The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Starting the Summer Filled With Luscious Mocktails.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse and I used to drink far too much. Too much vodka to be exact, then too much wine, then too much cider....... you can imagine how it went.

This Bus is full of people like me, and people like you actually. Sober people, drinkers, a few not surers, and those who are simply 'somewhere'.

The one thing that we have in common is that we can/do/did/will abuse alcohol.

Some for a number of years, some months, some for their entire adult (and before) lives.

The support here is for everyone. Those in AA, those who are taking medication to help, those going it alone, those with the support of others. We're all here for the same reason.

Why not come and say hello? We are all so very different in our every day lives but we all have a common theme.....

And, for those who want to see where all of this began 2 years ago, HERE IS a link to all of the past Bus rides.

Thanks venus and faire

I do feel really good, mainly. None of the morning anxiety that comes with having downed a bottle+ of wine the night before, which is the biggest plus for me. I actually think my lft result was a blessing as without it I would still be drinking too much, it took that to boot me into proper action.

Still waiting for the dewy skin and shiny eyes I think I look 10 years older to be honest, but maybe that's because I'm actually able to see my face clearly for the first time in a long time!

Wishing all you Brave Babes all the best and cheering you all on x

just back from the GPs - I had a blood test about 6 months ago because I was exhausted all the time - all results came back normal (even B12 which I had deficiency risk because of bowel condition...)

Anyway went back today, still feeling awful aches and pains and general tiredness. Another blood test on Wednesday - said he'd check Vitamin D and also liver & kidney. Is that what is meant by LFT?

Am glad that the doc took me seriously, even though I have 'hypochondriac' written all over my notes but frustrated that FOUR WEEKS after giving up alcohol I feel worse (physical - actually I do feel better mentally)

losing touch with all and sundry on this here bus - RL just gets in the way
anyone heard from indie or silver or thurso

Ah Joey don't know why you're feeling so under-par but good that your GP is ruling everything out. Are you going on holiday this summer? Maybe you need a change of scenery.

Mia the way you and DP started your relationship sounds ideal and obviously you felt secure from the start even though you're a bit of an obsessive like me! He must have given off a vibe which I'm not getting from STM so I've deleted his number so I'm not tempted to get in touch with him and if he wants to see me enough he'll arrange something rather than just sending me airy-fairy texts. Thanks as ever Venus for your sound advice, it's always been hard for me to step back and it makes me feel really anxious but I can do this! Enjoy DP's birthday Mia and don't beat yourself up too much about drinking.

Curious "None of the morning anxiety that comes with having downed a bottle+ of wine the night before, which is the biggest plus for me". Me too, not to have had a single hangover in almost 2 months is a miracle!

Daisy glad you can see your result as a blessing in disguise and slightly elevated isn't too big a worry.

Oh and thanks all for dog advice, no peeing today, very obedient but snapped at every dog he came across (doesn't usually). Maybe dogs are like people and have good days and bad days!

curious I agree - when I'd downed a bottle and a half of wine, I looked so gorgeous that I could have snogged my own reflection . Seriously - I thought my eyes looked big and beautiful (pissed - dilated pupils), I thought my hair looked wild and fabulous (a total mess), and I thought my complexion was pink and rosy (alcoholic flush). Either I was deluded or the camera lies

joey glad to have been to docs, it doesn't sound right that you are so tired.

soma you have to remember that my 'relationship advice' comes from a place of longstanding stable relationship, and maybe if I were anywhere near the dating scene I'd be wild and crazy and out of control. Tbh, delete any doubt about that, I WOULD be wild and crazy and out of control x

not sure why GP said they'd check vitamin D - have different symptoms - perhaps just because we have had no sunshine for 3 months

soma think you've done the right thing by deleting his number. I have no good advice, I come from a place where becoming obsessed with someone and then stalking them seemed like a good idea to me.

Hi everyone hope you're having a good weekend. I'm good relationship stuff still crap but not drinking so that's good. Have been reading a lot about relationships where on partner is an alcoholic and when I showed DH the codepenancy stuff a lot of it really struck a cord with him. Does anyone have experience of a co-dependent relationship. Is there a way to fix it?

Morning all, just wanted to get the thread back to somewhere near the top of the first page or we have a danger of slipping down onto page 2! Hope all the insomniacs managed to sleep a bit better - I only woke once at 5am and managed a couple more hours so hopefully won't start feeling like a zombie at lunchtime.

Am meeting a friend in a dog-friendly pub with Alfie this evening for a non-alcoholic (on my part at least, she likes her wine) catch-up. In the past I would have been wondering how on earth I could enjoy the evening without booze, now I'm really looking forward to seeing her and know we'll have fun. I really feel I'm beginning to get it - I don't need alcohol to enjoy life. To the contrary actually, alcohol has in some way dampened me down and now the real me is emerging. I'm actually quite outgoing and have discovered I have the ability to make people laugh!

