The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Starting the Summer Filled With Luscious Mocktails.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse and I used to drink far too much. Too much vodka to be exact, then too much wine, then too much cider....... you can imagine how it went.

This Bus is full of people like me, and people like you actually. Sober people, drinkers, a few not surers, and those who are simply 'somewhere'.

The one thing that we have in common is that we can/do/did/will abuse alcohol.

Some for a number of years, some months, some for their entire adult (and before) lives.

The support here is for everyone. Those in AA, those who are taking medication to help, those going it alone, those with the support of others. We're all here for the same reason.

Why not come and say hello? We are all so very different in our every day lives but we all have a common theme.....

And, for those who want to see where all of this began 2 years ago, HERE IS a link to all of the past Bus rides.

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Thank you for all the kind words Babes, it relly helps to keep me going

I've been and had my nails done this morning...... I don't have them done all the time but since losing my weight, I'm feeling much more like a laydee so treated myself to them.

Soma - re rushing Alfie (Seth says hello btw) you need so set out boundries/rules/etc early on. Seth used to piss on the floor and it would drive me mad. We sent him to weeks of training and the lady there said ignore it. Just ignore him weeing and pooing in the house, (gross I know but it's worth it) encourage him to go outside and then make a HUGE fuss of him doing it outside.... lots of YAYAYAYAYA!

It didn't take long for Seth to click! Especially as he got treats for going outside. You have to think of the bigger picture, where do you want him to be in the house? How much of the house is his and/or yours?

If he's in your room, and in your bed, you need to think about if you meet someone in the future, how will you 'explain' that to Alfie? He's not going to be bet pleased if you're shacked up in bed with a new best friend!!

Anyway, keep posting about him so that we can hear how he's getting on.... can you put a piccy on your profile for a while??

Hi Sarah - good to see you xx

Welcome to Tuff -great name

Do you know what Tuff - DH finding out that you've posted on here isn't such a bad thing is it? You've not confessed to committing murder, having an affair with a six foot donkey, discovered that you have a secret fetish for scotch eggs with chocolate..... you've got an alcohol problem, lots of people have, it's just that not many people will admit to it.

You have, well done! So what if DH knows? It will go one of two ways ime; he'll be supportive and want to help you or, like mine, not agree that you have an abusive relationship with alcohol and just keep buying and offering you drinks.

Stick with us and you'll be grand. One. Day. At. A. Time.

Limit - you sound really ey in your posts, it's great to see.

Mia - how's life with you lovely?

Saf - hope you are okay?

Apparently, the village has been infested with travellers. The pub that's about four doors away from us if closed. It has land at the back and DH has just informed me that said land if filled with vans and caravans. Our back garden backs onto to it...... he's not best pleased to say the least!

Time for me to get my head into gear..... feeling really sleepy again. Try and post later, stay Brave and lovely Babes xx

And, Soma - I know what you mean about having Alfie next to you in bed at night and not a man. I used to love it being just me and DD.

Re Sex Toy Man, my mousey whiskers are going mental about that.... I have a feeling he's not your type. I'm not sure why, but there's just something that is making me itch.

Right, I really must go, back later lovelies xxx

Thanks all mouse soma and fairenuff for your welcomes, I feel better already!
fairenuff I am planning to sort out the spare room, its full of stored stuff and stuff to ebay so it needs a good going over. When I have a glass of vino in my hand I just can't be arsed to do anything like that. I also over eat when I drink, and I am still trying to loose the baby weight (she is 11 months old) so that is virtually impossible. So thats the busy and productive plan for tonight, I shall drink tea and then iced squash.

soma thanks for sharing, well done you for doing so well, its great to know there is a way past this groundhog day life I am living at the moment. My children are 4, nearly 3 and nearly 1, we moved 9 days after my daughter was born to a new area and my husband and I have had some serious issues to deal with in our marriage. I have had a very heavy going few years and use drink to forget, to blot out the stress, except it doesn't work does it? It just makes me feel so disappointed in myself that I am not normal and can't drink normally like everyone else. I don't get completely blotto very often anymore but I drink so i'm just drunk and sleepy and I have a bad head in the morning. I struggle to have just one and I always want more.

