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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Living with a narcissist

404 replies

Abitwobblynow · 22/06/2012 23:55

Is hard. Busy taking one day at a time whilst I work on myself and developing stability. He isn't horrible but he isn't available either.

Anyway, now that my eyes are opened, it is sad/interesting to see the mini-moments that announce his narcness, that I was so blind to before! If I see them, I can either set boundaries or self-soothe to stay calm.

Last weekend, he tells me he bought a Ferrari. *

So, phone rings (he is on a business trip). Telling me about his evening out with adoring female acolytes (he likes them best). I started telling him about two of our friends, who are having issues.

Silence, and then: well then. I must go.

I have come on so much. I used to be destroyed, now I feel vaguely sorry for him. It must be awful to be that empty.

*Don't worry. Whilst I did not cause him, cannot cure him and certainly can't control him, it went down on the list with all the other toys for misappropriation of marital assets when the time comes.

OP posts:
seaofyou · 08/07/2012 19:04

I don't know if it is a trait doingit lol! But ex had a new enterprise every week.

The idealise, devalue and discard is what happened I never heard of it before but ESP the discard UA. Thanks for that view on it.

The gas lighting was practically cruel and the vengeful nature to get back. The blaming everyone else for anything that went wrong...I was to blame when his Internet marriage failed. Knowing I had no witnesses the way the gaslighting was done it made me test my own sanity. Putting outside lights out, burn marks on door, breaking letterbox and metal plate arson team put on. The silly silly games that left me with PTSD so bad I surrendered ready to be murdered! I excepted my fate. I knew it was a matter of time after trying to force open door with screwdriver as we slept on one of the last attacks as ex was getting more aggressive, trying to get through the door.

Actually I used to be relieved when ex was loved up with his next internet victim as he would stop the vicious vengeful attacks for ruining his life when I ain't spoke to the pillock for yrs! But still had the backlash of the twisted warped way of blaming me.

I was told ex kept returning to me because I am an easy victim...no family, vulnerable SN child, no one to turn too, easy to escape, no one here to witness it. Enjoying frightening me and seeing the police turn up or me stupidly running outside to try and see who kicked my door for the umpteenth time ex possibly got psychological kicks from it of power/pleasure?
I could say it was ex's guilt of the way he threw his unborn dc to the side...naw ex hasn't got a pin drop of guilt!

I check mated ex big time with the CCTV Grin

garlicbutter · 08/07/2012 19:20

They don't need a "reason" to keep returning, Springy. Never let anyone suggest you in any way deserved it, or asked for it, or were a sitting duck. It simply isn't like that ... with your average woman-hating abuser, maybe there's some logic. But sociopathic logic isn't rational. One day, a very long time ago, he appointed you as keeper of his emotional welfare and - more importantly! - his ego. When his ego gets smashed, therefore, you've failed (according to this insane logic) and he's justifiably (ditto) angry.

seaofyou · 08/07/2012 19:52

Gate keeping is possibly a true thing, because I know ex doesn't abuse ex Internet bride!

Springy that is awful what happened in court I am so sorry! My ex used to put me down on his blog, makes ex feel more superior I guess! It's horrid to experience it.

It's going rather fast this thread have pages to catch up on but every thread is yep (tick)...feels like I found a thread that is slippers on and a Brew and Biscuit as I am wearing the same slippers and drinking from same cuppa!

It is oddly comforting

springydaffs · 08/07/2012 19:57

don't get what you mean by your 19:20 post garlic - what are you referring to as I can't see where I said anything that related to them 'returning'??

DoingItForMyself · 08/07/2012 20:08

Seaofyou, it is oddly reassuring to hear that others have been through the same things - for me I count my blessings that mine was fairly mild in comparison (esp to yours!), which makes me feel both sad for you all and a bit of a fraud for being here!

But however they present themselves, being with someone who makes you feel crap about yourself, guilty about them and hopeless about your future is an awful thing to endure, so feeling a little bit less alone can only help. Pass the biccies!

garlicbutter · 08/07/2012 20:51

Really sorry, Springy, I was relying to sea's post not yours. Must pay more attention!

UnlikelyAmazonian · 08/07/2012 20:58

Seaofyou you truly had a horrific time of it. I remember your threads. Horrible. Scary shitty bastard. And the police such a bunch of pansies.

