Will the nighmare ever end?? :/

[Butterflygp]

My husband walked out on me 8 weeks ago it was a huge blow as i really loved him and always put lots of effort into the marrige. We have two children age 3 and 17 months, we have moved from the uk and have been here in austalia for nearly 4 years. We have been together for 5 years i was 18 when i met him, im now 23 and his 28, his reason? Just doesnt love me anymore wants to be free single, he doesnt fancy me. Now i have just found out he is seeing someone else, shes 20 fun and free he thinks that he hasnt done anything wrong, that i just need to move on and only talk to him about the children, I am heart broken and im finding it so hard copping with the loss. I have always taken care of my self and havent let my self go he just says things like he doesnt like my strech marks and im irretating. How can this man who was my best friend just well complety fuck me over?? He wants a relationship with the kids which is good im just so angry that it was that easy for him to walk away from us all. He did a few things in our marrige, put him self on a dating site there were naked pictures of him self on there i forgave him i feel like a fool, his taking his new gf on dates and stuff, and im left holding 2 young kids picking up the mess. But he blames me for how i am how does he not for guity/?? please help me!

I am so sorry for what you're going through. No real help, but do you have friends nearby? Do your family know what has happened. You really need family and friends at a time like this, especially with small children. It must be so painful that you are the one left to pick up the pieces. You can't do all this on your own.

I have my mum her in ozz and a small circle of friends they have all been wounderful but at the moment i just feel like nothing helps, maybe im still in shock? I have seen my doctor and im having some therepy but i just cant understand? i really miss DH even though i know he wants nothing to do with me.I just dont know where i went so wrong? :(

Oh my god what a bastard!

Where do you live? I live in Melbourne

You know it's not you, it's him. He doesn't sound like he's grown up at all. I suppose it's easy for him to 'move on' as you and the children are still there. I would go home.

The utter twat.

Oh good I'm so pleased that your mum is here.

He doesn't feel guilty because selfish, impulsive, childish people never do. The world according to him revolves about #1. What he wants, he gets. What he doesn't want, he ditches. He was your best friend when it suited but now it doesn't suit. People like this have no care whatsoever for the desolation they leave behind because, in their world, they are the only person that matters. 'Take me as I am' they say.... 'I'm a free spirit'... 'love me, love my faults'. It's all bollocks

It is no reflection whatsoever on you and I suspect all you've done 'wrong' is to grow up, have opinions and acquire the sense of responsibility that comes with being a parent. Men like your husband fear growing up more than anything on earth so, as soon as someone gets wise to their tricks or wants to restrict their laddish lifestyle, they trade them in for a younger, less challenging model with whom they can still pretend to be a teenager. They often end up as sad bastards with pony-tails and sports cars.

The relationship he wants with your kids is that of 'uncle' ... dropping by every so often and playing a few games rather than the daily grind of child-rearing. Are you getting legal advice?

I'm so so sorry. I understand, I really do. My H has also just left me, for someone 9 years younger. His only relationship with her is based on exciting times in hotels when away on business trips. She is shiny, and perfect,and always calm. They never have cross words, and are perfect together. I too am made to feel like it is my fault for not being what he wanted.

It is like a bereavement. I have days when I cope, and days like today when I just cry and cry and cry and can't focus on even the most basic task. People tell me to be strong, that the pain will eventually pass, so that is what I shall tell you. It will. Both you and I will eventually move on and things will improve. Now it doesn't feel like that, so look after yourself. You did nothing wrong, he did something unforgivable. Remember that.

In Perth, I have been home for 6 weeks i had to come back because i have to go to court to ask for relocation for the kids, Im so home sick i want him to have a relationship with the kids but why should i have to stay around for him?? he blames me he has bullied me into feeling so weak and now i have to sit back and watch him falt some girl about! We only rent but i moved out when i came back how could i take the kids back there when i know his had her in our bed! he even has the car as its in his name im seeing a lawyer next week but i just feel as if his won and i the looser that got dumped.

I know you won't believe this now, but some day in the future you will realise that you are actually the winner to have got rid of this useless excuse for a man. You and your children will survive,and I have no doubt that you will meet someone better in time. I know you are hurting badly now,but you are still young and at least you have not wasted too much time on this selfish asshole. You will survive,and thrive,I promise you!

