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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Will anyone admit to...?

423 replies

Just5minspeace · 19/06/2012 19:22

...having an affair that no-one found out about?

OP posts:
Abitwobblynow · 21/06/2012 11:49

Re: several references to 'ending it' and then getting back together.

Apparently that is quite important in affair dynamics, and affairs always involve 'ending it because we shouldn't be doing this'. The breakups HAVE to happen for the thing to continue.

Fantasy can't cope with too much reality (ie sustained contact)

24HourPARDyPerson · 21/06/2012 11:56

I read it thanks, Holly, I know.

But it's still selfish behaviour, can't be justified.

sternface · 21/06/2012 11:56

I don't think sex is at the root of all of the affairs spoken about here, but there is one starkly obvious commonality - extreme selfishness.

It doesn't matter whether affairs are about love, sex, fun, friendship or anything else - as long as they are kept secret from the people who think they are in a monogamous relationship, it means taking away their rights to determine the passage of their own lives. That's an extremely selfish and self-serving thing to do and there's just no getting away from that or presenting it as something different.

Tokamak · 21/06/2012 12:04

Right on the money, sternface. Female or male, the unaware party is living a lie without even knowing it.

Kittenkatzen · 21/06/2012 12:08

24hour i don't think anybody on this thread is looking for vindication - the OP asked for people to share their stories, and that's what we've done. If our stories upset you then you don't have to read the thread.

and sternface, yes an affair is an act of extreme selfishness, there are no two ways about it.

Scarletisme · 21/06/2012 12:10

bogeyface without wanting to derail this thread, I want to say thanks for your comment last night about my H not being a good dad when he is emotionally abusive. Because he does do 'dad' things with both DCs, I thought maybe he was a good dad in light of some of the comments you see on MN about dads who do F all with their DCs. But you are right, him calling me a fucking fat bitch the other morning in front of DS isnt good. (and for the record I'm a size 10 FFS). I do need to deal with my home situation.

And namechange (earlier this morning) - I totally agree that this thread is a huge help for someone to share with - no-one in RL knows about what I am doing, and sometimes talking and sharing just helps. I do genuinely appreciate that this particular thread is uncomfortable and upsetting for many people, but I am not here to gloat or be flippant. I actually just welcome the chance to share my feelings with those who may understand.

SmallCardiBigDrawers · 21/06/2012 12:15

24hour I think you'll find that the thread wasn't started in order to get applause. And most people who are posting aren't asking for applause either. And as Holly pointed out, there can be different reasons that affairs happen, not always just a 'shag'.

SmallCardiBigDrawers · 21/06/2012 12:16

Witholding sex from your spouse is also an extremely selve-serving act.

sternface · 21/06/2012 12:23

No, the thread was started by someone who wanted to know if it was possible to have an affair, hurt no-one and lose nothing.

Many people who confessed or got found out said no that wasn't possible, even if in their view the ends justified the means.

Others who haven't confessed/got caught said yes, but they are deluding themselves that people only feel pain at the point of discovery, that they are causing no damage to themselves personally and because they have yet to feel the consequences and experienced losses, are not best-placed (yet) to talk about the ramifications of their behaviour.

ebbandflow · 21/06/2012 12:26

There is no excuse for having an affair in any circumstance-shame on you.

Tokamak · 21/06/2012 12:26

Witholding sex from your spouse is also an extremely selve-serving act.

I absolutely agree. Get rid of them, then, or tell them you're going to see someone else. Don't do it behind their back.

Penalty · 21/06/2012 12:31

What Sternface said.

sternface · 21/06/2012 12:32

Yes SmallCardi it is, assuming it is a conscious decision and not one that is caused by health issues. But that bit of selfishness is at least openly declared isn't it? Leaving the sexless person free to make her own decisions and choices, preferably also openly.

I think it's a feminist issue that some women feel they are compelled to stay in sexless marriages, as though there is shame in admitting that for many women, sex is important. It would be a healthier society if women gave themselves permission to say that and act accordingly instead of enacting covert punishments and punishing themselves too by becoming deceivers and liars, something I imagine no-one would aspire to become.

Housespouse · 21/06/2012 12:34

To be truly lonely, you have to be married.

elinorbellowed · 21/06/2012 12:34

When I was at college I slept with a man that had a long-term girlfriend (who was a friend of mine). It was a nasty thing to do and I did it because I was drunk and liked the attention. I was very ashamed of myself, and couldn't look at him the next day as I felt he had persuaded me to break my personal code.Funnily enough, we all sort of stayed friends, even though I think she knew and forgave me.
The year that DP and I moved in together I was pursued by a bloke I worked with who had just ended a long term relationship. He was very handsome, very funny and we really clicked. He was my best friend in that job and helped my in lots of ways. I didn't succumb, although I really wanted to, because I loved DP and wanted it to be forever. However, DP was unemployed at the time and not doing much about it. (With hindsight, he may have been depressed) This guy was the opposite and represented something I needed. Anyway, at my leaving do I drunkenly snogged this other guy. The next morning I told DP, there was no way I could have kept it to myself. He was totally reasonable and understanding about it. I went to this bloke's wedding two years later and he has two lovely kids, as do I with DP and no regrets.

What I don't understand are the posters on this thread who say "He deserved it.". If he is such a bad person that he doesn't deserve fidelity then why do you stay with them. I would rather live in a bedsit with no-one but my children then live with a man I had such little respect for.

Tamoo · 21/06/2012 12:35

I think you can make a distinction between people having affairs who would be devastated if they were found out, and those who (consciously or subconsciously) want to be found out, because they want the issues within their marriage to be brought to a head and ultimately resolved.