Know what you mean - the crap logic that they actually have to physically hurt you (by which time it might be too late) before they can step in.

My ex smashed me to pieces. He stole my life, he crippled my kneecaps and shot me through the head.

But to everyone else he 'just left you and you probably deserved it as you were a bit difficult'. So would you have been if you were ignored for days on end and disappeared-on for days on end.

nobody gets it unless you've lived it.

Funny now that my ds has leukaemia --- all those piss-poor people have suddenly cropped up to send me best wishes and what an amazing person I am...

Great. Well thanks for that. You weren't there when I really needed you four and a half years ago ! In fact you tsked and raised your eyebrows and treated me like the madwoman in the attic. You didn't stand up to him or stick up for me...so I really cannot take your best wishes for my boy seriously now and and I know also that you are made of mouldy old pizza dough incapable of rising. But thanks anyway.'

Only I don't say any of that.

I either say 'thankyou'

or I don't reply at all.

Bloody idiots.

seaofyou · 08/07/2012 21:30

Just catching up on page 9-11 (sorry)

It's quite funny and relief to read back through some of these threads lol! Catsrus Ex would never let me iron his shirts as my standard was not good enough! Great hated them as blinking awkward shapes to them! Also yes my ex stepped into a role of leader of a coven and counsellor to guide possibly manipulate and abuse OW. Gave ex easy access to opposite sex and be worshipped!

GB ex thought he was a Hollywood billionaire as did look like him a bit! But thought he was up their with the star! My ex too has Aspergers like his 2 half dc have, but as Paed pointed out to me...this is something more! Paed never said what? MN has alo been a pillar of strength for me too mainly to do with being impossible to get RL support...I am glad Hugh GB you are working through your many Narc and Sociopath sad experiences and so glad you are here to tell your story as it sounds like the first husband came close to murdering you:( twitter and fb is a Narcs empire! They able to hide behind the veil of words and never let their real self slip! I knew you meant me not springy lol!

Ex is a member of VW'S club...I bet it is a popular area for Narcs as a few of our EXs liked VWs, ex last car I spotted him was a mini another top label!

Leuji ex always drive unless it was for meal/pub and I had to drive back each time as ex would always be the one who had a drink....the dearest glass of wine in the brassier of course!

Theirgoes you write it so simply but wow lol!

Of spring the director...that says it all! As soon as I said 'no' (abortion) I was cut from the production.

No Doingit don't feel a fraud because you are being beaten too, it doesn't matter your door is not smashed in or your child has not been physically abused...it is the emotional scars that last longer from the psychological abuse, that is why we are all here years later!

UnlikelyA it was lovely to read ds is on next phase of treatment(((hugs))). I think about you a lot being alone with ds like I am. Ex family wanted to know about ds when dx at 2yrs old and help...they didn't want to know before...even ex felt he had too for couple visits. It didn't last long and they (thankfully) abandoned ds again couple years ago. From experience though I have found it easier on my own than put up with the bullying, controlling, always on their terms and treating me like something on bottom of their shoe. It was more stress than help. But I know one thing about you UA and many who know you, you have a huge strength always have had as you gave me lots of support back in dark times. Your love for your ds gives you the strength of 100 men to fight for ds to get what is needed ...a hollow man like your ex would have never had that strength you know as no love, no understanding and your ds has truly a mum with super powers without needing the badges just pure love and strength. You are your ds's army and empire, you alone UA x

Abitwobblynow · 08/07/2012 21:38

Amazon, YOU CANNOT GO NOW after saying those incredible things.

You see, what is so freaky is that I could have written every word of Springy. Every word, and so that can't be coincidence it has to be part of a script. He was the love of my life and I found out it wasn't real.

Now that is all BS, because I loved a... an.... what?

This is a huge part of my upset, that such a huge part of my life wasn't real. I can never, ever, ever, (I was thinking this the other day in the wash rooms of HRW!) get such disloyalty (of an intense long standing affair). You can only be that disloyal, if you, well, only think of yourself. So what was it, that I loved so much?