I am sorry for you to hidingbeneathenamechange, I to have had a day where all i did was cry, i know what you mean by exciting times these other women dont have the day to day duties that we do, she to is skinny calm and fun but surly the fun times never last, i wounder why a young girl would even want to see a married man with kids? but i suppose to her his the cool 28 year old with a nice car. I hope that your pain eases as i know how that pain feels we both deserve a decent man who loves excatly what his got, Im sure you will be a gem to someone else, :)

Thank you glastocat, I just dont understand why i miss him? I wrote to this OW and he lost it with me saying that it had nothing to do with me? she is slagging my DH after all surly i have every right? The thing that hurts most of all is that he used to project me and now his rooting for someone else, i only had his baby 17 months ago....

She'll probably get sick of him or realize what a twat he is.

Hopefully when you have been to see the lawyer things will be clearer with regard to finances and going back home if that's what you want to do.

ha i love the sad bastards with pony tails and sports cars that made me smile :) as for the getting older he did use wringle cream?? i just hope karma gets him and sends me a man worth loving.??

You miss him because he was someone else. You miss what he was and how he was with you and he's not being the same person now.

He's not here on your visa is he? You could get him deported

Ture i miss the person he was.... em well we got married here and he came on my as a spouse visa, so yea maybe at least he will have to change his visa as we aint in the relationship anymore?

I just cant get it out of my head him being in the house where we lived as a family and sleeping with her in our bed, some of my cloths are still warm in the wardrob would alarm bells not be ringing in this girls head??

Sorry for what you are going through, Butterfly

If I were you I would give immigration a ring and let them know what he has done but then I am a vindictive bitch.

" i want him to have a relationship with the kids but why should i have to stay around for him??"

Your children are small enough that they won't miss their father that much if you relocated now. You don't have to do anything you don't want to now. You don't have to be the nanny & housekeeper, waiting close by in case His Lordship deigns to visit his children. He's made his choices and you can make yours. All bets are off. If you miss him it's because it's all very recent. He's had (by the sound of it) years to get accustomed to the idea of moving on and it's at his volition, whereas you've had eight weeks and, so far, everything has been imposed.

I knew he used anti-wrinkle cream somehow. He is what they call a 'kidult' - terrified of growing up, finding family life too much like hard work and thinking that behaving irresponsibly will keep him young. Sadly, there's no such thing as Karma and he's just as likely to live a long and happy life as he is to go under a bus tomorrow. So give yourself some time to grieve what's gone but then get on with making your own life.

"would alarm bells not be ringing in this girls head??"

It is not the girlfriend's fault. She is presumably not tied to anyone? If your husband presents himself as the injured party of the 'my wife doesn't understand me'... 'we live together but we're married in name only'.... variety, some bit of a kid can't be blamed too much for believing him.

I know i have to let go i just wish he felt some on my pain. I know he would of deffently played the injured party in this to her, thats why when i wrote to this girl telling her exaclty what had gone on he got so mad! :/ I asked her not to go into the house as all mine and the kids stuff was there, she did anyway and they took pictures putting them on facebook. How could i ever be so supid to fall for such a nasty peice of work :(

You're not stupid. He's obviously persuasive and likeable and that's what attracted you when you were 18. A 23 year-old man and an 18 year-old woman are mentally on the same page. Five years on, after having two children, moving continent & taking on all the normal responsibilities that go with adult life, you've embraced it whereas, in his head, he's still in an 18 year-old mentality ... footloose and fancy free.

How are you today Butterfly?

He is a twat.

As a dad myself I know that my kids are everything to me and would never do a thing to risk anything where they are concerned. My relationship with my DW isnt perfect but we talk constantly and are working hard on it so that we can give our dc the best possible life and hopefully a good life for us too.

A Dp worth having would not walk out on his family for a younger woman, so you are much better off without this waste of space. It may not seem like it right now but time will prove you to be a strong woman who deserves so much better.

Good luck.

I totally agree. You dh was a total waste of space, and you have said there were concerns previously about him 'internet dating'. It's his loss, and when he finally grows the fuck up, he'll realise what he's lost.
What a complete loser to say he doesn't fancy you as you have stretch marks, cos of the pg's. They're called mummy marks, and are the mark of a woman. He has no marks as he's acting like a pathetic child.
I'm in Perth too. Where abouts are you?

What a wanker! OP as someone said upthread, one day you will be glad he did this and realise what a favour he has done you. Now you know he's a complete tool you can start to get over him.

It hurts right now I know, it's a huge amount to take in, but you will feel better soon. You can move on and find a decent man one day, they are out there.

Just take one day at a time, take care of yourself and your babies.

So sorry this is happening butterfly I'm another one who thinks you should call immigration, if only to make the stupid twat wake up to the fact that his actions have consequences.