Thanks mouse I know you are right its not the worst thing in the world, I actually think its more common than I think and lots of people struggle but there is a taboo around admitting it.

Better go, time for kids baths, then bed and then a nice cup of tea
tuff x

sarahRT thanks to you too for replying, I can't keep up with all the names, and yes boredom is a big one for me too x

Sounds like a good plan Tuff

Come back and chat with us if you feel yourself wobbling. I was very similar to you a year ago, stuck in the same old cycle. Once I got out of the habit it was much easier to resist. So stick with it, it does get easier x

mouse hope you're feeling better today

soma our dog sleeps in our bed, although he is small and doesn't shed. He also gets a bath twice a week since DH is a bit ocd about dirt and stuff, so he's pretty clean and wuffly If he don't mind hairs in your bed, then go for it.

BUT as mouse pointed out, what happens if you get a new man who doesn't want Alfie in the bed? He would be most upset to have to sleep in the kitchen (Alfie, not the new man). Or, what if NM didn't mind, but his Sex Toy spooked the dog?! Maybe you could compromise and Alfie could sleep in his basket beside the bed, and climb up for cuddles on Sunday mornings...

Was not expecting alcohol to be available at DDs show tonight... and it didn't even occur to me to buy any. MIL had a plastic cup of wine and I actually didn't feel envious. Boing! I'd like some now though...

Hello Babes! Well I just got through a social function without drinking!! It was a party I'd sort of been dreading, not because I didn't want to see the very dear friend who was throwing it, but because it was over 80 miles away and I was driving so couldn't drink. I still have that mentality of 'wtf is the point of a party if you can't drink?' Well, the drive was a bit of a pig, especially on the way over, and I wasn't as overexcited and talking too much sociable as I would have been fuelled by a few glasses of wine, but it was pleasant and I really enjoyed seeing my friend and actually catching up with her.

One of the reasons I'm not that keen on parties is that you don't really get to talk properly to the person you've come to see - they're always busy hosting, so you just make small talk with people, which I'm not that big on. My Dfriend was the consummate hostess but still managed to sit down for a good old catch-up chat. She's been through a lot since I've known her but she's finally found a man who really deserves her and has just finished her degree in social work. So happy for her. It was nice to see some people I'd not seen for years, too.

Before, if I've had to do that and then drive, I'd have necked a glass as soon as I arrived to give me a bit of a boost, and then sipped another so as to hopefully not be over the limit. This time I thought 'why risk it'? and I didn't drink at all. I did slip off by low-carb wagon to have two samosas and a piece of baclava though. I poured half a glass of low alcohol bubbly later on, had a couple of sips and thought 'it doesn't taste that great - what's the point of drinking pretend alcohol?'. I was quite looking forward to a glass of wine when I got home though.

Sweet Mouse I'm so sorry to hear how bad your pain is at the moment. I wish that there was something they could do for you. Joey's makes a good point regarding opiod tolerance - it is an issue for people on long term high dose opiate painkillers. The problem is that what would they replace it with - diclofenac doesn't do the trick for you, does it and I don't know of any NSAID painkillers that are strong enough. Are steroids of any use in reducing the inflammation at all?

I'm doing pretty good at the moment thanks. I had my interview for the community first responder position on Thursday (it's a surprisingly gruelling process for a voluntary job!). I've passed the interview (YAY!) but there's a bit of an embarrassing hurdle - I have 9 points on my licence. 2 X 3 for speeding (within 6 months of each other after 15 years of having a clean licence ) and 3 points for a very regrettable incident where I lost my temper and retaliated to a complete dick (who nearly caused me to have an accident) by being a complete dick back... within sight of a police car. This could mean that they won't take me, so I'm fretting rather.

