Being drink does not mean you deserve it.

[OhNoMyFanjo]

I have been reading some comments on tge DM site re an interview with a women who was raped. Her rapist has just been convicted. She has had many terrible things said about her in her community due to the rapist being a pillar of tge community.

I wanted to share this comment that someone has made as it sums up what should be obvious to everyone but unfortunately there are some people who don't get it.

You don't get raped because you are drunk - you vomit because you are drunk. You get raped because the rapist standing next to you made the decision to rape you and acted on it. The rapist is the only one accountable for going on to rape a person. End.

Um...blackout, I've posted the quote 3 times now...

Answered that already portofino. Not sure what you want me to say, women shouldn't be at risk but they are.

Actually Bumbley - I think you'll find that one thing any and every woman has in common is that they are all vulnerable to rape. Drink is not a contributory factor - that much is borne out in the statitics. The only contributory factor to a rape is the presence of a rapist. Who'd have thought someone could turn the MN Rapemyth buster against itself is such a disingenuous way?

I remember thing the way you do bumbley.

I used to think the way you do. I used to talk about "reducing risk"

Until I realised that I could reduce all the risks - and that isn't a magic spell that will save me from being raped.

That was a pretty difficult lesson to learn, it involves all sorts of shifts in thought patterns and opens up all sorts of doors.

I strongly recommend that you educate yourself, especially if you're raising daughters..

Or sons.

*thinking

Shit . This didn't even get to a handful of posts before the rape myths started.

I know you keep c+p quotes even tho I asked you not too but you still haven't answered my question.

Also on the c+p bit from the MN, hasn't said anything about walking home while drunk. My understanding from that would be that it wouldn't be the rapist who was waiting in the alley but from someone you thought you could trust.

Walter, I'm asking it in the context of would you tell them to walk home alone drunk and not warn them that they may be vulnerable in that situation because it wouldn't matter if they did get raped because it wouldn't be their fault. The point I'm making is that even though it wasn't their fault, it still happened to them and if telling your daughter not to walk home drunk and alone helped her to avoid that situation in the first place then what is wrong with saying it?

Agree with op x

Young men are more likely to be attacked than women. Do they make themselves 'vunerable' by walking down a street?

Narked - Don't worry now its just one poster who is now backtracking with the rape myths.

Totally agree with Kissmybaps. And it is VERY important to remember that for most women, rape is not an overpowering stranger in a dark alley. It is a friend, a date, a husband even. You have the right to say NO.

Kiss, I am under no illusion that I can protect myself completely from rape.

And it's not the alcohol that makes women vunerable. It's having a vagina. Sober women also get raped. In fact most rapes aren't by strangers, they're by acquaintances, friends and partners. So walking alone is statistically safer than being at home with a man you know.

Actually, if women are constantly told that they shouldn't walk home alone, they are sometimes more vulnerable to a rapist. Some rapists offer to walk a woman home so 'rapists won't get her' even though it's the rapist's intention to rape the woman and she'd be safer going home alone.

Bumbley - but if they happen to be in an alley with a rapist it make no fecking difference if they are drunk or not. And it never happens like that...

Blackout, I have answered it every single time. I asked you a question that did not mention rape, you replied saying you wouldn't sy it was her fault she was raped - that suggests that you thought I was suggesting rape when I wasn't - I hadn't mentioned it - you did.

Ok bumbley, would you tell your dd not to ever live with a man? She would be more at risk of rape by someone she knows then someone waiting for her in the bushes?

Not backtracking at all :) I'm glad that one of the myths agrees with me even if you lot don't.

Narked, we've been through all that. I was talking about a specific example.

What's wrong with saying it?! What if she ends up, for whatever reason, having no choice to walk home alone. What if she's raped? Are you going to say "remember when I told you not to walk home alone?"

And even if you never said that, don't you think she'd remember you saying it? And feel worse? More guilty? More ashamed? The ONLY thing I will teach my daughter is that if a rapist rapes her, HE is the scum of the earth and HE is to blame for it. And NONE of her actions can have changed the outcome because not one tiny minute part of it is HER FAULT.

I disagree portofino...but you know that already.

No, love the myth didn't agree with you, the clue is in the name 'myth'