Will the nighmare ever end?? :/

[Butterflygp]

My husband walked out on me 8 weeks ago it was a huge blow as i really loved him and always put lots of effort into the marrige. We have two children age 3 and 17 months, we have moved from the uk and have been here in austalia for nearly 4 years. We have been together for 5 years i was 18 when i met him, im now 23 and his 28, his reason? Just doesnt love me anymore wants to be free single, he doesnt fancy me. Now i have just found out he is seeing someone else, shes 20 fun and free he thinks that he hasnt done anything wrong, that i just need to move on and only talk to him about the children, I am heart broken and im finding it so hard copping with the loss. I have always taken care of my self and havent let my self go he just says things like he doesnt like my strech marks and im irretating. How can this man who was my best friend just well complety fuck me over?? He wants a relationship with the kids which is good im just so angry that it was that easy for him to walk away from us all. He did a few things in our marrige, put him self on a dating site there were naked pictures of him self on there i forgave him i feel like a fool, his taking his new gf on dates and stuff, and im left holding 2 young kids picking up the mess. But he blames me for how i am how does he not for guity/?? please help me!

Dear O.P. He is a selfish idiot. And no, Karma doesn't exist, but I guarantee you that one day he'll be forced to grow up, and he'll look back and wish he'd made better choices but it'll be too late to go back then.

You have to move on with your own life. As has been said, you don't have to involve him in any further life equations you make. You've got the kids, and you've got the better deal. Think about moving possibly, think about all the things you've wanted to do in life but couldn't when you were together.

You will become the better person. You will gain new strengths, wisdom and courage from this situation. It will hurt like fuck for a while, maybe a long time, but gradually you'll stop wishing he was back, and then one day you'll realise how much of a better a person you've become. And when you become a better person, your capacity to have a happier life and find deeper, real love increases.

Lots of hugs.

sorry you are going through this, my husband did the same to me and left around 8 weeks ago, doesnt love me any more, Im not what he wants any more. It is difficult and I sat around crying all the time going over and over everything wondering what went wrong.

Sadly if somebody else is involved, then you have to try and accept that YOU did nothing wrong. The only way that they can leave, especially if children are involved, is to put all the blame onto you, so that they have a valid excuse to leave. I sat around beating myself up for being such a horrible person to live with (as my H told me), but I have had to tell myself that its simply not true and that nothing I could have done would have fixed it. I resolved so many of his "issues", only for him to throw more and more at me. In reality he had formed an Emotional Attachment to his best friends wife and was texting her 100 times a day and sending her flirty emails.....

I am now having counselling and taking anti depressants and finally feeling much better. I still have my dark moments, but on the whole I am doing OK. It does take time, but you do need to stop blaming yourself and start blaming him. You haven't changed, he has. I was heartbroken too and would have done anything to get my H back, I was thinking he was having some kind of breakdown, anything to excuse his out of character behaviour. But in reality, a real man would not just walk out on his daughter (4yo). A real man would talk about problems and go for counselling, not just walk out.

Look after yourself and look after your children and do what is right for you. If you have to move, he will have to make the effort to visit his children. There is always Skype as they grow older.

I have had a much better day today, going on here has really helped beats sitting in fount on the tv all night wondering what his up to?/ I have been canceling things ie house stuff, feel like im almost ending 1 life to start a new one. I just wish i could understand, how his feelings just went and mine well stayed? everytime the phone goes i wonder if its him what his doing and or course if his with the OW :( He has been telling everyone how he loves his children and that its me his left not them? that because of me suffering from depression he couldnt handle it... he doesnt believe in depression and now im thinking maybe i was so low because of how he treated me! but why dont i just think fuck you!

Immagration said his ok that his past the time when it would count.Bastard he seems to have got away with it all. Tell me why he feels the need to show her off how does he think his behavour is ok? Im sorry others of you are going through the same thing, I dont know if you to feel the same way but i hate handing over my babies i miss them so much when there gone and feel like there the only thing thats keeps me strong. How do i deffently know the OW is not going to be there when my children are? this would kill me i just want to protect them do i have any rights from this??

You will think that eventually, I am starting to...

And like you I wonder how his feelings could go without me noticing. The fact that we wre still sleeping together hurts me a lot, as if he didn't love me, how could he make love to me as it made me think that everything was ok.

I wish that my feelings could disappear overnight but they won't, but they will go in time. You need to start to get angry with what he is doing to you as that anger will override everything else at some point.

You needed support from your husband over the depression, he is just using that as another excuse I'm afraid.

Stay strong.

Good plan to do the practical house stuff and the paperwork. I'm glad you have had a better day. I was thinking about you this morning as I was so on your behalf last night reading your story.

When are you seeing the lawyer?

Can you insist that he sees the dc at your house or better, meet him in the park or something? I realize this means thst you have to spend time with the twat but at least you keep some sort of control.

I am amazed he is not going to lose his visa! That's ridiculous!

I wouldn't consider him when deciding what to do. You live where you want to live. He hasn't considered you when making major decisions.

The paper work kept my mind of stuff, and him having to make his own accounts for things lets him know im out! so far it has been him making all the changes so i want to start making changes my self. I told our letting agent he had changed the locks she was piss and said they may ask him to leave the property. My appoinment with the lawyer is tuesday im scared that even they wont be able to flight this bully off. Not having a car sucks! while his riding around with her in some flash one me and his kids are taking the fucking bus ahrrrrrrrr ;( skyblueshapphire the love making im sure he enjoyed i think these kind of men just dont know what they have until its gone :( mine on the other hand never wanted to make love as i was too avaible!

Why are you handing over your babies? You don't have to do that.