Otherwise all good. I feel so much more balanced, normal (as normal as I ever get, frankly ) and happy than I have done in a long time. Home edding DD is going really well at the mo and she is blossoming. I've been reading a lot about Asperger's Syndrome, and the book I was reading the other day; I was nodding in recognition so hard that I thought my head would fall off. It explains so much of why DD was unhappy in school.

I just want to say a HUGE THANK YOU!! to all of you Brave Babes. I really turned a corner when I joined this bus, and although I don't think I had a big alcohol problem in and of itself, I had an unhealthy relationship with drink as a very counter-productive self-medication for my depression. In the same way that I have ineffectively self-medicated with lots of other substances over the years in an effort to escape my pain - I was dulling the experience and intensity of living. Being here and feeling the amazing support of this open, frank, genuine and caring community has made a world of difference to me. I feel better than I have done in a few years.

x x x x x x x

I'm sorry but this
Or, what if NM didn't mind, but his Sex Toy spooked the dog?!
just made me snort very loudly. I have an indelible image of MrCanSpell locked in mortal combat with Alfie, wrestling some giant vibrator with attachments from Alfie's tenacious terrier jaws. I kind of hope that Alfie wins and assumes prime position beside Soma while Mr SexToy has to bunk up with his creative and innovative implement.

Well done Mia for not drinking and being able to enjoy a party - it is possible isn't it? You sound on such great form and your last post made me snort with laughter which made Alfie who is in his dog-bed at the end of my bed, look at me in surprise:) If a man wants so share my bed I guess Alf could go down on the floor as you suggest Joey. Your dog gets a bath twice a WEEK. When we asked the behaviourist at the rescue he said bathe him twice a YEAR. DD most disappointed as she was looking forward to doggie bathtime fun, so I think we may go for once a month as am a tad OCD too!

I hope you stay awhile Tuff and will now face tomorrow with a little more optimism. It does build, little by little. Sending you hugs Mouse, not really worried about the me, man and dog in bed scenario, as just can't imagine it happening again (me having sex that is). But that's just plain daft isn't it, so reckon I'm just scared out of my wits at the thought of having any kind of relationship.

My most pressing concern at the moment is whether I should shut cat out of bedroom (she used to sleep on the bed sometimes) or let her come in and know that Alfie's here. I don't want her to feel jealous. God, I'm starting to turn into a animal-mad old woman - please tell me to SHUT UP and stay on topic! Just goes to show how far I've come since I first posted and all I could think about was booze :)

Nite nite lovely ones xx

mia thats fantastic that you are feeling so positive and in control! I'm really happy for you. It is weird to not drink at a party at first, but I think we'll get used to it.

soma some dog-owners suggest dogs shouldn't be bathed so often as its not healthy (although the shining healthy coats of show-dogs obviously proves otherwise) we started bathing him because he has very itchy skin... and now we're just used to having a dog that smells clean (when he hasn't rolled in fox-shit)

I figure my kids are washed daily regularly, so is the dog. And he really doesn't smell. But, as I say we do it because of his skin so if you can't be bothered its not a big deal.

Hello Brave Babes!

Chaotic weekend, revolving around work and tennis. The tennis is the children's, not mine, I am not blessed with hand-eye co-ordination, only hand-mouth co-ordination :(. Tomorrow holds a race for life (scarey stuff for someone who is not remotely fit). Then a barbecue - another drinking opportunity.

I've been reflecting on drinking opportunities. I reckon that I get offered a drink around 10 times a week. This is not because I have some marvellous social life, you understand. I'm factoring in cabin crews wandering down the aisles offering drinks and work related commitments. But still, it's a lot. I am so thankful for the Antabuse, and slightly scared about what will happen when I come off the stuff.

Boingy boingy boing boing :) Sorry....Up since 7am, just come back from an hour's walk with Alfie, knocked on two friends' doors but they obviously weren't up (like normal people on a Sunday) and had chat with nice man who was looking for a dog like mine (not single though, lots of mentions of "girlfriend").