I had an affair for a few months with a MM (big regret). I wasn't married. It was a very 'casual' affair in the sense that we only spent a few hours together in the week and didn't make any plans for the relationship having a future. We didn't even really have any depth to our relationship; didn't have much in common, other than a shared sense of humour and sexual compatibility, enjoying each other's company etc.

Then, out of the blue, he told his wife. We'd never discussed such a move and I was shocked. In hindsight, though, I can see why he did it. He'd started the affair with me because he was feeling neglected and ignored. At some level he expected her to notice there was a problem and react accordingly, ie pay him more attention. She didn't. Once she found out she was desperate to keep the marriage going and for them to re-engage in every way that had previously been lacking, which was of course his whole aim in the first place.

During the affair I actually posted on MN (different NN) about how I didn't see the harm if we never got found out. At the time I truly believed that applied to my situation. As far as I was concerned, I was happy with a PT relationship, liked my independence and having my own space, but also enjoyed having a brief 'adult interlude' during the week that gave me a break from the usual routine of being a single mum who doesn't get out much. Also, from MM's POV I thought it worked in the sense that he could get (from me) what he felt was missing in his own life without any threat to his family. However he didn't want to get what was missing from me, he wanted to get it (back) from his wife. This was where it got fucked up and people ended up getting seriously emotionally hurt.

I feel awful about it now and know I manifested not only a terrible lack of perspective but also a glaring lack of self-respect. MM could have resolved all his problems by a dedicated attempt to communicate with his wife and saved a lot of pain all round. I hate the fact that I participated in what was essentially just a sordid cry for attention. Some people who embark on affairs however simply don't have this aim, either they have given up on their marriage and are content to seek satisfaction elsewhere, or they see no viable option to resolve their marital problems, eg (perhaps) the poster upthread who has an asexual husband. There are just so many variables in motivations of all participants.

elastamum · 21/06/2012 12:41

Have read with interest as someone who was on the receiving end of an adulterous partner for years.

Dont fool yourselves that your partner doesnt notice or that you arent damaging your relationship, even if you think they dont know. My ex went through distant periods, where quite frankly he wasnt very nice to me, and I now know these were when he was having affairs. He would put me down, find fault in everything and broke committments to me and to his DC. And because I didnt know the real reason, I TRIED HARDER to maintain our relationship, to make everything OK at home, all whilst knowing something was up, but not knowing what.

When I found out about his last affair I was so blazingly angry that I couldnt spend another day with him. He had dismissed me as a person. I felt I was was in effect a domestic appliance that he had sex with and looked after his children whilst investing his emotional energy elsewhere. His time and our hard earned money, that could have been spent on his family went towards fun nights in hotels and trips with OW. Our friends thought we were happily married. I felt my whole life for the past 10 yrs had been one big lie.

The thing that shines though these narratives, is the lask of RESPECT for your partner. You make choices to make yourself happy whilst at the same time not even considering the impact of those choices on them.

It isnt a nice way to treat anyone, yet alone someone your profess to love Hmm

Penalty · 21/06/2012 12:50

I agree elasamum, not one poster has mentioned how devastated their DP would be if he found out. It's like it isn't even on their radar. It's all incredibly selfish, this pursuit of personal happiness above everything else. How can you have an affair then go home and look your partner/ children in the face?

PetiteRaleuse · 21/06/2012 12:53

If he is such a bad person that he doesn't deserve fidelity then why do you stay with them. I would rather live in a bedsit with no-one but my children then live with a man I had such little respect for.

Very very easy to say. I was scared of leaving my XP (thank God we didn't have children or it would have been even worse). At the time the only way I felt able to have some control of my life was by cheating. That might sound illogical, and wrong, but I know what I did was right for me at that time.

I don't feel my relationship with XP was damanged any more that it already was by my affairs.

I got out, in the end. And in the end I found DH, a wonderful loving partner on whom I would never dream of cheating.

sternface · 21/06/2012 12:59

Having spoken to many women and men in this situation, the split-self that an affair produces becomes accentuated particularly in their dealings with their children. Most parents bring their children up to tell the truth and be honest. I've heard of many catalytic moments when people having an affair find themselves remonstrating with their children for a lie told, or a breach of honesty that if known about, would have altered the parent's decision or response. That can be very painful, but also awakening to the damage being caused to oneself as well as others.

doggiemumma · 21/06/2012 13:01

Housespouse Thu 21-Jun-12 12:34:19

To be truly lonely, you have to be married

That has to be the saddest, but truest thing i have ever read on here - i question how i can feel so alone sometimes, but i have never felt so isolated and i am rarely on my own!

elastamum · 21/06/2012 13:04

I remember my ex having a go at DS1 for not telling the truth and all I could think was 'you are by far the biggest liar I know'

We have a good relationship now, but at the end of the day I still see their dad as a liar and a cheat and I always will.

doggiemumma · 21/06/2012 13:04

I'm not and never have had an affair, however I cannot say, hand on heart that I wouldn't. I love my DP but due to MY issues, he has withdrawn from me emotionally. I am praying that one day that situation changes. But if someone were to come along and offer me the affection that my DP has withdrawn, i know i woudlnt be able to resist it. That is not however me blaming DP for this, it is not his fault and yes, he deserves better.

HollyWillabooby · 21/06/2012 13:05

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doggiemumma · 21/06/2012 13:15

Holly - i would understand, if i thought i could have an affair without causing hurt, id do it, no question. If anyone would even want me Blush which they woudlnt. Do you feel more or less lonely though, because of the affair?