And the other thing, was that he told me that the reason he really liked OW, was that she was 'warm'. That really struck me, because I was warm once. So now I shove it in his face. I invite him to find another hot [specific racial group], and when he has sucked the warmth out of her, he can find another one.
Because it is so important, I want to repost Triffid:
[Discussing narcissism] It puts you in a passive role - the one who reacts, watches, identifies behaviour etc. - but it's still all about them, isn't it? Just exactly the way they like it.
I was stuck at this stage with my H for far too many years - trying to work out why he did what he did, trying to tie together the charming, kind man he appeared to be with his selfish, hurtful actions, losing confidence in myself with every single day, but luckily for me (and I do say luckily) I found out about his using prostitutes last year (after previous affairs, counselling, promising he'd changed - please fill in script here...).
Something switched off in me. I just don't care if he's a narcissist or a Martian or Justin Bieber fan, all I care about is that I would never want to share my life with a man like that - he doesn't even come close to my absolute minimum standards. He got away with it for years by lying to me and manipulating my goodwill and desire to keep the family together, but not any more.
I would no more knowingly chose a man like him as a husband than I would a 5-year-old boy.
I am with him until a certain point next year, when it makes total financial, career and in terms of the children's education, sense to leave. I am in absolutely no mental anguish (apart from the occasional sadness that I have to tell the kids), I don't waste any of my time trying to understand him. I don't care what H does or with whom. He is someone I currently share the house, a business and parenting the kids with. We get on fine - and for the kids sake I hope that continues. If any of that changes, I'll bring the divorce forward regardless of finances/children etc. My mental health (after 2 bouts of anti-depressants and far too many counselling sessions) is paramount.
At the moment, he could not be nicer to me and is constantly trying to get me to go out with him. I just ignore him or think of an excuse. The only sex he gets is from the women he pays (or some other poor sap he's charmed - at least this time the "my wife doesn't have sex with me" line is actually true .) I am happier than I've been for years, the weight of the world is truly off my shoulders.
Ladies - by all means, if this sort of thing helps you move through with your life, then please think of terms like narcissist and co-dependency etc. But don't waste years of your life on it (like I did). Put yourself first - you're allowed to do that. If you don't want a man who treats you like dirt, that's fine. There is no need for further analysis.
YOU GO, TRIFFID! WOOHOO!