Ma, asks tentatively, is this the beginning of day 2?

SexToyMan actually called me last night to say goodbye before he goes on holiday so that's nice isn't it? We had a nice warm chat and he asked if he could see me again when he gets back. He also told me he didn't think he'd find "another SobaSoma online" so that's nice isn't it? And at least now I have a week's breathing space because I'll just assume there's no mobile signal where he's going (climbing in Italy) and can work on how to handle my anxiety. I've had some great tips already and will try and put them into practice.

Have a great day and for anyone who won't be back here till next week, a great weekend xx

morning soma you sound so clear-minded these days . It is good to find out that we actually like ourselves sober (well. maybe not all the time). I started drinking when I was a shy teenager and I think in some ways I told myself I was still that person - even though it's patently obvious that I'm not. And it's been nice to find that my sense of self has grown up a bit too.

Just off to my dance class. Now, that's something I could never have done whilst drinking, always too hungover on a saturday morning .

Has anyone heard from Mouse [worried]

hey soma - nope. Suppose it will be Day 1 again if I cba.
Oh, look, it's raining again. That makes a nice change.

Off to my first AA meeting at 11, I'm not sure it's the right approach for me but I'm going into it with an open mind. Will report back later

Day 2 for me.

I hope to find the real me on this sober journey too. I feel like I've spent the best part of 20 years using alcohol as a crutch.

Feeling good this morning. Despite this awful weather. Not sure what we can do to keep the kids occupied today!!

"I started drinking when I was a shy teenager and I think in some ways I told myself I was still that person - even though it's patently obvious that I'm not"
Venus exactly, moi aussi.

And Daisy, it's good to realise that we use alcohol as a way to prop ourselves up isn't it? Love the dry wit Ma and enjoy your dance class Brrpoud.

Just been to the vet (anxious new mother syndrome) and it was pandemonium - with a hangover it would have been HELL. So glad I'm not drinking, I've slowly found that there are nothing but benefits x

BOING!!! morning babes!

did anyone watch the profile of ozzy osbourne and his alcoholism last night?? it was really interesting for me and dh as so much of what was said mirrored our own family and experiences with my drinking (obviously im not a rock goddess but... ) the things the kids were saying, the honesty of ozzy, the way he views soberity, the way sharon coped with mad, hysterical, awful behaviour, the way she 'felt' that the binge was about to go epic (dh says he only had to look at me and my eyes to see i was about to 'leave' the sane world) tbh, for me, it was like an aa meeting, the main share just happened to be famous - looking at the stills and more horribly, the moving images of ozzy at his worst was very uncomfortable viewing for me, i saw so many of my own drunken behaviour in them, made me feel a bit sick really!

Jesus, wish I had seen that! I wonder if it will be repeated? What channel was it on?

I'm working my way through the posts but need some advice which I know you will have for me.

I have always drunk too much. It is almost part of my personality now and people expect it. The thing is I don't pass out or do things I regret. I go to the gym and am pretty fit and I also look good for my age (42). Since divorcing a year ago I have been drinking even more but I had a medical for a new job and they said I was extremely healthy.

I can easily drink 2 bottles of wine to myself. And I drink every day. I have put on weight though. I have always cared about my health but now I just can't see the point because drinking does not have massive negative consequences for me. But I know I have a problem. And I love my little daughter dearly and want to be there for her.

I'm not depressed but life seems so mundane and my daughter doesn't need me so much anymore as she's a teenager. Oh dear I don't know what I need...maybe someone will understand where I am. Thanks for listening anyway.

Soma I like the sound of this man, sex toy or not!

Jesus - what channel was the Ozzy thing on? I'd like to see that prog.

Cantchange Your daughter will always need you!

Drinking two bottles a day is a lot of alcohol. Why do you think it is part of your personality? If people expect you to drink heavily, then I would ask yourself some serious questions as to why they do and why this seems to prevent you from taking action.

The fact that you have come on here asking for advice shows that, on some level, you do want to change.

You say your life is mundane - I'm guessing that drink takes you out of yourself? As for being healthy - well, liver damage doesn't show up in tests until it is in advanced stages and, by that time, you are in trouble.

Please don't think I am preaching - I am in exactly the same position as you. I can easily down a bottle of white wine in the evening. When I first joined this thread, I did really well and managed to give up for a week or so. However, that was two months ago and I am now back drinking every night.

If I sound blunt, then that is because that is what has worked for me in the past - people on here telling me how it is. Offering people sympathy and reassurance about their drinking won't work, I have found.

There are loads of people on here who have managed to stop or cut down on booze. Others, like me, are still struggling but I know I can do this.

