I feel like I've been run over

[SiioCal]

Sorry if this is incoherent and ranty !!

DH and I were at a family do last night . DSis and I left extremely early as I am 5mths pg and as there were family members there who have done some pretty awful stuff to us in the past we decided to leave (plus the do wasn't really our cup of tea anyway)

Now these family members have treated me and my family appallingly over the past few years . Due to a death in the family my mum made an effort to start to make amends with them but it hasn't really got anywhere in months as they are refusing to believe they have done anything wrong .

Anyway , it turns out DH went to one of their houses after the do . Apparently he realised he made a mistake once he had gotten there and left . But I feel like he might as well have gotten a megaphone and screamed "you were all completely right to treat my wife like shit an even tho you ignore her and my DD I will still come and party in your house I don't care really about my wides feelings"

I just can't see the wood for the trees right now I don't know how he is going to fix this and how I am going to get over it :(

Quite the opposite actually proud I think he thought because I usually don't bother about things I would just let it go . Well I'm not .

I've gone back over the whole thread because I needed to reread.

Seriously - you sound unbalanced and at the wrong person.

You were happy to leave with your sister you said so, now you are angry he didn't leave with you.

He got there, realised it was a mistake and left.

You really need to stop punishing dh for other peoples mistakes. He didn't do these thing to you - they did.

Lueji my parents were leaving early too but just not as early as us and DH was supposed to leave with them but didnt . So I'm sitting waiting expecting him in then he appear as per usual so then I am asleep by the time he gets in and also when he leaves for work the next day. I pick him up from work the next day n ask where he had went . He said he wasn't even gona tell me but had to cos he knew I would find out .

But he's condoning it by going to their house !!!!! I disnt care he disnt leave with me - I care he disnt come straight home

Didn't

Bloody hell! People here are walking on eggshells in order not to offend you, SiioCal, but I am not going to do that: you are unreasonable, and sound unhinged and frankly hysterical. And apart from that, you sound as though you are 12 years old.

Your (poor) husband went briefly to some relatives' house. Those relatives had offended you in the past (3 years ago???). He realised he would upset you by being there and he left.

I shiver to think how you will react to a real problem.

Are you really going to let these people ruin your marriage? That's exactly what will happen if you can't find the road forward. Maybe more counselling would help you

Can yOu really not see what you are doing? How unreasonable you are being? How much power you are giving these people over you?

He realised he was wrong - he left - you are projecting, seriously projecting.

And I know I am going to get flamed for this - but I have lost it irrationally while pregnant.

Also you are playing right into their hands - if they are as horrible as you say - they would love this wouldn't they.

It does feel like you have unresolved issues about him staying partying without you and that this issue only compounded that.

But, he was not there laughing at you and they probably didn't even bother that much about you either. Sorry.

You do remind me a little of my ex on this one.
In his mind people are making fun of him and it's all about him.
He had CBT for that. Have you tried it?

But talk to your husband and acknowledge that part of your anger has to do with you and your issues and not only his actions.

Add message | Report | Message poster SiioCal Sun 17-Jun-12 09:50:32
Quite the opposite actually proud I think he thought because I usually don't bother about things I would just let it go . Well I'm not .

Actually - you are beginning to sound like you are looking for something to punish DH for.

If you hate these people this much - then you shouldn't have been I. Their presence at all.

You need to grow up a little and realise you are potentially throwing your marriage away on a silly family feud.

It's not AIBU you know, not sure why people are falling over themselves to tell an upset poster to 'grow up'

Maybe because she does?? And maybe because people don't want to see her throw her marriage away and a softly softly approach isn't going to work.

The OP is upsetting herself.

Telling her to grow up won't change how she feels at all

But it was HIM that went to their house . So I have nothing to be angry with them about with regards to this . It was him that went behind my back .

And btw it has been over the past 3 years not 3 years ago .

The fact that he says he did leave does make it better if he hadve partied though the night with them then he definitely would have been gone .

No but it might help her realise her anger is misplaced. There is a baby on the way, feuding like a teenager and jeapordisin you marriage for it has to be put in the past.

OP clearly you are angry at them and taking it out on DH and if you weren't so wound up you would realise this. If you don't like these people, this much - stay away from them - because you are undermining your position.

It's clear though you don't want to listen to anyone elses opinion because this thread is full of people saying the same things.

Good luck.

It was him who went, but you are angry with him because you hate these people.

I am really shocked that you would prefer cheating to this!

And you sort of remind me of my MIL, but even she didn't forbid her husband from socialising with people she hated.

I hope you and your husband get through this.

Yes HE decided to go and HE decided to leave. Just like you mum decided to speak to them again. I still don't get why its ok for your mum to speak to them and him not. Yes she is doing it to make life easier. if he had refused to go it may started the issue of snubbing off again.
You do seem like you think dh and the posters here are out to hurt you. which is why you need some cbt or counselling. I think this is why you want to punish him. Because you think he is out to hurt you.

OP please consider that maybe some advice on here is correct or at least worth considering.
Honestly, I find you utterly intractable. You refuse to concede an inch on the 'i'm right he's wrong' measure. Be careful what you wish for. You're expecting, that puts a family unit under pressure, regardless of circs, and you are adding to this.
I don't deny your anger. Personally I don't get it, but love, you've not been specific about exaCtly what your ILs have done. OK, assume your anger is justified. At the root of it is THEM NOT YOUR DH. You sound like hard work, not aCcepting anything anybody else is saying.
Personally i'd get the hell off MN and talk to him. Don't bother being too angry to talk to him. TOTAL waste of energy. Go sort this with the father of your unborn child, seriously... You're grandstanding and avoiding an adult convo with the most important person in your life. Don't you see that?

Yes because the wedding was the last straw for me with them . I wanted the decision o whether they came or not to be theirs because if I didn't invite them I would have been left the rest of my life wondering whether if I did would have changed things .

Tbh I think I'm wasting my time here I think unless I told the full story start to finish no one can really understand it all .

But I think unless I get a heartfelt apology and a promise of him actually thinking of his family before he makes decisions then I don't know where we will go from here .

Well based on that its piss easy to see. You split.
FFS go talk to him. And be careful. You have said you usually get on well. If you're prepared to throw that away, knock yourself out... I am not sure what he can say that you'll be happy with.
Can you hold fire until tomorrow and get a midwife to talk to? Or your HV?

unless the full story involves something DH did it wont make any difference to my opinion, because you are still punishing him for someone elses behaviour.

Picking holes in her story now, Ffs, it's not a court

Who is picking holes?