Being drink does not mean you deserve it.

[OhNoMyFanjo]

I have been reading some comments on tge DM site re an interview with a women who was raped. Her rapist has just been convicted. She has had many terrible things said about her in her community due to the rapist being a pillar of tge community.

I wanted to share this comment that someone has made as it sums up what should be obvious to everyone but unfortunately there are some people who don't get it.

You don't get raped because you are drunk - you vomit because you are drunk. You get raped because the rapist standing next to you made the decision to rape you and acted on it. The rapist is the only one accountable for going on to rape a person. End.

Well at least I'm not resorting to insults and swearing...

Bumbley - but you are! The only people who need change their behaviour to avoid rapes happening are RAPISTS. The rest of us should feel free to wear short skirts, drink vodka and walk in alleys....

Men can get raped too but no one's telling them not to get drunk.

Bumbley, it's time to think about the fact that behind all of the anonymous internet pseudonyms on this thread are real women.

Many have been raped.

Some of them might have been drunk.

All of them were raped because they were with a rapist. That is why it happened.

You are minimising their experience and saying it was their fault, that they could have prevented it. You are hurting them.

If you don't think you're saying that, you're wrong.

You're cruel.

You are upsetting real women sitting at their screens wondering why people like you think it's their fault. Wondering if it istheir fault.

When they were only raped because they were with a rapist.

Seriously. Get it through your head.

You are wrong.

The alcohol didn't make the victim in the OP vulnerable though bumbley - she got into a car with a 'pillar of the community' who she trusted. That's what made her vulnerable.

So your argument is utterly flawed.

Ok, so all of you are arguing that you are never vulnerable when you are drunk? Ever? To anything?

I am always vulnerable to a rapist, drunk or not.

Portofino, you're right, we should be able to do that. Unfortunately the fact that women still get raped in those situations shows that it is not yet safe to do that.

So, logically, what you're saying is that women should never get drunk.

having learning difficulties makes you vulnerable, previously being a victim of rape makes you vulnerable to revictimisation. Alcohol is a red herring.

I'm probably more vulnerable to a lot of things when drunk, like getting run over, falling over. But it's only being in the presence of a rapist that would make me more vulnerable to rape - alcohol has no bearing.

And if you think that telling girls not to get drunk because it makes you more vulnerable to rape is in any way helpful you are much mistaken.

It just perpetuates the myth that if you were drunk when you were raped it is somehow your fault - not a good thing to do to rape victims.

Well at least I'm not resorting to insults and swearing...

Yeah you're right. Peddling rape myths so a woman can blame herself for being too vulnerable is ok. But swearing? Well that's just wrong.

Oh and right back at you kissmybaps :)

LIFE isn't safe. Read the news.

Aww don't get all angry with bumbley, she thinks a rape myth proves her point haha!

I've have never been raped. I have walked home alone when pissed, never watched my drinks like a hauk ect ect. The only thing that has avoided me being raped is having the luck to never bump into a rapist.

Doesn't that make you angry? That in 2012 and I say its luck? It should be a RIGHT not to be raped!

I'm finding Bumbley's posts the most insulting and cruel. I've not read such an insistence in peddling the rape myths for a good couple of weeks now.

Bumbley you are conflating the issues in the following ways;

Getting very drunk makes you vulnerable, not to being raped but generally, there's no link between being drunk and getting raped. The link is between alcohol and rape is that rapists who intend to rape or at the very least have sex with you and buy into rape myths such as it isnt rape if she doesnt say no, she's a prick tease, drunk women are fair game etc may give you drugs and alcohol in order to incapacitate you, this can happen to anyone careful or not because you can't spot a rapist.

The rape myth you are quoting is talking about being vulnerable generally not being vulnerable to rape. Yes being vulnerable is something that can be used to rape you; being a prostitute, having survival sex, being homeless, mentally ill, unconscious etc it however does not follow that choosing to try and avoid situations where you may make yourself vulnerable can help you avoid rape because the rapist is the one who is normally in control of engineering your vulnerability which is why they use trust, drugs, drink and weapons.

Learning not to get really drunk is a good plan for everybody because it makes you generally vulnerable and is bad for your health. Not because you might get raped of you drink, this is ridiculous and equivalent to you shouldn't take pictures of your children in case they get into the hands of paedophiles.

Blackout - it was the REALITY that agreed that alcohol and drugs make you vulnerable. You aren't very good at reading posts are you? :)

I've been raped four times and it was never when I was walking home pissed and alone.

Most people do not get raped thankfully. Some who do are men, they don't get told not to be vulnerable. I got raped so many times because my homelessness, mental illness and general vulnerability meant I was more likely to encounter rapists than the average person. I haven't been raped for 6 years, I was raped four times in five years. I haven't changed my drinking behaviour, I'm just not mentally ill and homeless anymore.

Aww was that a PA ?

And personal attacks now?

Everyone accepts that drunkenness increases vulnerability to a range of unwanted events, such as acting like a cunt or losing your keys and phone or getting into heated disagreements. It is unforgivable of you to say that it particularly increases the risk of being raped when it doesn't. Children get raped, prisoners of both sexes get raped, teetotallers get raped. Women in their 90s, asleep in bed in nursing homes get raped.

Abstinence from alcohol does not make you safer from sexual violence. Why do you insist it does? Do you think if you follow "the rules" it won't happen to you? You are deluded if so.

Basically self imposed vulnerability of choosing to get drunk is highly unlikely to result in being raped. It is a crime that just does not work that way. Often rapists want to be part of that creation of vulnerability.

Stop saying REALITY please.

Your reality is very, very different to mine. Your reality is hard, dark and violent.

Your reality is the mistrust of all men. Mine is the mistrust of rapists.

Offred - ((hugs)) - as to whether Bumbley is even capable of taking that on board.....

Offred, I haven't said anywhere that if you'll get raped if you drink. I have been saying that you are more vulnerable when you drink and I see that you also agree with that:
"Learning not to get really drunk is a good plan for everybody because it makes you generally vulnerable"
so I'm not sure why you're arguing with me. It should be fairly obvious that I'm not saying that you'll get raped if you're drunk because I've said it, oh, about 100 times on this thread.

Offred, does that mean that no one has ever been raped while walking home pissed and alone?

If you say so Blackout :)