The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Starting the Summer Filled With Luscious Mocktails.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse and I used to drink far too much. Too much vodka to be exact, then too much wine, then too much cider....... you can imagine how it went.

This Bus is full of people like me, and people like you actually. Sober people, drinkers, a few not surers, and those who are simply 'somewhere'.

The one thing that we have in common is that we can/do/did/will abuse alcohol.

Some for a number of years, some months, some for their entire adult (and before) lives.

The support here is for everyone. Those in AA, those who are taking medication to help, those going it alone, those with the support of others. We're all here for the same reason.

Why not come and say hello? We are all so very different in our every day lives but we all have a common theme.....

And, for those who want to see where all of this began 2 years ago, HERE IS a link to all of the past Bus rides.

good morning everybody! Welcome to tuff and can I just say that I have not had a big boing, more several little boings but its still been worth it. My eyes have been opened.

soma I think mia is right about not building it up into a 'this could be the one' romance. Think of him as a potential dog-sitter and work up from there Oh, and I agree with faire about whether its a sex toy for men or women. But... all in all it sounds promising.

My eyes being opened... last night at DDs show, my MIL had some cheap wine in a plastic cup... she never normally has wine except at mealtimes, cider is her choice but they didn't have any... so rather than go without she had the wine. I'm not being smug - until a few weeks ago I'd have done exactly the same thing - but it just shows how desperate people get for alcohol. I have been known to drink stuff I don't even like rather than stay sober... oh, the times they are a' changing.

Joey You've mentioned your MIL's drinking habits before - it does sound like she has an issue with alcohol.

If I didn't have white wine in the house, I don't know what I would drink. I think that probably the only thing I would refuse is really horrible, cheap cider (tramps on park bench cider although it could have been me on the park bench) or one of those grape must drinks, lambrusco and the like. I probably wouldn't touch whiskey as it doesn't agree with me. Apart from that, I'm not that fussy...

faire 50 Shades is badly written repetitive smut but entertaining none the less . DD2 bought the second one and I'm half way through that - its marginally better.
i worry that DD2 will think sex is really like that.....(she's 18 btw).
if only................................
tuff bloody well done.
I have had two bottles of alcohol free beer so far, but might be tempted by wine later on tonight.

Faire your post has brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for your wisdom and compassion. Mia too, sharing your dating stories, wow what a ride you've had! I'm not building this up into anything, I've done that far too many times before, I just want to meet someone and see if we get along, have a laugh as you say and take it from there. I'm already pretty sure I don't want to cohabit again so the future can take care of itself.

Joey, I can feel and smell that plastic cup! Good on you that you can't imagine drinking out of one now! Tuff I've only just REALLY got the boing and it's six weeks since my last drink. Try to take it one day at a time is good advice and don't look too far ahead. I've had a really stressful afternoon, dog has bonded so strongly with me over the weekend that he's developed severe separation anxiety (neighbour told me he was barking non-stop when I went out and left him in his crate for only an hour and when I came home, there was steam coming out of it!)

So now I'm anxious about going to work tomorrow and DD has returned from sleepover behaving like one of those awful American biatches on Disney Channel. But not for one single second did I want a drink or think it would improve my mood or reduce the stress. For me that's extraordinary and I'm damn proud of myself! Thank you thank you thank you everyone for helping me get this far xx

OMG Mia the middle of Hackney - I can't imagine a place I'd less want to be. And that's because I used to live there! Apologies to any Hackneyites on the thread but I'm so glad we moved out of London after DD was born and have ended up outside the M25 (just).

Soma I lived 10 years in Highbury so am well aquainted with Hackney. It's not top of my list of places to be, I must say, but normally it wouldn't be that much of a trial. After driving 80 odd miles round the M25 and up the (slow) A12, and fucking DP us missing the exit that we wanted and overshooting by a good couple of miles (before we could get off A12) into the middle of slow Saturday afternoon Hackney traffic, plus all my bodily discomforts, I was fucking fuming! As DP tartly pointed out... 'I made a mistake... I'm sorry!' this didn't stop me throwing a toddler tantrum.

Mia too, sharing your dating stories, wow what a ride you've had!
Not as many rides as I could have had.