Hopefully "I am so thankful for the Antabuse, and slightly scared about what will happen when I come off the stuff". I could have written that, lots of socialising next week, will be telling people I'm on a drinking "sabbatical." I'm worried that I've fallen into the trap of thinking I could just have one or two, because I feel so great now. Perhaps we could support eachother, now and when the time comes to come off it. My GP says stay on it for 6 months, I had my last drink on May 18th and started it May 19th. Have you been recommended to take it for the same amount of time?

I'm so tempted to come off it when I go on holiday at the beginning of August so I can drink like a normal person (yeah right) with my friends, but know that would be very unwise. I never want to feel hungover ever again, I have to be up 7am every day, come rain or shine and if I go back to my usual drinking style, I'll just feel wretched. But the voice that says "you can rewire your brain, you can learn to drink differently" is very hard to silence. And I know there are babes here - Mia, Mouse and Faire who've managed to do that.

So it's a dangerous time for me, even though I'm feeling so upbeat. How goes it today Tuff, will you be drinking? Write us a post soon, so we know how you're getting on. xx

hopefully - good luck with Race for Life - give it your best shot and be very proud of yourself.

has anyone read the "fifty shades of Grey" spoof thread, now in classics? Guaranteed to make you weep with laughter. Really, really funny!

Girls I know this is completely off topic but I still haven't decided whether to go ahead with meeting Mr Sex Toy Man next week.

Pros: he works for Sanofi Pasteur selling to and educating clinicians about vaccines - I work in a medical practice and we buy from them so that's a major thing in common. He sees his daughter twice a week and on alternate weekends so is obviously a very responsible and hands-on dad and his DD is roughly the same age as mine. He has the same breed of dog. His writing is funny, intelligent and interesting. He has a great body (photo on his profile of him doing something daft on a climbing wall) along with other nice photos of him with all his clothes on, including a suit.

Cons: He's in negotiation with Lovehoney.co.uk (the online "sexual happiness" people) to take up his "invention" - so this is a man who's obviously well into that market but does that mean he's into it himself? I'm no prude, very open-minded sexually but it's a very private thing for me.

Obviously we might dislike eachother on sight, but it's whether to even get to that stage that's bothering me...Sorry to be not talking about what we're all here for, but I suppose now that I've been sober for a while I just want to be able to make the right judgement. Thanks for reading ramble xx

I might join you - I'm lurking here and thinking about it ...

Mia I hate small talk too, it seems so false and forced. Some people are really good at it though, it's a gift

When I first stopped I avoided all social occasions for a while. But, as some of you have been saying, you get offered alcohol in all sorts of situations so it's best to have a plan in advance. If I'm taken by surprise I always turn down the first offer of alcohol so that I can think about it.

This has become a new habit for me. Would you like a drink? Yes please I'd love a coffee (or whatever). Then it gives me a bit of breathing space to decide.

Soma, Hopefully this is what controlled drinking is like. Day in day out. Those decisions have to be made over and over. It's not for everyone. Bear in mind that you are not missing anything. It's just a drink. One drink, two at most. If you are doing controlled drinking that is it. Do you really want to drink like that?

I don't think I have rewired my brain, I think, for me, it was not so much an addiction as a habit. I think there is a difference. I was addicted to nicotine and now I have stopped smoking I don't miss it or want it. I don't want to be able to have two or three cigarettes a week. I just don't want any. Because I'm not addicted anymore. If I did have one or two I am sure I would be hooked again and start smoking 20 a day.

With alcohol I can have two or three glasses a week and make a rational choice to stop and put the kettle on before I get drunk because I don't like feeling drunk and don't want a hangover.

The really funny thing is that even though I can drink, most days I don't. Because alcohol is not that great a drink and I would rather have a cup of tea or chilled soft drink most of the time.

Not drinking is fab!

Hopefully good luck with the race for life. I'm feeling pretty unfit at the moment because I haven't been exercising much. I've lost my drive a bit (I think it's the weather) but am really going to try to get back on it tomorrow.

