The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Starting the Summer Filled With Luscious Mocktails.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse and I used to drink far too much. Too much vodka to be exact, then too much wine, then too much cider....... you can imagine how it went.

This Bus is full of people like me, and people like you actually. Sober people, drinkers, a few not surers, and those who are simply 'somewhere'.

The one thing that we have in common is that we can/do/did/will abuse alcohol.

Some for a number of years, some months, some for their entire adult (and before) lives.

The support here is for everyone. Those in AA, those who are taking medication to help, those going it alone, those with the support of others. We're all here for the same reason.

Why not come and say hello? We are all so very different in our every day lives but we all have a common theme.....

And, for those who want to see where all of this began 2 years ago, HERE IS a link to all of the past Bus rides.

Silver - thank you for posting lovely, been thinking of you (I think we all have) and hoping you were as okay as you could be IYKWIM. It's kinda understandable that you're drinking, I guess I would be too.

So, has DP moved anything else in or just his bike? How's DD?

I'm back from seeing my lovely GP. I'm lucky that I can tell him everything and know that he'll take it in, sort it and send me on my way with something, rather than hoping it will get better by positive thinking as I've had in the past!

I'm now on Diazepam, 6mg max, per evening as a starting point and ONLY at night. He suggested Pregabalin which I'd had before and gave me stroke like symptoms so that was a no thank you, or he was thinking Benzodiazepine which helps with muscle spasms but again, the pain is due to the discs and nerves, not really spasms.

Anyway, I'm still taking the same morphine both slow release and Oramorph, plus the Amitriptyline. Tonight will be a good test to see if it helps with the pain or sends me to sleep.

How are we all tonight? It's the dreaded Friday night! No different to Monday, or Wednesday...... but somehow it can fill with fear.

Last of the big party people here went to bed at 8pm after a cuppa and a snuggle with Nemo last night. Tonight see catch up tv with DH and a large glass of soda and lime.

What's everyone up to over the weekend? Any Father's day plans?

Hi mouse its good that you have an understanding and supportive GP!

We're busy on Sunday but we're going to have a lovely big roast tomorrow with Aunt Bessies yorkies then I believe there is a new series of 'Primeval' on which DH likes to watch with the kids. (I don't get it, every episode something weird happens and then someone says "Another anomaly has opened up, Professor!" I'll come and ride on the Bus instead)

So, yeah thats his Fathers Day Gift, being allowed to watch rubbish on TV.

silver sending you lots of warm and loving thoughts. I had my parents staying for a while - they are elderly and very infirm, and also desperately (and wonderfully) independent. They were staying because they get completely exhausted looking after themselves. I feel very fortunate to be able to help them (and to still have them in our lives) but at the same time it is terribly difficult to get the right balance - I got about an hours work done in the days that they were here.

silver good to see you.
mouse wish I could ease the pain for you somehow.

Joey - sounds fab to me! DD watches Primeval too, I rather liked the first series but TV when it's on is a luxury in this house, everything DH and I get to see is recorded and replayed!

Have a lovely weekend xx

Ma - thank you dear friend, thank you. Please look after yourself this weekend. Promise not to poison DH?

Nemo has just brought all of his last feed back (weird as I've just thrown up too but that's more stress and exhaustion than anything with me) so I'm replacing what he's lost and watching some recorded TV.

I'll try to pop in over the weekend, stay safe BraveBabes, whatever your plans, plan to stay sober that little bit longer xx

ah mouse you sound worn out! are you sure its just the stress catching up with you from the christening? maybe you are coming down with something. Hope you manage to get some rest.

Well, too many glasses of wine. The ice packs are not being terribly effective for puffy eyes and do nothing for snotty nose. Have spent hours listening to the I love you (or at least feel a sense of obligation towards you and our children) but am not in love with you line. He managed to make sure I still know he was really truly in love with OW. She was sexy apparently. Tells me he loves me and wants to stay with me and family - makes it clear that is best for me. I fell to bits before so he is a good man and will take care of me for the future.

In short it is down to me to make him go, he is martyr and I am evil old bag who will deprive children of their father.

Wish I was comatose not just pissed. Have mixed all pain killers with wine but still have feelings. Shit. I have not yet touched tramadol, am ok physically so do not need to. Packets there waiting.

He just said come to bed. I will wait a little longer and he will be snoring.