Ma I haven't read the book - almost bought it but read the Amazon reviews and decided it probably wasn't worth £3. I've read the thread though and some of the posts had tears of laughter running down my face. There was one about a narrative/spunk ark...

About the booze in plastic cups thing.. to be honest, I really loathe luke warm white wine in plastic cups. It's why I found it very easy to resist the lure of booze at the party yesterday; I hate it and I'm not particularly tempted by it. Cheap wine in plastic cups. Yuck!! I'd rather go home and drink decent booze!

Random response to things that I can remember....

dogs - like them, and if I were dating would love to date someone with a dog, but I'd not be impressed if said dog was in the bedroom - looking at me with big eyes when I was trying to be seductive, and as for the dog being in the bed.... I saw a programme once with the dreadful woman who presents 'Me or the Dog' and she made me certain about not having a dog in the bedroom. Soma I know that you are not looking for a bed-mate, but your dog will be like a child who never grows up, and who may expect to co-sleep for ever. He will be OK sleeping in his own place downstairs - and if he is unsettled in the short term, then just do the same as you might with a child - reassure and leave (or try radio 4 left on all night - that's what my friend had to do for her dog )

Habit / addiction, controlled drinking / abstinence? All I can say is that for me it was both a habit and an addiction, and the addictive element has meant that even after long periods of abstinence, having one drink very quickly leads to having 2, and then to have a couple of drinks the next night, and then to having most of a bottle, and then to a couple of gins and a bottle of wine..... I am still seduced by the idea of being able to drink, but I know that (for the time being) I don't want to drink in the way that faire describes, I don't want the occasional glass, I would want to feel high and dizzy and lightheaded and lighthearted.

I am well out of the 'habit' but I still sometimes see an advert of TV with a chilled glass of wine, and it triggers something (that is why I ALWAYS have a bottle of soda, or gingerale, or other stuff in the fridge - so I can create the chilled glass look when I feel tempted). And I know that the lightheartedness I feel now is more authentic and long-lasting than anything I ever felt when I was drunk.

Great post venus

Morning all. So begins another Monday morning but I am back on my diet now, I have given myself 9 weeks to lose a stone so that I will return to work in September one dress size smaller. Took a starting weight this morning and will check my bmi later.

Have a great day babes and to all those not drinking, enjoy it!

PS Soma I was going to suggest putting the radio on too. Also, to get him used to the idea that when you go you do come back, try leaving him more often but for much shorter periods of time. Start with ten minutes, then build it up gradually until he gets used to an hour.

Would your neighbour be happy to check on him if you left a key?

Morning all. I posted here a few weeks back but kept falling at the first hurdle (ie day 1, 2 or at the most 3) so have just been lurking recently. I've probably drunk every day for the past 4 weeks now, and it's gradually creeping up to a bottle and a half of wine a night. Feeling hungover is becoming the norm and it's crap. I don't feel I'm giving my daughters enough of me. I love them so much but I know I sometimes lack patience with them. I have to sort this out now before it's too late.

DH and I have agreed that once again we will try cutting out alcohol during the week, starting from today. I really have to try and make this work, because the more times I fail the more I feel it is an insurmountable problem, which of course it shouldn't be. Ultimately if we can't do it together I think it could be the end of our relationship in the long run. We both hide behind booze. I really don't want us to split, but nor do I want to live in an increasingly empty and lonely relationship.

Anyway, enough about me. I have been following all of your progress intermittently and you are an inspiration (literally).

Gotta go - DD just woken from (far too short) a nap...

only a quick post because I'm supposed to be working

soma try shutting him in the kitchen and sitting quietly reading in another room. When (if?!) he stops barking, go and praise him. Ours doesn't bark when we're not here, but he goes mental when we get home [you've been gone for hours! Abandoned! Unloved! etc]

Work: boss misunderstands my email and concludes that I'm an idiot
Previously I would think "why are people so stupid! I'll have a drink tonight and forget about it"
Now "Maybe I'm really rubbish at this communications stuff. Perhaps I should go on a course."

Fed up waking up feeling like boiled shite.
Day 1 for me again.

Am with you on that one Ma, Day 1 for me as well!

