To think my husband is a cunt?

[dawnpreview]

After yet another row, in which I am told I do nothing round the house as all I do is stay home and look after the kids. I just heard him shouting at the dog and saying to it 'you're a dickhead just like the rest of them'. How nice that he thinks that of his wife and kids :(
Just went down and let him know I had heard him, and got told 'well it's true, none of you listen to me'
I am sat here in tears now, as I am just so fed up of everything being my fault and him never taking responsibility for any of it.
I know he works hard, and fully support him in all he does. But with 4 year old twins to look after, I don't exactly sit on my arse all day. I do absolutely everything with the kids. He never puts them to bed, gives them a bath, reads a bedtime story, cooks their meals, spends time alone with them- all apparently because he works and I don't, so it's my job.
As I said, I know he works hard and long hours etc, but surely other dads make some time to occasionally put their kids to bed/read a story etc. Or do they not? Maybe this is normal?
Sorry this is a bit long and waffly, I am just so angry and upset I needed to 'talk' to someone. Thanks for reading.

[dawnpreview]

Also meant to say thank you to everyone for being so nice, especially as this is my first aibu!

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Tell him that my dh was totally involved in parenting our three dses (and they were one at a time, not twins, which is way more work) - he did a lot and still does - and as a result, he has a really good relationship with the boys and they know how much he loves them. And he would have missed out on so much good stuff, if he hadn't been involved and caring.

Plus I have suffered from depression (initially we thought it was PND after each boy, but have realised it is much more long term than that and stems from my childhood), so even though I am a SAHM, I don't do as much housework as I should - and he has picked up the slack, despite the long hours and responsible job he has. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for this.

Tell him it is perfectly possible for a man to wash, iron, cook, change nappies, play with babies, wield a hoover - and that his testicles will not shrivel up and drop off.

And if he won't listen to you, he's an arse.

[AllYoursBabooshka]

You don't have to explain yourself.

You could have spent the day on your backside whistling dixy and it doesn't give him the right to come in a start swearing and dictating.

You sound like a wonderful mum though and it's a shame he cannot appreciate you.

[Nanny0gg]

Just point out to your husband that he is not your boss.
Therefore you will plan out your day/work as it suits you and if he doesn't like it he can do the other thing.

And that it's about time he showed a bit of interest in his children.

[GetTheeToANunnery]

Sounds like you do more than enough! It's not us you have to justify it to though is it. Your husband should appreciate everything you do. I really think you need to talk to him about this again, if he does kick off or whatever then let him and don't respond until he's finished. Make him realise what a dick he is for getting wound up over housework.

[molschambers]

Sounds like a pretty typical SAHM day to me. The kids have had a great time and you've buzzed around doing what you can when they were at pre-school. It is hard to do it all. I never managed it - my friends said the same.

Still think your DH is being a twat.

[FeakAndWeeble]

It doesn't matter a squat about what state the house is in - there is never, ever, ever any excuse for your husband to speak to you in that way.

NEVER.

[McHappyPants2012]

i would hope he pays you then, I mean cleaner is approx £10 per hour a nanny between £200 ~ £400 per week and that 50 hours ( there is 168 hours in a week) also pay you a proper chefs wage and the list is endless

[HeartsLovesTheDiamondJubilee]

OP you said ^^ up there that your DH comes in and starts doing the washing up in an OCD way if you haven't (understandably) gotten around to it yet.

WHAT A SHAME for him that he chooses that sort of activity over say reading to his children. Or romping around on the floor. Or zooming cars around, playing with dolls, even watching a bit of crappy telly with them. Whatever.

Is he just not paternal? Does he not realise how fleeting these precious years are?

Obviously not.

I wonder if you could help him see the light... although he is such a twunt I don't know if you should bother....

[leguminous]

Another YANBU. Cunty McKnobhead to the nth degree.

[AblativeAbsolute]

I'm staggered that the idea still seems to exist that you keep the house clean for your husband. I'm a SAHM and I do try to keep the house in a sort of reasonable state, but I do this so that it's a nicer place to be for all of us/my kids learn some degree of tidiness/we don't all catch cholera (oh ok, it's really in case anyone drops by unannounced). It would never cross my mind that I was doing housework for my husband.

[dawnpreview]

Hearts- he does sometimes play with them a bit when he comes home. But generally likes to get a coffee and then disappear upstairs for half hour to an hour to have a bath. He may then engage with them if they are interested, but more often than not it is mummy they want. He takes it very personally when they don't want to go to him, especially times when they say 'i don't like you daddy'. (they say it to me as well, usually after they have been told off!)
He will let them play rough with him, and then when they end up getting too rough he will shout at them. They are 4, they don't understand that sometimes it is ok and other times it isn't. Last night one of them headbutted him and got called an idiot. Then had to stop the other twin copying and calling his brother an idiot. And DH wonders why the kids have started saying to him 'you're stupid' :(

[tallwivglasses]

"Maybe this is normal?"

