I feel like I've been run over

[SiioCal]

Sorry if this is incoherent and ranty !!

DH and I were at a family do last night . DSis and I left extremely early as I am 5mths pg and as there were family members there who have done some pretty awful stuff to us in the past we decided to leave (plus the do wasn't really our cup of tea anyway)

Now these family members have treated me and my family appallingly over the past few years . Due to a death in the family my mum made an effort to start to make amends with them but it hasn't really got anywhere in months as they are refusing to believe they have done anything wrong .

Anyway , it turns out DH went to one of their houses after the do . Apparently he realised he made a mistake once he had gotten there and left . But I feel like he might as well have gotten a megaphone and screamed "you were all completely right to treat my wife like shit an even tho you ignore her and my DD I will still come and party in your house I don't care really about my wides feelings"

I just can't see the wood for the trees right now I don't know how he is going to fix this and how I am going to get over it :(

No I wouldnt because then they would have accepted my olive branch and not thrown it back in my face

From what you've said, you and your h don't have regular contact with these toxic relatives and, as presumably you won't be seeing them again anytime, so how has he 'given them more to manipulate him with'?

Your dh made an error of judgement that he's unlikely to repeat. End of.

You do realise that if you allow this lapse on your h's part to eat away at you, the poison ones will have won?

Op can you not see how you are over reacting. You are imagining him laughing at you. That didn't happen did it. He went and left.
This is why I think counselling maybe be a good idea. You are adding bits in that are making it worse in your mind. But its only in your mind. You can't punish him because you think he might have laughed at you. I really feel for you clearly, you need some support in dealing with this. But this isn't the way to deal with it.

You are being abusive. This is beyond being cross. I picked up on it before the punish comment. That's how you responded, by admitting you wanted to punish him.

You think you have the right to judge and control people's emotions, as to whether they enjoy themselves or not. You want him to try to make it up to you, but you don't know if he can.

You basically want him on his hands and knees begging, whilst you kick him some more.

You want to punish him. If he were on mn, he'd have people advising him to end the marriage.

You seem to have a lot of anger for people who don't do exactly what you want/apologise in the right way to make you happy.

I think you need some medical and therapeutic help. You've totally blown this up out of all proportion and are now imagining things that didn't happen. Seriously, you need help.

Maybe it's pg hormones, honey, but whatever it is 3 years is far too long to allow anger to fester to a point where it provokes unreasonableness and a desire to scapegoat and punish your dh for the sins of others.

With regard to the ones who have 'done you wrong', I'm not saying let bygones be bygones but for the sake of your sanity, and the welfare and wellbeing of your small family unit, I am saying get over it.

If you can't get over it, stop taking it out on others and seek counselling for yourself.

Tbh I think is have handled it better if he'd cheated then he'd only have betrayed me and not my parents DSis and DD too .

Seriously???

I can understand that your feelings I this situation are quite strong, but you have to let it go.

I don't feel like this regarding ex and he has been quite nasty.

Well he may as well have been as they say actions speak louder than words . I've already been to counselling because of it .

Maybe it would be best to go again. Things change and counselling is sometimes needed at different stages. Did you feel it helped before?

what he did is not the same as an affair. Honestly its really not. It may feel like that, which is further indications that you need some help with the perspective you currently have.

Sorry this is ott. My wedding was snubbed by some of the inlaws. I am a little aggrieved but at the end of the day it was their loss. My wedding was bloody brilliant!

If you felt that strongly you should have insisted dh left when you did. End of.

Emotions run high at memorials and I honestly think that where your dh was or wasnt, or when you left, was anyone's primary concern.

I don't understand this comment about it being sick to drink and be merry. Haven't you ever heard of a wake? In some cultures/families it's an insult to the dead not to drink and be merry. It's thought of as seeing them off properly. Even the CofE funeral service refers to "celebrating the life" not "mourning the death".

I don't imagine for one second your DH was stood in the middle of their house laughing at you, either. It's a tonne more likely that he felt the atmosphere was really awkward and ducked out again as soon as he decently could - probably after one drink - saying as little to anyone as possible. That's what he told you he did, and from what you say about him having suffered from them too, very likely to be the truth.

And this is your family not his so he probably does see things a bit different from you.
He may well have believed that since your mother was trying to make ammends and move on that his going to their house was also a way holding out an olive branch.
You clearly are very angry with him but admit yourself that you don't know what he can do to make ammends. If you don't know - how on earth is he supposed to know?
Take a deep breath and let it go. Your life is passing you by while you're hanging on to all this angst.

The bottom line is you've not been run over and you're not in intensive care or lying injured on a hospital bed/trolley.

Think about the suffering endured by countless others on any one day and thank your lucky stars you've only got this crap trivia to worry about.

I feel really sorry for your husband. For the sake of your relationship make peace with him. I know if my dh were acting towards me the way you are to yours I wouldn't take it for long, I'd be walking.

He sounds like a nice man, staying with your parents, leaving the housewhen he realised he shouldn't really be there, being honest with you. Instead of dwelling on this tiny hiccup look forward to your new baby with your lovely husband.

What happened to 'if you haven't got anything nice to say don't say anything' izzyizin?

Feels almost time to step away from MN when all I want to do is tell people to stop acting like bitches to others.

Just because you don't see someone's issue as important doesn't mean you should give them a guilt trip about people dying ffs

I don't consider I've said anything particulary nasty, Fanjo, and I resisted the sore temptation to mention road traffic fatalities.

The casualties I've referred to survive after they've been run over. I can only hope the OP opts to get on with her happy life with her dh when she realises that, in the grand scheme of things, worse things can and sadly do happen.

It occurs to me that, somewhat ironically, the OP's storm in a teacup angst came about after she'd attended a tribute/memorial for a relative.

The deaths of my nearest and dearest have served to make me reflect on the brevity of life and the necessity of living it well and to the full.

I hope the OP will feel differently about her dh after a good night's sleep.

Why mention fatalities at all, it just equates to 'get a grip'. All the OP meant by her title was she was very upset. Do I need to explain that really?

We have all lost people, doesn't mean we can't get pissed off with our partners.

I didn't mention fatalities until you chose to criticise my response, Fanjo.

Sounds as if you'd benefit from a good night's sleep too. I'm off to climb the wooden stairs... night night and sweet dreams to you.

Anyway I see you gave some decent advice earlier so there is hope

Why does it mean I need a sleep if I stick up for someone though?