Being drink does not mean you deserve it.

[OhNoMyFanjo]

I have been reading some comments on tge DM site re an interview with a women who was raped. Her rapist has just been convicted. She has had many terrible things said about her in her community due to the rapist being a pillar of tge community.

I wanted to share this comment that someone has made as it sums up what should be obvious to everyone but unfortunately there are some people who don't get it.

You don't get raped because you are drunk - you vomit because you are drunk. You get raped because the rapist standing next to you made the decision to rape you and acted on it. The rapist is the only one accountable for going on to rape a person. End.

what was the question?

And my jury question?

Portofino, I'm not really sure what your point is here. Do you think I'm saying a woman shouldn't be able to walk home drunk?

Good blackout, I'll never say that either :) now back to that drinks question that you haven't answered yet.

Blackout, should they not bother taking precautions with their drinks because if someone wants to drug them they'll do it anyway?

the question?

ah x-posts

Oh and you answered your own question there

Rulers, just saw your question but I'm not sure what you mean tbh. Why would I be bringing up points at a rape trial and in what context?

"Do you think I'm saying a woman shouldn't be able to walk home drunk? " But you DID say that. That if she was drunk she wouldn't be able to fight off a rapist, so by default you are saying that she shouldn't/

Lemarchands, no, I'm not saying that because those 'good girls' could still be at risk from their partner/good friend etc if that person just happens to be a rapist. I have acknowledged that point several times.

If you were on the jury on a rape trial where the victim was drunk, would you be raising this argument in the jury room?

Ok blackout, so you won't tell your daughters not to leave their drink down on a table etc. when they go out because if someone is going to drug them they'll do it anyway?

So by that reasoning then no matter what you do you are at risk because I'm sure you know that 80% of rapes are by people you know

bumbley - what argument do you have for the fact that men can, presumably, go and get pissed and walk home alone yet women can't, without risk of being raped?

Unless both parties give consent then it is considered rape. Alcohol impairs judgement and if the girl is obliterated she is in a very vunerable position.

DH and I have talked about how we plan to raise our DC's. We were talking about how we want our DC's to view sex. We both agreed that our DC's need to know it is ok to say 'No' and at the same time it is ok for the other party to reject you and say 'No' too. The sex ed I had at school had no emphasis on this and I think it is fundamental. My father drilled it into us, moreso my brother than us girls.

Of course being drunk does not mean you deserve it and rape is nothing but the rapist's fault.

However as some of the comments on this thread prove if you want to take it to court it will be brought up, used against you and affect others' judgement of what happened sadly.

And my premise is , that you are only at risk of being raped, if you are in the proximity of a rapist.

Portofino, in an ideal world she should be able to do that, of course she should but unfortunately there is a risk. I, personally, do not want to take that risk.

Rulers, why would I?

There's that echo again...can we just assume for the sake of this debate, that in the situations we are talking about, there is a rapist. Everyone got that?

No, I would tell dd to keep her wit with her, but no way would I blame her for being raped while I hunt the bastard down

Want2bsupermum - I dismay of no emphasis. The law is about gaining a yes not reacting to a no in/appropriately. Rape is sex without consent not sex despite a rejection for a reason.

I used to get drunk and go out and then walk home on my own, sometimes I'd get walked home by a bloke I'd met that night. Sometimes I'd snog him and give him my number, sometimes I wouldn't.

I don't consider my behaviour to have been irresponsible or that had I been unfortunate enough to meet a rapist in the pub, rather than a normal man, that ANY of my behaviour would have in some way warranted me being raped.

And that's the crux of all of this.

Bumbley's argument is that we should protect ourselves from rapists by not getting drunk. I do not believe that not drinking is ANY protection against being raped. It's an irrelevance.

And technically rape is being penetrated with a penis.

Everyone has got that apart from you it seems...