Being drink does not mean you deserve it.

[OhNoMyFanjo]

I have been reading some comments on tge DM site re an interview with a women who was raped. Her rapist has just been convicted. She has had many terrible things said about her in her community due to the rapist being a pillar of tge community.

I wanted to share this comment that someone has made as it sums up what should be obvious to everyone but unfortunately there are some people who don't get it.

You don't get raped because you are drunk - you vomit because you are drunk. You get raped because the rapist standing next to you made the decision to rape you and acted on it. The rapist is the only one accountable for going on to rape a person. End.

Just as being sober does not mean that you will not get raped (again, another point acknowledged earlier on)

But being asleep makes you vulnerable to SOME rapists. Waiting at a bus stop makes you vulnerable to SOME rapists. Being married makes you vulnerable to SOME rapists. Walking your dog, stone cold sober in broad daylight makes you vulnerable to SOME rapists. Taking your children to the park makes you vulnerable to SOME rapists.

When will you get that alcohol has NOTHING to do with being raped?

Bumbley, you are Queen of Backpedalling.

rape in general running. As in, all rapes in general. Being drunk does not make you an automatic victim of rape. How else can I possibly say this so that you understand? The last para addressed that point specifically.

Yes, Porto and being drunk makes you vulnerable to some rapists. Get it now?

I spent years following certain rules, don't walk home alone, don't get into an unmarked cab, don't meet someone new at your home, on a new date don't drink, make you're own way home.

I was safe until I met a rapist. I followed the fucking keep yourself safe rules, down to the book, it didn't make an ounce of difference.

The only thing following the rules did was make me waste more bloody time than needed on a rapist. Who very kindly kept his control tendencies to himself until he raped me.

What does it matter if it's some or all rapists bumbley? Adding some rapists doesn't make your statements any the less victim blaming.

I'm not back pedalling either. I made all these points really early on in the thread.

Running, becuase not all rapists prey on drunk women. Didn't you know that?

But it has been explained over and over if you state that it is behaviour exhibited by a woman (whatever that behaviour might be) that has led to her being raped, or made her more vulnerable to such - that this is victim blaming.

I'm quite capable of making up my own mind thanks Bumbley. If you look at other threads you will see me writing things that are not the main thrust of opinion fairly regularly.

Separate to what you claim you have said you have actually said, as i have read it, that being drunk makes you more vulnerable to rape. That in order to protect women from rape you are going to teach your boys not to rape and your girls not to get blind drunk. That being drunk means you can't fight off the rapist on the corner which is one of the reasons being drunk makes you vulnerable to rape.

This is not blaming the victim but it is "victim blaming". You have not recognised that rape is not opportunistic, that the power and control of engineering the rape is of fundamental importance to the rapist and therefore if a rapist chooses their victim opportunistically there still needs to be some overpowering and controlling behaviour involved and that in this case alcohol is irrelevant because a. Being drunk may make you better at fighting b. fighting sometimes gets you killed c. Rapists don't choose victims based on their own alcohol consumption that was within their control and you have not established that they ever do (my acknowledgement that it isn't impossible doesn't prove you right).

Rape myth one - that victims should fight off their attacker (drunk people are vulnerable because they can't fight back).

Rape myth two - women can protect themselves from rape (drunk people are more vulnerable to rape because they are not able to keep their wits about them).

There's more, my brain is a little frazzled now. Anyway, you ARE back peddling. You are also failing to understand what you are talking about and wilfully misunderstanding things I've said.

Time to leave alone? Isnt this just making more people sad?

Bumbley - "being drunk makes you vulnerable to some rapists."

There you go again. Right, for the last time - that is a victim blaming statement.

TDada do you know you're sounding a little patronising?

Bumbley you are still victim blaming

"Yes, Porto and being drunk makes you vulnerable to some rapists. Get it now?" Doing absolutely ANYTHING at all could make you vulnerable to a rapist. Drinking is a red herring. And you have harped on about it for pages and pages and probably upset any number of women.

Admitting vulnerability is not accepting blame. If you are vulnerable someone may take advantage of you. That is not your fault but i don't think it helps anyone to deny that you can be vulnerable in certain situations eg. Under the influence of alcohol/drugs and that someone may take advantage of you. What does denying that achieve?

Nope, not making me sad thanks! Rape myths need to be challenged.

But this logic says that women have to modify their behaviour to avoid the risk of being raped, when all the evidence is to the contrary. So the implication is that if you DON'T then somehow you are complicit in what happens.

Arent you bored of being the voice of no reason yet bumbley? Aren't you fed up with making rape survivors feel less than OK about what happened to them?

Aren't you tired of everyone telling you that your opinions make you seem cruel, insensitive and just plain wrong?

Doesn't it seem odd that you are at odds with everyone else?

Denial can be a strong force.

Victime blaming... Again i will say it... Is not about actually apportioning blame, it is about making the victim responsible for the crime...

From wikipedia: "Victim blaming occurs when the victim(s) of a crime, an accident, or any type of abusive maltreatment are held entirely or partially responsible for the transgressions committed against them (regardless of whether the victim actually had any responsibility for the incident). Blaming the victim has traditionally emerged especially in racist, sexist and classist forms.[1] However, this attitude may exist independently from these radical views and even be at least half-official in some countries.[2]"

HTH

But being raped is someone taking advantage of you, really???

Like fuck it is!!!

Will you please stop now Bumbley. We didn't misunderstand your posts - you just said it again. "being drunk makes you vulnerable to some rapists' is a victim blaming statement.

Nobody is misrepresenting what you have said or are saying. I would suggest that you read the thread again, and read the superb links that people have posted. Time to re-educate yourself I think - you are either deliberately bating rape victims on this thread, or have failed to understand the very many eloquent posts by a multitude of posters, telling you why you are wrong.

Then I think you should write 'I will not victim blame' 100 times.