Is he having an affair...with his sister?

[chelschat]

I joined mumsnet about a month ago as I thought my partner was having an affair but I had no concrete proof, then last night while giving him his obligatory fathers day 'present' he used his sisters name as he was about to come. I think I'd prefer him just to be having an affair I'm so screwed up, please help.

I admit I doubted (and still do) the OPs story and didn't report. No excuse really.

But yes I wondered about why you'd join Mumsnet if you were worried about your partner's fidelity, then not post about his infidelity apart from on this thread when you completely over-react to a name he called out during sex, hide in the shower and say you want to die whilst pleading with posters to carry on contributing to the thread. Seemed odd to me.

Have you considered the fact that there might be other people with the same name as his sister?

OP I think it's fair to say that posters who say 'please keep posting' will always raise an eyebrow or two. Thanks for advice - fair enough. But just 'please please keep posting' is a bit needy maybe, or worse - trying to draw people in? It does tend to make people thing that there's something odd going on. Just something to think about next time you post.

I wonder if the sisters name is Olivia..

"I love you"

"Olivia"

sound very similar!

Ive the same feeling that all is not what it seems with this thread but have mainly come on to say that dp also got a "present" from me for Fathers Day, aibu?

Wellhello-YANBU. But whose name did he shout out?

Is 'we have no reason to believe x person is a troll' some kind of default mumsnet aporoach? Can't think of a single other website/forum where that happens.

OP, I'm flummoxed as to why you think shouting, ranting, screaming & hitting are desirable behaviours. They don't usually resolve anything. You do need to tell DP what he said, and that it upset you. Do you want to talk about how your relationship is 'shit'? What makes you think he's cheating on you?

Aside from all that, it does sound as if you might have PND and should see your doctor.

Could he have been using offputting and unsexy images in an attempt to last longer.

sister
granny's facial hair poking out of the wart on her cheek
boris johnson
andrew lloyd webber, naked
manually evacuating someone's bowels

When you day he used a family nickname do you mean like Vicky or becca or something more unusual like butterbean or kangeroochops or something? How sure does it make you that he meant his sister?

My FIL calls me by the dog's name, but I don't give him Father's Day presents

I knew a bloke once that called out "mummy!" at the point of no return. That was a strange one too

Oh AF that is so wrong! Shudder

Ewwww AF.

Ishooos I'd say.

You'll have to tell us the nickname so we can judge decide if it is a common one, or sounds like another word.

I once called XH2 by XH1's name during sex. It was because (unconsciously) it felt exactly the same as when X1 was mentally 'absent' due to his affair. Of course, X2 managed to turn this back against me.

That's got nowt to do with OP's partner naming his sister, obv. I've got to say, if there's no other reason to suppose they're sexually involved, it's a bit of a leap to assume they are from this!

My brother's wife was convinced I was sleeping with him. Because we get on well together She doesn't get on with her brother, but that's not much of an excuse for assuming incest

garlic my DBs ex thought exactly the same about my DB and me. Because my bro and i actually speak to each other. Whereas she hadnt spoken to her siblings for years and still hasnt to my knowledge. I think that says more about her than it does about me though.

Wow, carer, I wonder if your brother is one of my (now ex) SIL's previous husbands

I've got to say, when she did that, I judged the hell made up my mind about her. Technical diagnosis: insane. Although she clearly thought the same of me. She's a MH professional () and told me that 80% of long-term MH in-patients have incest in their background.

It seemed irrelevant that I am not in a psychiatric hospital.

Bloody Freud has a lot to answer for.

I'd much rather give DP an intimate 'present' for fathers day than get up early and make him a fry up, I hope im not being unreasonable!

Op are your dh and SIL step-siblings, half-siblings, or same mum and dad, shared a bath when they were little kind of thing?

OP you still haven't said why you originally thought he was having an affair. There must be more to this than you have said.

Uterus -that is an idea, give us the name so you can get a vote

That's an odd one.. my dp and brother have the same name, calling out would be weird.

Sorry, not been up to talking over the last few days. As so many people suggested we sat and talked all night, he eventually admitted to having an affair at work, not with his sister. The initial idea of working late etc, all indications of him being scum. He is now staying at a 'friends' and has given the promises of the affair being over, but I'm not sure if I can cope with him being around. He see's the kids every night and I'm coping just. The kids keep asking why daddy isn't coming home and I fob them off. A friend suggested letting him be around the house until the kids go to bed, any thoughts. I haven't slept since Sunday night.

chelschat I'm really sorry to hear that.

I suppose it depends on if you can cope with him being around that much? The thing is, if you decide you don't want to make a go of it, they'll have to get used to him not being around all the time anyway

I hope you've got supportive family and friends around you ATM. Look after yourself

Sorry if I'm not giving specific answers to individual questions but I rather stressed and I'm still learning mumsnet. With the stress of the last few weeks I've just been watching the type of stuff that gets posted, sorry for being so slow to learn. Any ideas on what to say to the kids when they ask why dad's not at home?

badtasteflump, thanks so much. I'm still not sure at the moment. It feels weird that I hate him but I have a strange sense of relief that it wasn't his sister, does that make any sense.
Not telling anybody just yet, family friends why, because I'm not sure I'll get judged If I let him back. so confused.