Sad
OP posts:
Abitwobblynow · 08/07/2012 21:48

And the other thing, was that he told me that the reason he really liked OW, was that she was 'warm'. That really struck me, because I was warm once. So now I shove it in his face. I invite him to find another hot [specific racial group], and when he has sucked the warmth out of her, he can find another one.

Because it is so important, I want to repost Triffid:

[Discussing narcissism] It puts you in a passive role - the one who reacts, watches, identifies behaviour etc. - but it's still all about them, isn't it? Just exactly the way they like it.

I was stuck at this stage with my H for far too many years - trying to work out why he did what he did, trying to tie together the charming, kind man he appeared to be with his selfish, hurtful actions, losing confidence in myself with every single day, but luckily for me (and I do say luckily) I found out about his using prostitutes last year (after previous affairs, counselling, promising he'd changed - please fill in script here...).

Something switched off in me. I just don't care if he's a narcissist or a Martian or Justin Bieber fan, all I care about is that I would never want to share my life with a man like that - he doesn't even come close to my absolute minimum standards. He got away with it for years by lying to me and manipulating my goodwill and desire to keep the family together, but not any more.

I would no more knowingly chose a man like him as a husband than I would a 5-year-old boy.

I am with him until a certain point next year, when it makes total financial, career and in terms of the children's education, sense to leave. I am in absolutely no mental anguish (apart from the occasional sadness that I have to tell the kids), I don't waste any of my time trying to understand him. I don't care what H does or with whom. He is someone I currently share the house, a business and parenting the kids with. We get on fine - and for the kids sake I hope that continues. If any of that changes, I'll bring the divorce forward regardless of finances/children etc. My mental health (after 2 bouts of anti-depressants and far too many counselling sessions) is paramount.

At the moment, he could not be nicer to me and is constantly trying to get me to go out with him. I just ignore him or think of an excuse. The only sex he gets is from the women he pays (or some other poor sap he's charmed - at least this time the "my wife doesn't have sex with me" line is actually true .) I am happier than I've been for years, the weight of the world is truly off my shoulders.

Ladies - by all means, if this sort of thing helps you move through with your life, then please think of terms like narcissist and co-dependency etc. But don't waste years of your life on it (like I did). Put yourself first - you're allowed to do that. If you don't want a man who treats you like dirt, that's fine. There is no need for further analysis.

YOU GO, TRIFFID! WOOHOO!

OP posts:
garlicbutter · 08/07/2012 22:31

I don't care if he's a narcissist or a Martian or Justin Bieber fan - made me laugh very loudly Grin Thanks!

My mental health ... is paramount.
Good. You've come a long way, lady. I'm delighted for you!
Keep taking care of you. A year's a long time, you're going to need your own compassion.

UnlikelyAmazonian · 08/07/2012 22:48

Wobbly, you did nothing wrong except love somebody who seemed for real. We all did. They just go on being less and less real.

They turn into ancient dribbling parodies of themselves whom nobody listens to and few people want to know. Narcs do not age well. They hate getting old - all their 'superpowers' deserting them, not able to get it up anymore, nothing substantial in their hinterland with which to reel in their next victim.

No functional family, no normal friends, no kids that they have a loving relationship with (they don't like their dcs once they're grown up because they don't give them unconditional adoration ie narcissistic supply any longer), no money because they've blown it (they're crap at money - they get it they spend it) and also they are lousy at being ill, which they will be in old age.

Am not saying I/we will grow old all nicely and happily with no grumpiness or illness. No.

But at least we live in the real world and know what to prepare for.
Narcs just resent getting old - they believe it shouldn't happen to them as they are above anything so mundane as human frailty and dribbling. Think Dorian Gray. Then it does.

Then they are stuffed.

Oh Dear.

springydaffs · 08/07/2012 22:58

well I'm sorry to say it but mine (as in my narc ex) went from strength to strength. He really did fly high and enjoyed extraordinary success in both his personal and professional life. Our kids adored him, as did everybody else. He was killed young, mind, so he didn't get to the dribbling stage.

I didn't kill him btw.

I am was the one who ended up a shell; impoverished and smashed to pieces. But it's not over yet eh.

UnlikelyAmazonian · 08/07/2012 23:17

How did he die?

Even in death he made it all about himself then: what a fine upstanding pillar he was, what a superdad, a shining example of humankind and such an intelligent bloke to boot no doubt.

