Being drink does not mean you deserve it.

[OhNoMyFanjo]

I have been reading some comments on tge DM site re an interview with a women who was raped. Her rapist has just been convicted. She has had many terrible things said about her in her community due to the rapist being a pillar of tge community.

I wanted to share this comment that someone has made as it sums up what should be obvious to everyone but unfortunately there are some people who don't get it.

You don't get raped because you are drunk - you vomit because you are drunk. You get raped because the rapist standing next to you made the decision to rape you and acted on it. The rapist is the only one accountable for going on to rape a person. End.

What I think you are reading is you can't respond.

'Opportunistic' is a difficult one JBLC, if you are in bed with your partner and you say no, but he decides to carry on anyway, you could say that was 'opportunistic'.

But the blame culture seems to support the idea that a man could be walking home at midnight with naught on his mind but the nearest kebab shop, when he spies a drunken, mini skirted woman and decides to rape her, as though it was beyond his powers to resist. That kind of 'opportunistic' is total fallacy.

Yes it is opportunistic in terms of "I've spotted a woman and because she is drunk I'm going to rape her" that doesn't happen. There are obviously elements of opportunism as well as manipulation and control in most rapes.

The problem with saying that some rapists will attack drunk women is that you can't guarantee that the victims would have been safe if they were sober. You cannot know for certain that being drunk is what made them vulnerable.

As for fighting attackers off, there is also no guarantee that someone sober is more able to fight off an attacker than a drunk person.

And making bad judgements? Aside from the really glaringly obvious victim blaming in that, you also can't guarantee that the same decisions wouldn't be made sober.

Being drunk doesn't make you more vulnerable.

Saying that it does, even with the disclaimer of "only in some cases", whether you like it or not, does make it sound like the victim has made a choice which has increased the chance of being raped. Which does sound like the victim has some control over what happened. Which is laying some of the blame on the victim.

Also, don't know about anyone else, but this thread makes me want a drink!

I've already had a few

Hear, hear Empusa. And cheers

And some chocolate

Being sober could make you more of a victim in lots of cases, being polite/not wanting to offend is often mention by women ignoring their interal voice, if they'd had a few drinks they wouldn't be so bothered about offending a stranger. How's that for a rape myth!

Ooh I could do with some chocolate!

Yep, I'll never fit that gun in my handbag though :o

Maybe we should ask in Style + Beauty

There you go, that should cover it

Even better, there is this.

Ooh that second link made me piss myself, love it

Love how this thread has gone! :) you're a wonderful bunch of women.

It's heartening to see the blame culture being shouted down. Long may it continue!

Not too bad yourself walter

I agree it is very heart warming

Hope you're all ready for round 4 tomorrow as I suspect Bumbleymummy is the type who cannot stand to not have had the last word.

Meh, bring it on I say!

Long may the rape myth busting continue

I should have thought so. Can we not just repeatedly post The University of Minnesota's Very Helpful Fact Sheet at her 'til she gets it? I've counted 20 or so myths on that sheet that have been repeated ad infinitum on this thread alone (and a fair few more on other threads....)

I just want to clarify, in relation to JohnnyBoden's question, that the main point posters are making here is that there is nothing you can do in advance to prevent you being raped. Staying sober, wearing a burkha, not walking down dark allies, dying your hair blue, whatever, will not prevent you from being raped if you happen to be unlucky enough to come in contact with a rapist. If you are attacked, how you respond will depend hugely on the situation, and again has a lot to do with luck - the rapist might be frightened off by someone else, you might kick them in a painful place, the rapist might decide not to go through with it, and in those cases it might be attempted rape. However, again, you can't plan in advance for these things - you can't say "If I never do ---- I will be able to prevent myself from being raped." Suggesting that certain actions do prevent rape is totally incorrect and only serves to make rape survivors feel like shit if they didn't manage to do those things.

I was asleep when I was raped. As I woke up, I was confused and it took me a good 20 seconds to tell my rapist to stop, at which point he did. He had sex with me while I was asleep and yet I have still had posters on MN suggest that it wasn't rape. That's what rape survivors are up against. It's bloody shit. I loved my rapist, I could never have predicted that he would do that to me. I thought I was safe to sleep in the same bed as him. And yet, I was raped. Nothing I could have done could have prevented that rape because I didn't know it would happen.

You're right about round 4 I think!

But you know, usually I'd have left a thread through pure frustration but
I'm not backing down on this one! It's just too important!

I've seen those types of threads too Cailin Thats why i'm so please how this one has turned out.

((hugs))