Ma I will have a look at that thread. I'm going to have to read that book, everyone's talking about it. From what people have said, though, it sounds a bit boring? Is it really that interesting to read about someone's sex life? Surely there is only so much to it, or I must have led a very sheltered life . Anyway, the sequel is out and is supposed to be more of a story line so perhaps that can be on my summer reading list.

How did you get on yesterday Tuff?

Soma there are more pros than cons on your list.

You could meet for a dog walk and coffee initially to see if you 'click'. You don't have to go any further than you want to. It can't hurt to meet him can it? It may be that he just has a very healthy and natural attitude to sex, someone has to make those sex toys after all. So I say go for it (but make sure you take all the usual safety precautions, public place, tell someone where you're going, etc).

Another pro is that we can all get involved offer support in this possible romance < sigh >

Btw, see if you can find out whether this toy is a sex aid for men or women, it might make a difference

Hello Madly, do come and join us. Don't be put off by all the sex talk (we're not normally like this)

Faire your words "I think, for me, it was not so much an addiction as a habit" are what interest me. I have to weigh up whether for me it was just a habit or much more seriously, an addiction. It's now, that having broken the habit, I can see it was certainly a habit. But then I have to consider the way that sometimes I could have one or two but more often than not, the lure of the buzz was too strong and I'd have at least a bottle at a time on several, if not most, days of the week. Venus, JWN, Sarah, Mouse - I hope you're not disappointed in me for thinking this way :(

Do you never have more than two drinks Faire? I mean NEVER EVER? That's what I'd have to be absolutely certain about, that I'd NEVER go back to bingeing and I know it's far too soon for me to even make those decisions. And I have to keep reminding myself why I came here in the first place and how happy I am not drinking. And how wretched I felt before.

Madly come on, jump in, the water's lovely!

And thanks for the man advice Faire, I'm really sorry to introduced the topic of sex and won't mention it again, promise! As for romance, I can't imagine it and just worry he might take one look at me and not fancy me. Pictures on my profile are recent though so he should recognise me....No confidence with men anymore, that's the problem. And now I really do SHUT UP about this! :)

Lovely Soma, great to see you so boingy!! I feel like my drinking is under control and at a level I'm happy with at the moment, but it's so easy for it to creep up to a level where it's not healthy and not a positive thing. I'm not taking my eye off the ball at all and am aware that I still drink too much at the weekends and want to do so, even though I'm much more mindful about it and I've broken that habit of our family weekend days being marred by the hangover from the night before. DP commented yesterday on how much more patient I am with DD lately (although I bet he silently retracted that when I lost the plot entirely at both of them yesterday after my navigator missed the turn off the A12 and we ended up in the middle of Hackney yesterday afternoon. I might be sober, but tired, hot, lost and very much needing a pee does not a happy Mia make ).

I think the drinking is a very easy trap to slide back into, especially on a holiday - you drink too much, feel a bit less motivated the following day so have a lazy day, look forward to a 'fun' evening where you drink a bit too much... rinse and repeat. And there goes your holiday. If you don't drink, I bet you amaze yourself with how much more sightseeing, cultural stuff whatever you have the energy for during the day, and I bet you enjoy lovely meals and evenings with your friends just as much without the wine. And I never thought I would say that!

MrSexToy... Well if I were you I'd meet him for a coffee or lunch, or even better, for a dog walk. You've always got things to talk about when you're walking dogs! The list of pros is quite a promising one, and although he might not be the one for you, he might end up as a nice friend. When I was doing the Guardian Soulmates thing I had a correspondence with a guy who lived quite near me. He was clear in his profile that he was looking for no strings fun and a bit of a laugh, and I wasn't going to meet up with him (I wasn't looking for casual sex, I could have carried on having that with DD's dad!). But one evening I just fancied a night out and a laugh so we met up and we had a riot! He was enormously good fun; he'd been a tour manager for rock bands so he had loads of great sex, drugs and rock and roll stories, was recently separated from his wife (hence not wanting anything serious) and had some hilarious stories about his dating exploits too. We became firm friends and had a great giggle, and we're still in occasional touch now (he's happily in a relationship now).

