is he being a dick or is it me??

[LittleMissMessup]

DP of four years works away about 80% of the time, few weeks gone, maybe a week back, then gone again, very haphazard, he's missed birthdays, anniversaries etc..he totally loves the job, never even discussed taking it with me, he was offered it within his company (no pay rise with it) and took it. I'm full time mum of 3, part time freelance writer and spend most ofmy time feeling like a single mum struggling to make ends meet..
He's currently away, we've seen him about five weeks this year in odds and sods, no real quality time at home. He's just called saying how we can't wait to come home, realizes he's been away a lot this year etc and I tell him how DD 2 has started asking for him all the time (she's 2) and we can't wait to have him home next Friday. He then says oh I'm not coming home Friday, there's a big party Friday night. It's free booze, it'll be a laugh etc..and I was like what the actual fuck!! Then he says I hate him going out. I don't.. I hate that we once again come after his fucking social life.
I love him but i have gone through so much shit with him, EA's (yes, plural) not wanting to involve me in his social life, me not being able to challenge him without it being world war III..
I don't know, I'm tired, I've been organizing our imminent house move while he's been away, on top of looking after DC and trying to meet a deadline. This has just made me so sad, I feel it's so selfish of him and maybe it's the last straw..or maybe it's me being unreasonable?? And views ladies??

Why does he come home so rarely then? How far away is he? Does he not get weekends/2days off in a row?

Stay in touch x

You sound fab, btw

Best of luck with the move. Let us know you're okay x

It's not you, it's him. Do not, whatever you do, marry him! Actions speak louder than words, and his actions are screaming that he doesn't give a toss about you and the DC. Sorry :(

You are all so lovely, thank you.
Clam..his work takes him everywhere, wherever the company needs him basically as they have offices all over the place.. he'll tend to work three weeks solid then come home for a couple of days but he's always on call so the most he's back is maybe a week then called away again.. it's the nature of the job.
AF, madonna, twolittle.. thanks, I'll be back when I can.. you've been just what I needed x

Don't worry too much about the house - at least, don't worry too much about him moving into it. I think there will be a lot of reasons why he 'can't actually move in right now' in the immediate future. Basically, this man is Not That Into You. If he's not actually shagging around at the moment, he's got his cock out waiting for an opportunity.
Don't put any more effort into trying to make him 'love' you, though. It's not worth it; there is NOTHING AT ALL you could do that would make him commit to you, spend time with you, do his share of the housework and childcare and take notice of your needs. You say you chose the new house and it's somewhere that you and your DC will enjoy living - go ahead and enjoy building your lives there. But do your research, sort your finances out, make sure you know what you will be able to get in the way of benefits/child support when he fucks off. Because he will, sooner or later - and it would be even better if you were in a good enough financial position to hand him his arse first. What you don't want is to be hanging on hopefully and dependent on him to pay his share of the rent, only for him all of a sudden to send you a text to the effect that he's marrying someone else, won't be back and won't be paying any more rent on your home.

I think you'll recognise this man in this book I found it very useful.

Good luck with the move JJ.

Good luck with the move.

I think you should just leave the status quo as it is. Realize that he is a man that pays your rent, and has fathered one of your children, and now and then pop back into your lives to stay for a few days. Disengage. Move on, find a job, and stop thinking about him as your partner, because he isnt. (just make sure you use condoms, because you are "off the pill" or "taken the coil out" or whatever, so you dont catch anything nasty from him)

You do sound really lovely.

Hi all just a very quick update..having a quick coffee in Starbucks before we hit the road. All we own is in a big van on it's way to our new home, the kids have been stars this morning, there is definitely a fish and chip supper on the cards tonight sassy. They're currently tucking into those marshmallow on a stick things they do in Starbucks.
Spoke to DP last night and this morning, as usual it's as if we never had a cross word and I've too much to think about to engage in it right now. He did say he's coming back Friday and that considering going to the party was a shit thing so he'll be joining us on Friday as planned, he's also talking about time off to 'work on us'. I know my heart isn't in it anymore though, so maybe it's too little too late. just a matter of time..
Oh, Quint, I'm just setting myself up as self employed so it's a brand new start all round. I'm a writer you know!
Thanks again to everyone who took the time to give advice and wish me luck. Today i swap my city view for a seaview. Can't wait!

Wow, very jealous of the move to the seaside, maybe its what you need to force a new start all round? Hope it all goes well. Keep posting x

you sound so upbeat- fantastic!

the stupid fecker can prob sense the difference too- hence the about turn.

keep a look out for a manipulation offensive, as it quite suits him to keep you as you were before.

im v jealous of the move too - im trying to get my dp interested in an abroad move !

look forward to your - 'i've got rid thread'.

Im so jealous, i would love to live by the sea

Lovely. Fish supper, tucked up in pjs with a nice dvd. Have a great time, and hope it goes well.

if you can do all this without him....why exactly do you need this selfish man at all ?

Well here we are. We made it! This is was always the dream, our shared dream. Took us nearly two years to find the perfect place and now it's ours.

DP has text a few times over the course of the afternoon, mostly to say he knows he should be here helping me and he'll make up for it at the weekend so to leave all the big stuff (rebuilding the beds etc) til he gets home.
The fish and chip supper draws ever nearer.. and if it seems like thoughts of DP and what may happen in the future have been shelved, that's partly because I want to enjoy these first few days in our new home without that particular dark cloud hovering over it, and partly because I'd rather have him stood in front of me when we discuss our 'future '.
you're all great btw, this is just what I've needed..thanks for all..and maybe a glass for me tonight :)

AF.. I think he's just realized the self same think...

*thing.. stupid phone..

I hope so, love

*thing.. stupid phone..

Be prepared for lots of 'sweet, helpful guy' for a few weeks, just long enough for you to think everything is fine, the worst is over, he is fulfilling his side of the relationship.

In a few weeks he will be back to 'normal'.