Why do so many couples have an anti social H?

[AnnaMosity]

Thinking of my circle of mates. Attractive dynamic women fun at social groups, who live with silent men who don't do parties or even chatting at kids activities.
One mare recently apologized for her h, and I thought it must be sad if you're socially mismatched.

Usual Mn disclaimers.

• yes it's not my business
• the Hs are often very nice one to one anything else that suggests I'm doing this maliciously. rolls eyes*

Mt DH has an anti-social wife. Me. I hate parties, drunk people, new places, blethering shite to people I have nothing in common with. I do social pleasantries, but that's it.

He's okay about it though.

I was until last weekwith someone similar to what you describe. It was horrible. I couldn't take him anywhere, I have loads of friends at school and so on but he was very antisocial - he would even upset people in shops, well not upset as such but get it all wrong, and embarrass me with his attitude that our 'family' was paramount and no one else mattered.

It was such a shit attitude. I have ditched him now but some men do think that way and it's just incredibly crap.

Other men are I think just shy, but very nice and supportive on the sidelines. You shouldn't have to apologise for your husband. That's an awful way to live.

Yep that is my dh and I've got the point where I hardly have any friends anymore and yes it is and lonely.

My DH just doesnt like people!

Except me.

Have also experienced this. Think there is a much lower standard socially for men than women. But also the joy of meeting a new friend (woman always as you describe) who also has a nice friendly normal husband. Hooray can then socialise with them without poor DH being stuck with a dreary bore or just doing girls only meet ups.

Fluffy my dh is the same.

He will be sociable if pushed though and is actually very good at parties, dinners etc.

If he had his way we wouldn't go anywhere though. He especially hates school stuff so I was very amused when he found himself chair of the PTA last year. I can't imagine a worse fit of someone for that role. We both breathed a sigh of relief when it was all over.

I'm being pushed later this evening. I will smile, be pleasant, chat amiably while surreptiously watching the clock turn until the earliest socially acceptable time I can come home and relax.

Hmmm. My DH is very polite and sociable at parties, but would far rather be at home relaxing. His job involves being endlessly pleasant and professional to people who are stressed and shouty, so I think he finds that socialising calls on his work skills, rather than allowing him to relax.

I wonder how you get together. Or if people change do radically overtime. Or is it just laziness?

I wonder ifyou don't like it, if that means you haven't met the right group.
I accept big crowds are hard. But drinks in a home of say 8 people. Or a meal together ?I like watching my h be fun and chatting and likable.

No it's social phobia and acute anxiety Anna

Maybe it's because the type of women you like to be friends with pair up with the type of men described.
So you have an abnormal view. Maybe all the husbands wonder why all women are disproportionately keen on socialising.

When we first got together I thought I was the unsocial one and he had a wide circle of friends and was constantly having parties etc. I was wrong! He is one of the most anti-social misery-guts I've ever met!

DP is the sociable one in my relationship!

I on the other hand find drunk people annoying and like to be in bed by 11pm at the latest.

It's good that he's more sociable though, as he drags me out to do stuff which I wouldn't if I wasn't with him.

AnnaMosity - I always wonder the same thing too, how come they manage to socialise just fine until they get themselves a live in partner - and then it becomes a problem?????

Me and DP share the anti social hat in this house. Sometimes he wears it, other times I wear it. We have learned to live with it over the years, although occasionally I piss him off with it and vice versa.

Yes, I see that one pub goer might find a clubber wearing.. But go opposites attract that someone really introvert goes for an extrovert?

Fluffy, theonewiththehair, mine is like that too. He only likes me. Aw

Op, I think it could just be that opposites attract. A bit like size too.
My dh tells everyone theres only him on our wedding pics. He's 6ft 4 and I'm 4ft 10

My DH is like this. I am quite sociable and I would love to socialise as a couple a bit and have people over for dinner occasionally - but DH hates that kind of thing.

He is actually very adept socially, very funny and quite charming. Everybody always warms to my DH. He just can't be bothered with other people! He wants the quiet life at home with family, books, laptop, music.

It has annoyed me a fair bit in the past but I have got used to it. It's a mismatch but we get on so well in every other respect that I have learned to let this one slide. The main thing is I get to go out and see my friends and get pissed when I want

...but I'm going to say it anyway.... Generally women tend to be hard wired to be better at the 'chatting' / small talk type skills, which this obviously impacts on.
When dh is with people who have similar interests to him, he is chatty, friendly, funny, etc., but when it's his turn to take the dcs to swimming and wait until the training session has finished, for example, he will sit with a book and fall asleep read. Mine went (club) swimming over a number of years, and if there was an issue with transport on one of the nights I took them, I'd have known who lived in what area, who had spaces in their car, etc., and would be quite happy to ask them if my dc could jump in with them. on a dh night, he didn't have a clue, so the dcs would have to miss swimming if we didn't get them there. You can ditto that for everything they've done over the years. It's not shyness, and he's not without friends, but he just doesn't 'see the point' in making small talk with people he doesn't know.
I, OTOH, think that 'people I don't know' are potential friends I've just not got to know yet.
He thinks - and he might not be wrong - that I'm going to end up being the mad old lady on the bus that wanders round and talkes to complete strangers. Who is to say that either his way, or my way, is right or wrong ? It's just a bit different.

But you are in a specific situation.
You are with a group of women who you have chosen as mates because they are fun. Their partners are then spending time around you because of that. They may not want to be there.
Equally there may be loads of hilarious fun loving blokes who you never meet because their partners are anti-social.

My dh is fab. When we have family over and people who are friends with both of us he is funny, interesting, gregarious etc.
When he is with my friends he tries but often he doesn't give a shit.

I do see the 'vivacious woman with dull partner' sometimes but I bet lots of men thinks his mates are great but their partners are dull as fuck.

Or maybe you are right

I wonder what happens to these hermits when they are bereaved or divorcees

If I had to drag an h out abd feel responsible for him socially when I knew he could be funny etc it would bloody wear me down