Being drink does not mean you deserve it.

[OhNoMyFanjo]

I have been reading some comments on tge DM site re an interview with a women who was raped. Her rapist has just been convicted. She has had many terrible things said about her in her community due to the rapist being a pillar of tge community.

I wanted to share this comment that someone has made as it sums up what should be obvious to everyone but unfortunately there are some people who don't get it.

You don't get raped because you are drunk - you vomit because you are drunk. You get raped because the rapist standing next to you made the decision to rape you and acted on it. The rapist is the only one accountable for going on to rape a person. End.

Denying that victims of crime bear responsibility for the crime that was committed against them achieves;

A society that doesn't tolerate rape.

A society that doesn't give rapists entitlement and justification.

A society that does all it can to prevent raising boys to commit rape and girls to tolerate it.

Tdada, it actually makes me quite happy to be countering Bumbley's rape myths when I'm in such good company on this thread.

an article for you bumbley

Arguing that the focus should be on not drinking so we don?t get raped is called perpetuating rape culture. It?s saying hey, if you avoided these behaviors you could have avoided being raped. When anyone, including feminists, puts their focus on preventing rape by avoiding risky behaviors they are putting the responsibility for avoiding rape on the shoulders of the victim.

You don't seem to understand this point. You are in fact victim blaming, even if you don't get it, no matter how much you protest that that is not what you meant, and that you have been misunderstood.

It reminds me of the arguments people make when being pulled up for the use of racist language such as using the word "chinky" when they mean Chinese food. They may not intend to be offensive, but they are.

"And you have harped on about it for pages and pages and probably upset any number of women." Actually - I take that back, as you are but one little sad and lonely voice here, whereas there have been some absolutely fantastic posts on this thread, from rape victims, feminists, lovely mnetters etc etc which really go to show that posters will not allow these rape myths to stand. Maybe we are getting somewhere.....

To anyone who is lurking and who has been raped, no matter what the circumstances - I believe you and IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!

And I feel stronger from this thread. Yesterday I told my husband about what has happened to me. That is the final step for me in letting go. This thread has crystallised my thoughts and my ownership of my feelings.

Offred That is great, How are you feeling?

You can also tell me to mind my own beeswax

Offred ((((hugs))))

I second that, Porto.

I did say pages ago that it has been the first time I've ever seen posters with common sense out number the victim blamers

Offred :) very happy for you! Well done!

Accepting that you are vulnerable in a particular situation does not mean that you are responsible for someone exploiting your vulnerability.

Not patronising anyone just expressing my own view and not intending to offend anyone.

Sending hugs to you too, Offred.

Blackout - alright actually! I also told his friend who was there and is also my friend. It was relevant, his friend was sharing an experience about something happening to him that he wasn't sure was quite right (it was very wrong and actually he didn't feel entitled to feel that about it cos he's a man). I had a brief afterwards wobble, his friend was great, I felt a bit panicky sometimes today but one thing I was worried about was it changing how he looked at me, it hasnt so I also feel empowered. I have never talked to anyone in rl outside one bout of rasa counselling last year.

bumbley - my last reply to you is YOU CAN BE VULNERABLE IN ANY SITUATION AT ALL. If you choose not to get that, well that is up to you.

Oh do go away Bumbley. Take your rape myths with you.

''so I also feel empowered'' Hold on to that feeling

I'm so happy for you (((hugs)))

So do all of you think telling men not to rape is going to stop all women from being raped? That's it? Just tell them and they'll all stop.

Offred, I'm very happy for you.

Porto, I have said many times that I know it's not the only situation you can be raped in.

No, I think having a society that sees rape as a crime and something the victim is not responsible for and raising all children with self-respect and to understand that respect for someone in a relationship means ensuring they want to have sex with you and consent to sex with you, that being drunk means they can't consent and that lies and manipulations to extort sex are not ok will all help. People don't always understand what rape is now.

Well, Bumbley, making the victim feel that she is somehow responsible for being drunk certainly does no help.

And yes, telling the rapists not to rape, improving conviction rates, as well as the % of cases getting to court will help. Dispelling the myths that you're hanging onto with such grim determination will improve reporting rates, and help the conviction rate in rape cases. Judges directing juries against the rape myths that exist in society will help too.

It'll all help. Perpetuating the rape myths and victim blaming doesn't help.

.