Why do so many couples have an anti social H?

[AnnaMosity]

Thinking of my circle of mates. Attractive dynamic women fun at social groups, who live with silent men who don't do parties or even chatting at kids activities.
One mare recently apologized for her h, and I thought it must be sad if you're socially mismatched.

Usual Mn disclaimers.

• yes it's not my business
• the Hs are often very nice one to one anything else that suggests I'm doing this maliciously. rolls eyes*

Extroversion/Introversion

Revenge of the Introverts

Your Introvert Partner or Friend

Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts

I see this a lot too.

Hasn't it always been a bit like that - you know, the man retreating behind a newspaper when he gets home or going down to his shed/allotment...

Some good tips here for wives www.snopes.com/language/document/goodwife.asp

Especially number 9 "Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or clubbing all night to other places of entertainment; Try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax"

"You don't get out much do you?"

You're being quite rude and (ironically) antisocial, aren't you?

Must say am with the OP. Think you are confusing "extrovert" with someone with basic social skills. You don't have to be Davina McCall/Graham Norton but surely making conversation/showing an interest in people/being able to hold your own at parties is something adults should be able to do? IME of these types of DHs its not actually shyness anyway its that they CBA. And I find that bloody rude and make sure I don't invite them to anything after that.

Ive read that this happens a lot to couples who are in their fifties.
The woman doesnt have the children around,and want to socialise,whereas the men are a bit worn out and want their slippers.
Yes,generalisations i know.
And I know people are going to now come on and say blah blah against what I have just written.

my DH is a much more gregarious person than me

I have to be nice to people all day long at work, and I get all niced out

I don't suffer fools gladly, whereas DH is the one who always gets cornered by "the nutter/drunkard/person with issues etc" at any social gathering when I gave them the icy stare from hell prior

I rely on my DH who is the nicest person like ever at family occasions. Mind you, my family are dysfunctional (long story)

with mutual friends it takes me a long time to "warm up" whereas he is at "come befriend me" stage immediately and people sense it

I am never rude though (without provocation), and if I make people uncomfortable it is unintentional

opposites do attract

My H was very introvert and would stand in a corner and only talk to people if they talked to him. I felt obliged to stay with him or else felt mean like I was abandoning him. In ten years of living here he didn't make one close friend. He was such hard work to talk to that people gave up, yet one on one with people he was comfortable with he would chat fine.

I am quite outgoing and friends started to comment that I was losing my spark in the past couple of years... I must admit that since he left me I have started to enjoy social events more as I don't have to worry about him. ...

His whole family are the same, no confidence, low self esteem, only like to mix with each other....

My dp has verbal diarrhoea on everything from politics to fashion my friends love him but I do agree many say nothing

amillionyears - blah blah, blah, love your generalisation about couples in their 50s .

As a 50 year old I find it really, really easy to make small talk - I can easily chat to anyone in more or less any situation but my DH just can't be bothered. He is exactly the sort of father who wouldn't make small talk at the swimming pool or cricket pitch. However he is the sort of father that will volunteer to be a sports coach/scout leader etc etc. I don't 'organise' our social life, hate that expression, as I can fully appreciate that he doesn't want to socialise with my friends just as I don't want to socialise with his friends.

But I do envy couples who seem to be able to make friends with other couples, where everyone gets on reasonably well ; I don't think we've ever spent a day with another family (apart from relatives, and he doesn't even like that) on more than a handful of occasions.

I'm surprised by you AF. :)

Maybe I have shoved in extrovert when maybe I could mean an introvert with learned social skills. ;)

I am much less chatty in new crowds but once I know people I am ok. Dp is just that type who loves a witter I can leave him with all my friends and he will talk happily to them. My ex was the opposite and it was hard work!

Anna, don't be surprised. I only give my gobby opinions when I am asked for them. I don't walk up to virtual strangers in the street (nor even acquaintances) and say "leave the bastard"

I am quite restrained and ladylike in RL

Real lulz.

lol at 'christ!'. I was about to type the same.

Why the hell would some C&P everything you have said on this thread.

She could have just said 'sod off Ruby Wax' and gone and made a cup of tea instead.

I'm a social butterfly when I want to be and so are most people I guess.

The one thing I don't like is having people foisted on me. Say for instance I'm due to go out with a couple of good friends and they invite others I don't know, I will then decline as for me personally it would change the evening and it would turn into "pleasantries" and me having to mind my "p"s and "q"s

She knows how to have a laugh at parties.

I am very outgoing in a large group of strangers, love mingling about in large groups, talking to new people about all sorts.

I don't like small groups - especially when there are a pair of donkeys I have to talk to all evening to be polite. But, I am two faced polite enough to make the effort.

XP was very gregarious. I would find it rather difficult to have a relationship with a shy man (mind you, after XP's shenanigans a quiet bloke who sits there looking at his shoes might be a good bet)

She knows how to have a laugh at parties.

Whilst taking the minutes

Looking back it was the only time me and ex had a good time coz we didn't have to talk to each other

I would so like to have a gregarious partner. My H has no friends except the ones he made at boarding school. That's it. I think he has 2 or 3 friends and lucky for him they live all over the world so he doesn't have to see them.

I on the other hand can talk to any one. I don't care who they are or where they come from or how old, as long as they are interesting.

but its more than that. I would love to be able to dance, have a laugh, have friends round.

If I had my time again I would NEVER, EVER get involved with an extreme introvert.

Friends from school ? That you rely on?
20 odd years later ?

I am the anti-social one. My DH is ultra gregarious. However professionally we both have to move through a crowd and play the game. He enjoys it. I am the consummate actress. We are both sought after - my idea of hell on earth, his idea of heaven!

The chalk and cheese that we are compliment each other totally.

Yup, Anna.

'That you rely on?' - what does that mean?

I mean. It's nice to have Mates from school. Bit once you're parted it's hard to rely on them