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Soma - agree with Joey about the leaving in a room etc. He will get used to you going as soon as he realises that you DO come back. Seth was exactly the same.

The best advice that I can give you is to treat Alfie as you would a baby/young child. The have all the same needs as a little one, separation anxiety, needing to have physical contact with you/DD, knowing that someone is there so they're not alone etc....

Lots of praise for the good stuff, ie not barking when you leave the room, giving him lots of attention and praise for getting in his crate when asked....... you could try leaving the radio on in the kitchen or room where his crate is so that he has some noise for comfort.

Not many dogs like silence, and they like to feel protective as well as protected so him barking is to let you know he's there too. Hope that makes sense.

He's getting used to a new home, new smells, new everything and I bet he can sense your nervousness from wanting to get it right too? It's like a whole new relationship, it takes time but you'll soon get to suss each other out.

Nemo is still poorly and FULL of horrid green gunk...

I have a bit of a dilemma on my hands too. I've finally had a decision about my DLA (they we're trying to work out if I was disabled enough to get DLA ) so I can get a mobility car, one which I have been waiting for since March.

However....... something is stopping me. It's all paid for using my DLA which I use to live on but DH and I have done some figures and we can do okay without it, if it means that I can get about more, not having to rely on DH and others to take me. I can drive the car we have now but the car I'm looking at is automatic and small so easy to drive.

I've test driven it too and it was fab. I was excited about it and wanted it.

I won't use it all to fund the car but there is a voice telling me that I really shouldn't get a car. I had a bad RTA on April 2007 and it took a long time for me to get over it..... plus there's the disability side, will I get the most out of it.... will it sit on the driveway.

What's stopping me? Why am I not on the phone telling the guy to press the 'go' button?

I know it's not a booze related question but I could do with your opinions..... please xx

I posted on here a few weeks about my concerns that if I stopped drinking, I wouldn't be able to relax enough to enjoy sex. Some of you kindly gave me advice and support.

I am delurking to say I haven't had a drink since I posted. Yesterday I was lurking away, and saw a mention of 'Fifty Shades of Mumsnet'

Went and lurked on that thread, and half-way through I found -ahem- or rather my husband found - I mean to say Anyway my point is I had SEX AND I WAS COMPLETELY SOBER probably for the first time in years

And it honestly wasn't a big deal - if anything it was better because I wasn't worrying about the bloody booze the whole time.

Will go back to lurking now, just wanted to post and update.

bambi

delurks again

PS. and you know that post-coital woozy flush you get? I always assumed that came from being drunk - turns out it might actually be the sex

PPS. DH was a bit that I was turned on by the 'Fifty Shades of Mumsnet' I tried to explain about the penguin and the pombears and doing a 90' maintenance wash

isawbambi glad to hear it - (both about the not-drinking, and about the sober sex)

ferfux if it's any comfort I failed and failed and failed and failed, but eventually I got it - not always a smooth ride, but so much more worth it.

mouse sometimes when we dream of getting something we want, we also dream that everything else will be perfect too. Then when reality comes closer we realise that it is only part of the bigger dream, and it won't miraculously solve everything, and we get scared about being disappointed, or of disappointing ourselves. Why not go for another test drive, fall in love with it and feel excited all over again, plan the kind of things that you can do with nemo, lovely places you can take him perhaps, or to appointments at the hospital. Imagine being able to take seth to great places where he can run. Imagine spending your Friday and Saturday evening waiting up to go and collect your dd from a late night party - OK so she's not quite at that stage yet, and when she is you and dh will be pleased that you can share the task

pmsl @isawbambi being turned on by an MN thread.....you go girl
obrigada are you managing Day 1? I'm on the alcohol free beer and will be ok tonight

has anyone seen that bloody indie since she went and got married? have I missed all the gossip about how her big day went?

Mouse it sounds as if you're putting others before yourself, as ever :) It might really enhance your life and you said you were excited by the prospect! Of course if you had a bad RTA that would obviously make you nervous but the odds of it happening again? I say go for it! You REALLY deserve it. Kiss Nemo better for me.