He just makes me feel guity, crying down the phone that he missies them but didnt love me, telling everyone im a bitch that wont let him see his kids, all he says is i left you not them! I know its bullshit as before he left he was rarly there and i did everything now his trying to be number 1 dad! If he really cared would he already be seeing this 0W and only wanting them for 1 night per week??

As it's all very raw, very painful and as your children are very, very young I think you're perfectly entitled to tell him not to get in contact except through your solicitor and wait until a formal access agreement has been made. You should not feel pressured to conform to his wishes when he's behaving so irresponsibly. You should not be emotionally blackmailed over the phone. You need time to calm down, regroup and decide what to do next without dickhead sticking his oar in.

Did you say you had been to see a solicitor?

youre right i think he has bossed me around for so long it been strange making my own 100% choices (god that sounds sad!) Im seeing the lawyer next tuesday, Iv also booked medeation you cant reason with this man i tried to stand my ground and he just does somthing horrible to me to push me right back down there :( Even his family have shut me out i have never got on with his sister but i hate the fact she wont talk to me but she wants to see the kids and play auntie shouldnt i be getting some kind of respect? i didnt leave! When we were away i asked my mother to go into the house and take some of mine and the childrens belongings he went nuts and him and his family said that this was such a evil thing of me to do. I dont understand he still hasnt given me the cot for the baby so if i hadnt what would i have got??

Am i just blaming my self again that maybe if i hadnt done this he would of came back... this is what he said that he new he had made the right choice when i took my things and drew out money that i was a horrible woman and how the hell did he feel when all the kids things had gone.

Sorry but didnt you just leave us.. what did he expect???

The last couple of days have been hell!! I feel like im in a bubble everyone telling you be strong and all you want to do is crawl under the covers. I spoke to my DH for 2 hours, I just cried i dont have any self respect left when it comes to him, Im broken i ask and he told me about this OW he said shes really nice, we really get on, shes stunning! thanks if i didnt before i feel like utter shit now. I know that this OW is sleeping over at the house, even though we only rented i feel like this is a huge slap in the face to me. DH doesnt understand he says were over! im just moving on i didnt mean to meet her. Im a mess i dont even see how this can get much worse, a little girl is running around in our family car sleeping in my bed, and all everyone says is just try and forget :??

Please help, I have just hit rock bottom, :((

((((((OP))))))

I have no practical experience or advice to offer, only hugs and a virtual shoulder to cry on.

This too shall pass. The tears will eventually wash your battered soul clean so it may fly again.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you :(

I'm a bit confused about things though - have you moved you and the kids out but left your belongings behind in the rented place? and has he moved the OW in?

You have to hit rock bottom before you can start reaching for the top again.

You need to remember this moment when this dickhead husband of yours is trying to worm his way back in at some point in the future when he gets bored with little miss perfect. I assume she is equally capable of getting stretch marks?

I would move back to the uk if you are homesick. Fuck him. He deserves nothing in this situation and I am usually an advocate for treating fathers fairly. He doesn't deserve it.

Oh love how awful. Are your family there too or in UK? Of course you need the kids' stuff inc cot! Sorry you're feeling so low.

You sound lovely OP, he sounds like a wanker. I believe in Karma, he'll get his x

This man is a complete and utter cunt and nothing more.

Im so sorry for you

Get as far away from this as fast as possible. He is an emotional vampire and is draining the life from you. Leave him to his floozy and make a new life for you and the kids without him in it. If he has done this to you, he could hurt the DCs too. Don't give him the opportunity. He's only 28 he will probably have a new family at some point. Then your DCs will be rejected and forgotten. Don't set them up for this.

Be kind to yourself. Grief - because that's what you're experiencing - is not a straight line process. Some days you'll feel strong. Others you'll want to stay in bed and never get out. It's all still a big shock at the moment and you won't be able to think straight, won't be able to stop thinking about everything for more than 10 seconds. So many questions you can't answer or don't want to answer - it's torture. As time goes by you'll have more good days than bad days, but it's a case of getting through each day best you can until enough time has gone by.

'Try and forget it' is very bad advice because how can you? But try to keep yourself busy and your mind occupied. Above all, don't communicate with him and keep him well away. If you can treat him as if he's dead, it's slightly easier to run with.

Should you not still be in the house with all your stuff if he's left you? Not sure of the legalities but I thought that was usually the way things were!

OP I'm devastated for you.

What a cunt - an utter, utter cunt.

This is about him being breathtakingly selfish, entitled and cruel - not about you and what you did or didn't do. Anyone who leaves a wife and two tiny kids then goes on about how 'stunning' his new gf is truly a piece of shit.

No one is saying 'just move on and forget' - people are telling you this will feel better. It truly will, even though you can't imagine it now. People are also telling you to surround yourself with RL support and to seek legal advice and know your rights.

And above all try very hard and very quickly to understand you cannot change his mind, you cannot change who is or appeal to him to accept the pain you are in. He doesn't care. He is probably trying to impress his new child lover with what a wonderful human being he is, a devoted father, hence the crocodile tears down the phone.

Thanks everyone it truly helps me so mum. We were living in the house then me and my DC went to england for 6 weeks to get away and be with all of our famiy which are in the uk. While i was in the uk i found pictures of the OW in our house, after that i couldnt go back so he stayed. I have a few of money personal belongings and some of the kids things, but i havent taken any funeture yet im seeing a lawyer tuesday she will hopfully get us our share. He also has the car and a work van. While i was in england i took some savings from our bank account this he claims is my share! i cant sleep,cant eat. The OW is not living there full time but she does stay over, in the same bed i used to sleep in what the fuck?? what is the man trying to do to me how does he think its ok normal? i want to go back to the uk but i have to fight this bastard in court, what if they wont let me go home? ill never be able to hang around a watch this shit.It will kill me.

I hope you can all understand that i have just read it back and know that some of it doesnt make sense!