Today Anyone would be having a few glasses of wine in the circumstances. You say you fell to bits before - has this happened before then? I hope today is a better day for you.

Mouse Good luck with the fentanyl. Is Nemo okay this morning?

Limit Wow, amazing news and congratulations.

Venus Are your parents staying long? It's a difficult balance to strike but don't forget yourself.

Today make it a priority to look after yourself today. That's an order (((hugs)))

Give yourself permission to put all those thoughts on hold today and try to rest. Drink plenty of rehydrating fluids throughout the day, keep topping yourself up and try to nibble at really nutritious food like fruit, nuts, seeds to give you some energy.

Sleep, nap or rest whenever you can. You do not have to make any decisions right now.

Remember, what happens in a relationship is never down to just one person. It's not all your fault, all your decision, all your responsibility. That's too much for any one person to bear. This feeling, like all others, will pass. Just hold on to that thought and come and talk to us when you can.

Sending love and support x

Beauty alert. The use of Claris beauty flash balm reduces under eye puffiness really well (does not touch top lid tho).

Reckon with the hair dying tips I should be on style and beauty...

Therapeutic house cleaning for me today. Might help clear some head space too. Dh at cricket so no 'discussions' other than him saying he wants to stay to make me happy. Lots of double edged swords here :(.

at "yo-do" list.
oooh indie how exciting. for flowers comb the hedgerows/gardens - ideally clad in something floaty and eating a Flake - and then stick em in assorted jamjars (washed) with a few bits of ribbon, raffia round them. Group together on table with other small jars with nightlights in. Job done.
Read your last line as "of to re-sink the seal" and considered phoning RSPCA for cruelty to seals......

Evening, tis me, mouse

What a night!

I got up to Nemo in the early hours last night and fell asleep in his bed, only to be woken by the most intense pain I have ever had. I'd been lying on my left hand side and woke to find that I was stuck. Really stuck and in absolute agony.

I couldn't move because of the pain. I couldn't call for DH because I would have woken Nemo up and most likely DD too. I had to lie there with tears rolling down my face willing it to be morning and DH thinking he'd left us too long in bed, come in and find me.

It was 6am before Nemo decided to stir and by that time I'd already done most of the damage. I was willing DH to come in and help me up. In the end, I just forced myself to get through the pain and carefully got up and went back into our bedroom, took a good dose of Oramorph and 2 diazepam and sat waiting for it to go.

So whilst last night was much better earlier on, this morning Early hours, was utterly horrific. I'm not sure what to do as the meds obviously wear off before morning so I'm kind of stuck as to when the best time to top up would be?

I've spent the day feeling sick and dizzy. I've managed some food but the pain is coming back in waves, it's really disabling. I've kept on top of my meds all day, in fact, I've probably overdosed to block out the thought of feeling like that again.

I've got my TENS out, hot water stones, and all my usual meds. I just can't go through another attacks like that. It's really scared me. Sorry for the waffling post.

Now, to business.............

HR - no fentanyl for me as it's the 'same as morphine but for those who don't tolerate it'. So I got diazepam instead.

Today - what the actual fuck? I'm sorry but this guy is vile. Utterly fucking vile. How dare he treat you like this?! Who does he think he is?

Tells me he loves me and wants to stay with me and family - makes it clear that is best for me. I fell to bits before so he is a good man and will take care of me for the future. - BEST FOR YOU? So he stays because it's the best possible outcome for you?

Oh purleeeeeez. [hhm]

My lovely Today, YOU know what's best for YOU! Not him, not his OW, not his mates in the pub, YOU.

Does he think he should stay with you for the children? Does he think it's his civic duty or something? Jeff I am seething for you. I agree with Faire that it's not all up to you to sort out but I do think that it's YOU who has to do what's best for you and the children in the long term.

Lots of families survive with just one parent, and there's no reason why yours shouldn't be the same. There's no reason that he can't be a part of their lives, assuming that he wants that.

I think you need to put yourself first. Just for once, do what's best for you.

I hope you're reading this/these post/s. I'm worried about you. xx

IsinDe - it's more an old tradition with the flowers thing and if you don't want them, then don't have them. It's your wedding, your choice not your mother's.

If she wants flowers, then maybe she could get a corsage made for herself in the colour theme of the wedding, assuming there is one? Or just a flower for her lapel? If she's that bothered, tell her she can sort it.

