My husband and I have been together for sixteen years, since I was twenty. He is ten years older than me. I've posted about our relationship before, under a different name, as I haven't been entirely happy for some time. In fact, most people, including my wonderful RL friends said 'leave the bastard' but we all know it's not always that simple and for several, very complicated, reasons including protracted periods of fertility treatment, I'm still here and trying to make a go of it.
However...and this will sound immeasurably shallow...I am feeling very frustrated in the bedroom.
My husband rejects me sexually 95% of the time - and has done for some time. I don't put any pressure on him as I know that will have the opposite effect to what we'd want, but I have tried everything to get him to want me: weekends away, cosy nights in, cooking his favourite meals, dressing up outfits (excrutiating), sexy undies, lost two stone in weight, cuddling up to him in bed, not cuddling up/suggesting anything for weeks and I get....nothing.
When he does get in the mood, he will roll on top of me, go at it a couple of minutes, need a break and either go soft or come very quickly. Whatever, it is shit for me. There's no other way of saying it. He won't countenance the idea of sex other than in the missionary position, on a weekend morning (but only every couple of months or so), with the TV on in the background. We 'had sex' last weekend (before that, March) with him lying heavily on top of me and he went soft and I felt so, so empty, unwanted and tearful.
There is no me on top or him behind. No oral for me or for him. Not even a bit of leg stroking or fantasies or anything. He doesn't believe in sex toys or anything like that, does not want to talk about it, does not believe in counselling. He seems happy with his lot.
I hope I'm not sounding too selfish, but honestly, I am beyond frustrated and feel like I could be tempted elsewhere. I don't find him as attractive as I used to (eg: he's put on 5 stone and keeps bursting into the loo for a poo when I'm in the shower - yuk), but I appreciate we all change physically as we get older and god knows, I think sex is so important in a marriage, otherwise what are we, just housemates that have barely anything to say to each other? I feel this is symptomatic of the rest of our relationship and I just feel I have invested too much simply to leave, but quite frankly, it's hard to say what I am getting back. I feel cross.
I don't know what to do. Apart from 'leave the bastard,' which is where my every waking thought keeps taking me, what can I do? Am I missing anything obvious or have I tried everything?
I have to go out for a few hours, but will check back as soon as I can and thanks if you've managed to read this epic tale of sexual woe!