But, OP, he DID know that it was abuse - he told you very matter-of-factly beforehand that he was going to do it, whether you liked it or not. That's not normal. That's abuse. That is rape. It's so obviously rape that MNHQ politely entered this conversation to gently point you towards understanding how and why it is rape.
A normal man with no abusive desires or tendencies couldn't even achieve a an erection in the circumstances you have described, much less go through with the entire assault. A non-abusive man would not display all the other characteristics you describe, ie being sexually pushy, being controlling, you walking on eggshells around his moods and temper, etc.
But the most telling thing that shows he KNOWS it is abuse is his reaction to you telling him how it made you feel. He didn't care, basically. If he was a decent man who'd made a terrible error of judgement in the throes of passion, etc., etc., he would be beside himself with remorse, self-loathing, desperate to make amends and so on. But your Dh told you what he was going to do, did it then treated you like you were a boring, deluded nag for trying to discuss it. He needs to make you feel bad and inferior for him to feel good and superior. This need will be manifesting itself in myriad other ways in your life together and will be polluting your DC too, please don't kid yourself about that.
You can chat on here for forever and a day trying to not make it rape and him not abusive but it won't happen because he is what you don't want him to be. So now you ask yourself, am I worth so little that I stay to be raped and treated like shit and do I allow my kids to be messed up too?