Flowers on tables are used to help dress the tables, but if you don't want them, don't have them! They can cost an arm and a leg too!

How are things going anyway? Are you almost sorted?

Sending you mwahs xxx

Oh and I agree with Ma if you do want them, there are some gorgeous wild flowers at this time of year, lots of berries on the hedgerows which add a twist of something different to the decorations.

A florist will charge you for the stems and for the labour, getting them to the venue, setting them up, pins for corsages, and any vases that you have.

Maybe just have a display on the top table (yours ) and take it from there......?

Or not.

People won't be there to look at your flowers, they'll be there to look at you and DP. They'll be there to share the joy of the day, they'll be there because you want them to be (even your DM) and they'll all be there because they love you.

Try to take a step back, look at what really needs doing first and do it.

If something gets missed out, then it's likely not to matter that much anyway.

Shout if you need anything that we Babes can help with xxxx

oh mouse there must be something someone can do about the pain. Poor you!

mouse how awful - there's no much that is worse than being in terrible pain and being alone and having to suffer through it

isindie I'm not much help on the flowers - I love them. At my wedding we had no guests, no cake, I wore a dress that I already had, but I spent a 4 figure sum on flowers [eek!!!] - totally made my day - so over the top . But seriously - there is a temptation in the days leading up to a wedding to plan for perfection (sounds more like your dp than you), and to get terribly stressed and horribly tired by trying to complete everything. In reality, on the day you should wake up and feel wonderful - you and dp trust the love that you have found, you have such love and trust for each other that you want to spend the rest of your lives together. There's some words I love written by Robert Fulghum:

The symbolic vows that you make on your wedding day are a way of saying to one another, ?You know all those things we?ve promised and hoped and dreamed - well, I meant it all, every word.? Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another - acquaintance, friend, companion, lover. Now you shall say a few words that take you across a threshold of life, and things will never quite be the same between you. For after these vows, you shall say to the world, this is my partner for life.

Joey - I have a feeling that you could be right after losing round one of tonight's dinner. See how I go over the next few days.....

Venus - I was so so so very scared, I had no idea what I had done or how I'd got in the position.

Ma - there really is nothing more that the Powers That Be can do for me just now..... DH has suggested that we get a hoist of some sort attached to the ceiling so that I can pull myself up when I get stuck in bed.

Something, anything to help me to turn in bed has to be a good thing.... I'm 37 and feel so dependant when my hips/pelvis/lower back seize up like last night.........

See what tonight brings. Will let you all know tomorrow.

Sleep well Brave Babes, happy Father's Day to those who are celebrating it.

Night xxxx

Early start as long day today. Had two thirds bottle of red (someone, perhaps limit, said they go slower on the red than the white which is so true:) ) so not too bad really. I think overall intake has dropped since gathering all my courage to join in last week. Baby steps.

Dh being lovely to me, including being great with kids so pressure off for a wee while.

Mouse I really hope you have a better night. Dr I'd right about fentanyl generally being for those who do not use morphine but ( very big but£ it has huge advantage as delivered by patch. Much easier for body to use lower more constant dose. Easier for you to control top ups too. It does not sound as though much will help with the getting stuck like that tho. Monkey bars would make a difference I think. Can you get an at home ot

Sorry.

An occupational therapy assessment. They are do good at designing aids to maintain independence at home.

Have you been to a consultant led pain clinic?

Sorry not to check in with everyone, especially those who have been supportive and kind and made me weep! Gotta run but wanted to post ideas for mouse.

Ps. Weddings are definitely something to enjoy do don't focus in chores instead people too much indie!

Hi all

Busy weekend here too but just wanted to post to Mouse having had a quick catch up read. Mouse the only thing that has really changed over the last few weeks from what you have said, is your diet.

You've lost a lot of weight quite quickly and gone very low (no?) carb so maybe that is messing with your meds? Perhaps the way it's absorbed or your weight makes a difference. Could maybe account for the sickness if not the pain?

Just a thought, my lovely. Hope you get a better rest today x

Love to all, will be back later x

ps Saf I know it's only been a couple of days but I haven't seen you post, you ok? x

quick check in. been swimming with DS which we havn't done in ages, and now have beef in the slow cooker for a big roast dinner. think I should have put it in earlier though - might not be eating until midnight.
mouse I hope you had a better night. faire has a good point about the diet and weight loss.

• must be wet up there on the roofrack!