Thanks for the dog advice everyone. Left Alfie out of his crate and web-cammed him whilst I was at work and didn't seem to be any problems. BUT I'm beginning to wonder if I've done something I might regret (getting a dog that is). The responsibility is AWESOME and you're right Mouse, it's like having a small child to care for. I know I need to be patient but please tell me it gets easier. I do love him, but I'm just SO knackered and want the poor lad to lie down and stop following me around.

Had the day from hell at work too, basically because I'm so efficient and helpful, I'm being landed with all the shit (as well as the good stuff) and I need to sort it out with my boss. I'm paid a pittance (NHS admin staff) so all the stress isn't worth it. And I don't want it to make me too tired for dog and DD. Venus he's sleeping in his own bed on my bedroom floor, is that still bad?

But the great thing is, it's not making me want to drink as it used too. Stress and tiredness are no longer triggers. I'm learning what is good for me :) No cravings whatsoever. Welcome back Ferfux, thank you for reminding me about the awfulness of being hungover all the time. I never want to go back there. I'm determined this time that I won't. You can do it too. And no self-flagellating Ma and Obrigada, when the time is right and you're both ready, alcohol will begin to lose its hold on you, as it has with me. Of course I must guard against complacency but something really feels different this time.
And dear little Alf is now curled up in his crate (went in of his own accord) and looking adorable.

Onwards and upwards, for all of us x

mouse are you worried that you will 'waste' the money on something you won't use & it could have been used for something else? Why don't you just get the car and see? If you're not happy, you can always sell it.

bambi thanks for coming back! love your story - I haven't read 50 shades of grey, but I don't need/want to after reading the Mumsnet version. Can anything beat Bernard playing 'Chopsticks' on his Casio? Or Beverley worried about getting trench foot in her minge? Snort

soma I think dogbed in your bedroom is fine, he will learn he IS allowed on the bed but only at your invitation. And he will calm down. You can webcam him? That's awesome! I would love to see what my dog gets up to (sleep, bark at squirrels, sleep)

Evening, tis me, Mouse

venus - you are so, so right. It's the whole 'yayayayay I'm getting a car, adapted for my disability, just for me, and me and me' and then I had the three month wait because the Motability Team worked out that I was 2 month's short of the required 12 full month's of DLA left.

Still with me? Anyway, it was 11 long weeks before they decided that yes, I was still disabled, and yes, my conditions had worsened, and yes, I am entitled to the money.

The pizzazz has gone. I was left annoyed by the salesman because he lied to me (I found that out after speaking at length to the lovely lady at the Motability part of DLA), I felt flat that I wouldn't be getting the car for months.

So my plan is that once I've had my appt with the spinal surgeons, I'll decide what to do. There are two cars that I like now instead of one so that's a good thing too.

Sorry not to be focused on the thread, my mind is all over the place with this and a poorly Nemo

Soma - it gets much, much, much, much, better, easier, nicer, much more fun, automatic, just like children; the more that you put in, the more you get out.

He'll walk next to you, stop at the edge of the road when you do, walk close and not in front or behind, he'll learn that if he listens, he'll get praise.

IT WILL BE WORTH IT xx

Right, I need to go and give Nemo more feed, be back tomorrow.

Well done Ma for sticking to NA beer and yes, where is the blushing bride?

Hello to everyone else, and to all those doing well, keep going. To those who aren't, keep posting.

Night xx

Joey - it works on a lease type deal, you get a new car every three years, but I think I could send it back........

X posted

Night xx

Ah thanks Mouse and Joey, feeling more positive now, even though just discovered he'd peeed up the sofa when I took my shoes off and was walking round barefoot. He's on the bedroom floor, in HIS bed and there he will stay unless invited up Joey!

Mouse don't worry about not being focused on the thread, what about me?? But it's all part of the bigger picture isn't it, the patchwork of our lives and what makes us who we are and why we have a problem with drink. Well, I'm turning in, off to the dentist in the morning to have a tooth out (one right at the back) and then a coffee with Mr Sex Toy Man. I'm so tired, I look about 90 years old but will just smile a lot and hopefully he won't notice. Will be back in time for DD when she gets home from school. Will be my first sober date in aeons, a very good thing as I have ended up in many situations I shouldn't have due to the affluence of incohol.

Nite nite xx

oh good luck with your date soma!