Being drink does not mean you deserve it.

[OhNoMyFanjo]

I have been reading some comments on tge DM site re an interview with a women who was raped. Her rapist has just been convicted. She has had many terrible things said about her in her community due to the rapist being a pillar of tge community.

I wanted to share this comment that someone has made as it sums up what should be obvious to everyone but unfortunately there are some people who don't get it.

You don't get raped because you are drunk - you vomit because you are drunk. You get raped because the rapist standing next to you made the decision to rape you and acted on it. The rapist is the only one accountable for going on to rape a person. End.

TDada have you read the thread? You've jumped into a 20 page long 'disagreement', which is why it might seem a bit hostile.

I'm sorry this thread is coming across as hostile.

Trying to explain to posters who are so indoctrinated in the fear culture that they are as at "risk" in their own "safe" home/sober etc, is difficult.

After I was raped, sober, in full daylight, I've taken up lone camping, night hikes etc and it's bloody brilliant.

We don't need to live in fear or restrict our behaviour. We need to punish rapists.

Blackout so true

"Your wife and dd should be able to go out jogging at night without fear.

It's a sad world women live in."

Very true but unfortunately is the world we live in and until rapists stop raping women are at risk.

This is what winds me up, that woman have this false sense of safety, won't get too drunk, won't go into that area after dark, making sure you're all covered up, it will never happen to me because I'm a good girl.

Again you are only at risk if a rapist is around!

Add message | Report | Message poster bumbleymummy Sat 02-Jun-12 16:30:33
If you are drunk you are perhaps more likely to try to walk home alone, talk to some random stranger etc. things that you wouldn't do if you were drunk.

What you posted above is classic victim blaming, I only hope that even though you'll never admit to it here we have educated you somewhat.

I guess you will never admit you were wrong bumbleymummy as that seems to be the type of person you are. Perhaps it's a skill you should work on as being able to admit you are wrong rather than continue to argue generally makes for a nicer person.

Bumbley, firstly, you most certainly didn't specify it was in a specific situation at the start of this thread. You were talking in very general terms at the start. You are just backtracking now in an attempt to be 'right'. Don't make me c&p the posts - it annoys me to do that, and besides, many of them have been rightly deleted by MNHQ.

Secondly, you are making erroneous assumptions on the subject of rape - and your assumptions are damaging to rape victims. Many posters have pulled you up on this - yet you continue to say 'I didn't say that'. So what did you come on this thread to say I wonder? And why argue so belligerently?

Obviously you don't Walter because you posted two quotes saying that they contradicted each other.

You haven't answered my question about why they have used 'being vulnerable' in relation to being under the influence of alcohol and drugs if alcohol and/or drugs don't make you vulnerable.

Hrh, no one has said that you aren't at risk in those situations.

Blackout, Have you missed all the posts where others (including me) have said the exact same thing? I know you love that sound bite but it's not really contributing much to the discussion considering that we all accepted that some time ago.

Trixy, I will admit wrong when I'm wrong. I will not admit to something that I have not said or done. I am not blaming the victim - no matter how many times anyone accuses me of that.

Oh do come on Bumbley! Stop picking at other people's posts and playing with words - what did you come on this thread to say? Because you're now saying something different from your posts at the start.

The op was about it never being a victim's fault because they were drunk - and you came on to say....?

Running, I said was talking about a specific example several times. I acknowledged on several different occasions that there are many other situations where a woman could be raped that do not involve alcohol.

Bumbley, I have just given a direct quote from you where you were victim blaming. You're really not getting it are you.

Personal attacks again I see

Why? Why talk about that specific example on this thread- unless you're in the business of victim blaming of course...

Bumbley - other poster have not said the exact same thing. I am one who said that rapists can use drugs and alcohol to make you more vulnerable (they are in control of this). You can be more vulnerable generally when very drunk e.g. Passed out. This is not remotely similar to being in control over your own alcohol consumption or being more vulnerable to rape specifically when you are drunk/passed out. Which is what you actually said. My last post explained that's what I thought was happening. The first time I used the word "vulnerable" you jumped on it failing to see the distinction.

Bumbly, you are being highly offensive and bullyish.

You are upsetting fathers, mothers, sons and daughters etc.

What is it exactly that you're getting from constantly changing what you are saying?

The rape myth reality states "being vulnerable" ie when drunk.

It could state "being vulnerable" ie when old, smaller, disabled etc.

It takes a warped outlook to twist that.

Should disabled women not go out at night?

You are not meaning to blame the victim Bumbley. What you are saying actually is the kind of thing which creates and confirms entitlement to rape in rapist's minds. As I have also said repeatedly.

And means women don't report rape because they feel it was their fault.

I came on to say that I agreed with the posters who said that being drunk makes you vulnerable. They were also jumped on wrongly for 'blaming the victims'.

Blackout, that's rich coming from you! :)

You've also misunderstood the difference between actually blaming the victim and "victim blaming".

Yes, Offred, exactly. The more people like Bumbley around saying that being drunk makes you more vulnerable to rape (and Bumbley you DID say that - you're just backtracking now) the more a rape victim who had been drinking puts the blame on herself. Not helpful to rape victims, or any woman.

If drink or drugs were not ever a contributing factor to rape, whether it's the rapist or the victim, do you suppose that there would be less rapes? I certainly do. I work with vulnerable adults, not necessarily rape victims or rapists, and whatever their fears and dangerous situations there is almost a gold plated guarantee that they would have been less vulnerable without any drugs. I am not saying that a rape victim should be blamed by anyone if she/he was drunk, but sadly they blame themselves, and it can take years for them, if ever, to not constantly come to the conclusion that if they had not been drunk, it would not have happened. It's awful enough to have been abused, but made worse carrying that around with them. Generally it makes them take more booze or drugs to block it out, a very vicious circle.

You know what gets me most Bumbley?

If I was on a thread pontificating on a subject of which I have no direct experience of being a victim of, lets say for example rasicm, and I made a comment which I believed to be valid. Then other posters came onto that thread who had experienced racism and told me that they found my comment both offensive and upsetting, I would both appologize and shut the fuck up .

After pages and pages of you calming rambling on and on, I can only believe that you are getting some sick kick out of baiting rape victims, more and more awful tales are rolled out but you just sit in the middle with your fingers in your ears, refusing to listen.