Yes it is. For a husband who is a cunt.

When my dad called my mum a bloody idiot I was about 7. I have never forgotten it.

[lowestpriority]

What really makes me grind my teeth nowadays is the way SAHMs are treated like leeches on society. when did it become a bad thing that you stay at home and look after your own DCs?
OP.....do you think your DH would treat you with more respect if you wer out of te house all day long working somewhere else?
If the answer is yes I find that really sad.

[FeakAndWeeble]

OP, do you want to be with this man? Do you think he would agree to attending counselling or something to deal with his anger issues and the problems between the two of you, or do you think that the way that things are now are the way that they will always be?

[ExhaustedDad]

Well hi ladies. Exhausted Dad here, some times called Cunt of a Husband. Not here to defend any crap attitudes by blokes who do not understand that life can be pretty tuff as a stay at home mum. But when I start at 0500 and work till 1800 plus, to return home and in the EXHAUSTION of both husband and wife day I am called, "A cunt of a husband", a fella should ask himself what he did to be addressed and more importantly thought of by his soul mate in such a way. Firstly I am a fella who does not swear, so a girl that chooses to use the "C" word must have been a bad marriage chose.(that better change) I ask my self this very question when I am verbally assaulted and addressed as the C*" of a husband. Hey I know I am not. Can I please support us blokes in saying. I, and many blokes are taught we are the bread winners. It is our responsibility to provide for our family. As a fella let me tell you that we do not bring many of the problems from work home. As crazy and inappropriate as that may seem, blokes need to feel strong. We need to feel we are capable of supporting our brood. The ole Alpha Male thing. Lots of problems are bottled up, and are not going to be shared. It's just how it is. A fella needs to learn how to cope with that and be a great dad and "c*t of a husband. Tough job.
So when you are banding together in your internet world just remember that it may not be as simple as your single track assessment of how the world ticks. I have been married for nearly 30 years, couple of kids and life is still tough. good luck. aint all about you.

[KatieScarlett2833]

Well that's you lot told!
Get back to the kitchen sink ladies and know your place.

[TuffEric]

My husband works long hours in a stressful job. I work part time (4 days). He always helps out with OUR DD and also does what he can around the house. If I ever ask him to do anything to help, he always does, without moaning, because it's OUR house and OUR family. YANBU. Plus, that is a horrible way to refer to your family. Aside from the other issues, he should not be speaking about you and your DC in that way.

[ThingummyBob]

weird zombie thread revival.

If you are the husband of the original poster what exactly are you hoping to achieve by bringing up a thread which your wife wrote a year ago?

To me it would only serve to prove you are, in fact, a cunt.

If you are not the husband then here, have a and calm the fuck down dear.

[pictish]

Well exhausteddad - your wife seems to have a list of complaints that mark you down as a lazy, self important, rude, advantage taking waste of time, with zero respect for your wife, and little time for your kids.

Whereas your complaint seems to be that she called you a cunt.

[TuffEric]

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat????!!!
That must be a joke, surely? Please?

[ExhaustedDad]

Well hi ladies. Exhausted Dad here, some times called Cunt of a Husband. Not here to defend any crap attitudes by blokes who do not understand that life can be pretty tuff as a stay at home mum. But when I start at 0500 and work till 1800 plus, to return home and in the EXHAUSTION of both husband and wife day I am called, "A cunt of a husband", a fella should ask himself what he did to be addressed and more importantly thought of by his soul mate in such a way. Firstly I am a fella who does not swear, so a girl that chooses to use the "C" word must have been a bad marriage chose.(that better change) I ask my self this very question when I am verbally assaulted and addressed as the C*" of a husband. Hey I know I am not. Can I please support us blokes in saying. I, and many blokes are taught we are the bread winners. It is our responsibility to provide for our family. As a fella let me tell you that we do not bring many of the problems from work home. As crazy and inappropriate as that may seem, blokes need to feel strong. We need to feel we are capable of supporting our brood. The ole Alpha Male thing. Lots of problems are bottled up, and are not going to be shared. It's just how it is. A fella needs to learn how to cope with that and be a great dad and "c*t of a husband. Tough job.
So when you are banding together in your internet world just remember that it may not be as simple as your single track assessment of how the world ticks. I have been married for nearly 30 years, couple of kids and life is still tough. good luck. aint all about you.

[ChickensHaveNoEyebrows]

WTF?!

[pictish]

So you said.
Your attitude was old hat in the 50s. Having a job does not excuse you from hoursework or childcare. Neither does having a penis. Got that?

And again...you seem to be focusing on being called a cunt, as though that compares to living with Al Bundy.