My point is, you never know. It doesn't have to be the romance of the century, it could just be dipping your toes in the water, having a bit of banter and good conversation and most importantly (for me anyway) a laugh. I think if I'd gone into any date with any expectation of romance it wouldn't have worked. I didn't expect to fancy the guy I've just mentioned, and I didn't really, although after we'd spent some time together he really grew on me (he had hidden depths!) and I think it would have developed if I hadn't met DP. Similarly with DP, I didn't think from his photo that I'd fancy him and we had a long email exchange that was just chatty and funny and light; I was expecting us to be friends. We met up on a 'lets be mates date' because he'd just had a disasterous date with someone, and the moment I set eyes on him I thought 'Well helloooo!!' It's much easier to scale things up than scale them down - I never understand people who do the sexting/sexy phone calls before meeting someone - what if there's no chemistry, how embarrassing is that!!

Sorry epic post as usual. If there are serious alarm bells ringing then don't meet him, but I think that if there are lots of promising things and he seems like a decent enough bloke, it's probably worth meeting up in non-datey unpressured way to see what he's like. DP met me and toddler DD for a walk around Kew Gardens - that was our 'mates-date'. Talk about a baptism by fire!

Haha! Cross posted with Faire who has, as usual put it far more succinctly and pithily that me!

I don't think I have rewired my brain, I think, for me, it was not so much an addiction as a habit. I think there is a difference. I was addicted to nicotine and now I have stopped smoking I don't miss it or want it. I don't want to be able to have two or three cigarettes a week. I just don't want any. Because I'm not addicted anymore. If I did have one or two I am sure I would be hooked again and start smoking 20 a day.

Absolutely and exactly this!

Oh and by 'navigator' I meant DP!

Noooo Soma don't stop talking about this, it's great entertainment for the rest of us. And we all secretly want to know more about the sex toy

Did you ever read that thread about a woman who was communicating with a man in binary because it was one of their shared interests. So romantic. There were loads of us biting our nails when they first met up.

To answer your question, I have had more than two drinks on occasion but it just sent me to sleep. I'm a bit of a lightweight these days.

the lure of the buzz was too strong - This is the biggest difference I have experienced since I cut right back. The 'buzz' is to be avoided at all costs. The buzz is getting drunk and I don't like to be drunk. The buzz also means certain hangover and I hate hangovers with a passion.

The buzz is the reason (I believe) that most people start drinking. It's a pleasant feeling at first but as your body becomes used to alcohol you need more and more to satisfy that craving. It's dangerous, imo, and elusive.

When I first stopped drinking I did feel that there was something missing. I had a glass of wine, expecting to fill that void, but it didn't. I came to realise that the only way to fill that void was to drink enough to get the buzz.

So I had to give up the buzz. Forever. Controlled drinking, for me, means not getting drunk, not feeling that buzz, not passing out in oblivion. Not waking up thirsty, nauseous, headachy, tired, ashamed. Not worrying about my liver, heart palpitations, high blood pressure. Not having red eyes, dry skin, greasy hair and spots. Not hiding bottles, not wasting money . . .

Btw, I think I can speak for the others in saying that no-one will feel disappointed in you Soma you are an inspiration to others, you have shown commitment, compassion, honesty and unending support to others x

Hey lovely ladies, Just a quick update (thanks for asking soma and faire no drinking last night for me and a lovely restful sleep to boot No drinking tonight either so that will be day 2. Unsure how long to give myself to allow myself to feel like me without alchol, what do you ladies think? A month? Or is that too ambitious? It feels like a very very long time! Also what about this controlled drinking lark? Sounds like CBT strategies help? Is it really hard or ok when you get into the swing of it? Is it better to try and just keep off it?

When do I get the boing??
tuff x