Oh well. If he'd genuinely been all those things he projected about himself, you wouldn't have been left feeling like a smashed impoverished shell.

The fact is he wasn't all those things. He never was any of those things - not on a sustainable basis anyway. They don't need drugs to be energised (though they help if they can get away with taking them): they live off the false 'high' of lies, deceit and superficiality. They love weaving their web of deceit and the tension, pain or confusion it causes around them. They love laying waste to the landscape they have plopnked themselves in - and once they have truly fucked it up they move on to the next landscape/life/set of people/lovers.

My ex is also living an apparently charmed life. But I know that this is a man who wanted his Delia Smiths back above his baby son.

Hmm Grin
DoingItForMyself · 08/07/2012 23:24

"a man who wanted his Delia Smiths back above his baby son" Grin what a tool.

springydaffs · 08/07/2012 23:31

He died in a very dramatic way. which pissed be off tbf (why couldn't he have died in a ditch or something like any normal person?). He'd be getting off on the hullabaloo his death caused if he was still here.

I'm torn between whether it is better he's dead (or not here, at least - hand on heart, I wouldn't have wanted him dead but I did want him to bugger off. Perhaps the only way that was possible was for him to step out of his mortal coil) or alive.

Nah, better he's gone, even with the truly horrendous stuff that's gone down since he went. I still sigh with relief that he's gone and can never get access to me ever again.

Scarredbutnotbroken · 08/07/2012 23:45

Unlikely - id not heard of idealise, devalue, discard before but I realise now ive experienced it in several relationships, not just my marriage. I have actually described it to people before. I used to think it was because I'm a bit outspoken and maybe different in a few ways. I used to say 'they think I'm so novel and interesting and praise me, then suddenly all my assets are a problem'

UnlikelyAmazonian · 08/07/2012 23:46

I'd love to know the full story. You must have namechanged.

Well, he's dead.

That's that then.

Ode to MrSpringy:

Goodbye Mr Springy
You were such a nuisance
With all your funny ways and smells
Then you hit a tree.
C'est la vie.

Do you have children?

UnlikelyAmazonian · 08/07/2012 23:49

Idealise devalue discard

springydaffs · 09/07/2012 00:23

woh! do I relate to

'they think I'm so novel and interesting and praise me, then suddenly all my assets are a problem'

or what?! Shock

I start getting v-e-r-y uncomfortable if I meet someone who is very obviously enamoured by me - not just romantic relationships, either. There's a flip side to that thank you very much (re NO THANKS).

yy i know I'm wow but get over it

springydaffs · 09/07/2012 00:26

Yes I do have children. One of the is a narc. boom boom

Scarredbutnotbroken · 09/07/2012 00:30

springy - its daft. i would go as far as to say that now i feel like im looking for a bloke who will tolerate me - how unhealthy is that? only on my down days though.

allegedly exp liked the fact i was articulate and educated and knew my politics etc - but my god he went for those with an axe further into the relationship. i used to think it was a competitive thing he did becaue he felt threatened - probably that too but no, the IDD makes perfect sense now.

feeling a bit meh today -first sighting of exp with another woman reported to me - as if i need to know these things. i just wonder what he tells these women about me and his 1st wife i really do :-(

springydaffs · 09/07/2012 00:35

fuck him, frankly.

I know, I know, easy to say, hard to do.

UnlikelyAmazonian · 09/07/2012 00:42

He'll call you a mad bitch scarred. He'll trash you to her and be full of self-pity and drip feed her truck-loads of balderdash about your time together. She will believe him because he is so credible and feel all sorry for him. Hmm

Then they might go to see a heavyweight play or toy with buddhism together, maybe he will take up her favourite thing like snow-boarding or veganism...

then he will tire of all her 'shit' and turn on her too.

Meanwhile you can just get on with your nice relaxed life going to Asda, buying socks and lettuce, spelling some words wrong now and again and forgetting when the War of the Roses was or the what year Magna Carta was signed...without feeling like a thick plank from plank school.

Jubbly!

springydaffs · 09/07/2012 00:45

It's no wonder narcs are attracted to the likes of us like moths to a flame eh? they're dead, we're alive (and how)