My aim is to give up drinking during the week. I am buying some nice soft drinks today and my Day One is this coming Monday. I know I will drink tonight and tomorrow, but I won't drink on Monday.

You need to formulate a plan - find something else to distract you at that 'trigger' time that you need a drink. It isn't easy. The truth is nothing else that is healthy and safe will, in the beginning anyway, give you that warm, comforting buzz that booze gives you. But at least your conscience will be clear.

Thank you for responding greyhound. And thank you for being honest...I need someone to give me straight up advice, no crap!

This whole thread is making me so sad though. My life seems so empty that taking away my booze will take away one of the few things I enjoy. Oh dear..I'm very poor me...sorry. I'm very mixed up and don't really know what I want so I apologise. I don't see a future for me and I think that's what makes giving in so easy. I will be reading all the posts though and I hope I can get some inspiration. Sadly, drinking does make me more interesting and lively. If I don't drink friends ask me if I'm alright because I'm so quiet.

I feel somewhat the same, Cantchange. My life is pretty dull, if I'm honest. I have a young son who is at school and I work as a dog walker during the day. Weekends are pretty boring, not helped by the fact that I don't drive and live in a fairly remote town.

Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with enjoying a few drinks when you are out. However, if you are dependent on alcohol in order to have a good time, then that is a different matter.

I get the impression that you feel your friends somehow want/expect you to drink and that you feel they think you shy/quiet/less bubbly when you don't. I wonder if they really think that? Or is it your natural shyness that makes you feel you should drink in order for them to enjoy your company?

got it in one Greyhound...have always been too shy. Ugh just having a bad day I guess....we all have them. I can't bear to share the misery any more today...time for some inane tv I think...thanks though...

Nice to hear from you JWN. Another one who wants to know what channel the Ozzy programme was on - I was a Black Sabbath fan in the early 70s and have loved him ever since.

Welcome cantchange. Firstly two bottles of wine a day is dangerous territory - if you keep it up you'll damage your health, not to mention your finances. Do you want that? Do you want that for your daughter? (who will always need you no matter how old she is) Secondly I also thought I was more bubbly and interesting when I was pissed (and like you I very rarely fell over or did stupid things). If you've read my recent posts you'll know that stopping drinking has actually MADE ME COME OUT OF MYSELF. I considered myself somewhat anti-social and a bit too quiet and needed drink to make me fun to be around. It's all crap, as Daisy says it's a crutch and read what the wonderful Venus says too.

If I can do it, you can do it. You just need to really really want to and it can take many attempts before the penny finally drops (I've made loads and even now am far from being complacent). I have friends over later and for the first time ever I've bought some wine and know absolutely that I won't be drinking any of it. This in part is of course due to the antabuse which has set me on the sober road, but there's a big part of me too now that is almost repulsed by the thought of drinking too much. I hope I don't sound preachy and my life is still full of ups and downs but it's become immeasurably richer since I stopped drinking.

Waves to Grey who is talking a lot of sense, listen to her too.

Finally, if your friends are real friends, they'll stick around if you stop drinking. If they don't, they're fairweather. Just make the decision to get on the bus as I did almost two months ago. Before that I lurked and de-lurked several times but this time I've stayed. And it's hard to imagine now being without it.

Gets off pulpit and takes a deep breath

That sounds interesting, JVVN *vvas it God Bless Ozzy Osbourne?

It's on again on BBC 4 on Monday.

• (Sorry - broken key!)

Do you know what scares me? I've just read back my last two posts on this thread. I would never have imagined I would ever have a problem with alcohol. If I had seen my future when I was twenty one, and seen that post, I would have been incredulous. It wasn't until I was in my mid 20s that drinking became a problem.

I distinctly remember the exact moment that my drinking habits changed from social to dangerous. I had been through a hard time at work and was adjusting to living in my own flat by myself. I loved living alone but that is when the drinking became a problem.

I remember the very moment when I thought "I could buy some wine tonight and drink it, there will be no one here to disapprove". The disapproval thing was because the friend I shared a flat with before I moved was teetotal and the son of an alcoholic. I would never have drunk in front of him. One time when I did get drunk, I could sense his disapproval the next day.

Now I know that alcoholism is in my mother's birth family. She's only been in touch with them for the last few years, so now I know that there is problem drinking in my genes.

Welcome cantchange

I understand what you mean when you say that life feels flat and empty... I get that same feeling... despite having a lovely family, job and wee dog sometimes I think 'what's the point?'.

But I have discovered that the alcohol doesn't make you feel BETTER, it just numbs the feelings (which then resurface when you're sober). I am trying to figure out what it actually is (boredom? loneliness?) rather than just ignoring it.

Yes, it feels like something is missing. But I'm pretty sure its not alcohol.

Joey (4 weeks on the bus, and starting to get evangelical!)