keep you and will seemingly do anything to make you happy. As I will suggest later, I think a part of you has always despised him for that, especially now that you have 'done your worst' and he is still there, forgiving you. So you know that if you make the merest suggestion that you want to watch something else on TV, he will accede to your request. And that it will irritate the hell out of you that he is so weak and unchallenging. So instead of acknowledging that, you set the situation up so that this is what would happen. If it were otherwise, you would have calmly popped elsewhere with no fuss and watched something else.
Similarly, you know your husband is missing physical intimacy and that his esteem about his sexual attraction to you has been diminished by your affair. But his conscious self doesn't put any pressure on you to have sex - and if you'd remained in separate rooms despite his request, the unconscious is where his desire for you might have remained. But you didn't and so he acted out in his sleep what he cannot articulate in the conscious world - and you judge him for it. Again I have to wonder how a male poster who'd had an affair, was still obsessing about the OW and kept physically rejecting his forgiving wife, would be treated by other posters who seem keen to let you off the hook for these cruelties.
Having read this thread and your others, I do wonder whether at some level you have always known there is a manipulative and dark side to your personality? There are clues that others might sense this, from your lack of sustained friendships with other women. I wonder whether you have always respected your husband less because he couldn't see these traits? And liked the OM more because he could see your faults (maybe they mirrored his) and yet still appeared to want you? I can see that your hate of him would be magnified to the extent that it is (and explains a lot) precisely because he could see your behaviour more clearly, appeared to accept you despite it and then rejected you in favour of someone else?
I don't think anyone is 'all good' or 'all bad'. I think all we can hope for is to see others and ourselves clearly, work on our own faults and try to treat people who love us with dignity and compassion. That means accepting your husband's personality and acknowledging that he is somewhat blind to your faults. I think if you got some help acknowledging them yourself this relationship might only work if you had the belief that your husband actually loved the real you - and not his idealised version of you. I also think you need help to process your anger towards the OM - and dig a bit deeper about what it is about his behaviour that is really angering you to this extent. Is it as I suggest because he knew you too well, recognised a kindred spirit and rejected you because of it?
I think if you don't start considering these issues and dealing with them, you will continue to be cruel to your husband and your marriage will not work, although it might survive only as long as you're prepared to stay in it. If your husband were posting here, I'd advise him to get some space from you and think about what he wants from life, because at the moment I can't think that this relationship is healthy for him. I asked you before if you loved him enough to set him free? I think you need to make a decision about that.