To think my husband is a cunt?

[dawnpreview]

After yet another row, in which I am told I do nothing round the house as all I do is stay home and look after the kids. I just heard him shouting at the dog and saying to it 'you're a dickhead just like the rest of them'. How nice that he thinks that of his wife and kids :(
Just went down and let him know I had heard him, and got told 'well it's true, none of you listen to me'
I am sat here in tears now, as I am just so fed up of everything being my fault and him never taking responsibility for any of it.
I know he works hard, and fully support him in all he does. But with 4 year old twins to look after, I don't exactly sit on my arse all day. I do absolutely everything with the kids. He never puts them to bed, gives them a bath, reads a bedtime story, cooks their meals, spends time alone with them- all apparently because he works and I don't, so it's my job.
As I said, I know he works hard and long hours etc, but surely other dads make some time to occasionally put their kids to bed/read a story etc. Or do they not? Maybe this is normal?
Sorry this is a bit long and waffly, I am just so angry and upset I needed to 'talk' to someone. Thanks for reading.

[DoesItComeInBlack]

My OH works away all week and is only home weekends after a 4 hr commute, I work part time. At weekends he does All the baths, and the bedtime stories and gets up with DD cos he loves her and wants to spend time with her. I get a lie in. Your OH is a cunt. You are right. And he is taking the piss. You must work bloody hard looking after 4 yo twins, I think you deserve a medal.

[GotMyLittleLamb]

YANBU, my DH would never get away with that, but probably more importantly nor would he want to. I was very proud the other day when my dad asked him if he was "ok to babysit" and he replied with "it's not babysitting, it's being a dad, it's what I'm supposed to do". DD is only 4 months old, it probably won't last

I agree with those upthread who have suggested you stop doing everything, he will soon appreciate you.

[lou2321]

Well sometimes things don't always work out that way Melindaaa as some days things just don't get done. If my DH had ever commented on me not doing something then he'd bloody well be doing it on his own in future.

If I go away for the weekend (sometimes work, sometimes not) of course I would expect the basics to be done, ie feeding the kids, clearing up after after tea but anything else only if it is possible really.

The OP hasn't really told us what does/doesn't get done so you may have a point but I think your comment was very generalised.

[Melindaaa]

AllYoursBabooshka, I'd expect laundry to be done, floors to have been hoovered at least once, the children to be fed and clean, the dishwasher to be loaded, kitchen table and sides all wiped down. If I came home at 7pm to see, for example, the detritus of lunch still thrown around the kitchen I'd be mightily peed off.

[CuriousMama]

So is he ok apart from these sort of outbursts? He sounds mega stressed and is being unreasonable talking about you all like that.

Can you sit and talk to him? Maybe when he gets in you could just hand over the dts and do some chores even if light ones? Try to get him to spend at least an hour with them?

Do you have any support from friends or family? Can you have a break together even if it's just for a night? Sounds like you've both become distant? It must be really stressful coping with twins. I had a toddler and baby and that could be hard.

Has he apologised? If he can't see he was in the wrong then that's worrying.

[PastaLaVista]

floors to have been hoovered at least once

Purleez? At least once in a single day? Something very strange going on there melindaaa ...

[CuriousMama]

dawnpreview just saw what you do and that sounds a lot. It's so sad he doesn't seem to want to spend time with his dts?

[CuriousMama]

Melindaaa you are joking right?

[AThingInYourLife]

I'd expect laundry to be done, floors to have been hoovered at least once, the children to be fed and clean, the dishwasher to be loaded, kitchen table and sides all wiped down. If I came home at 7pm to see, for example, the detritus of lunch still thrown around the kitchen I'd be mightily peed off.

You could fuck off with that attitude in my house.

And if you didn't you could expect divorce papers.

[lou2321]

My god Melindaaa if I wasn't such a lady I'd say you sound a bit like a cunt but I would never say that word!

Dawnpreview - thats similar to how things work in our house too, dishwasher and main clearing up usually gets done either after the kids are in bed or whilst they are having bath/bed if both of us are in but in order for that to happen then obviously DH helps out. Sometimes the laundry gets done in the week but mainly it happens friday-sunday. DH does all the ironing too. Of course we hoover every other day but if it doesn't get done before DH is home from work then it will get done later - whats the problem with that?!

I cannot believe you are treated like that, you really need to have a serious talk and tell him how you feel.

[Melindaaa]

Pasta, yes at least once. It generally needs doing after every meal, especially in the dining room.

[OxfordBags]

I specifically leave the detritus of lunch for my DH to clear up when he gets home

[FeakAndWeeble]

Well thank fuck I'm not married to you Melindaaa. Some days it's all I can do to chuck the nappies in the bin and I don't have twins and an unsupportive cunt of a husband.

I don't really understand why you're posting here to be honest. Are you actually suggesting that the way the OPs partner has treated her is acceptable? And do you have any idea how damaging that could be to someone who has had her self esteemed stamped on tonight and has come on here to vent and actually get some support?

[Melindaaa]

lou2321, I dont think my list of things would take any longer than a total of 30 minutes in a whole day. is that really too much to expect from someone who is a sahp?

[AllYoursBabooshka]

Hah...

So when one twin decides it would be great fun to decorate the living room in flour and the other decides cocoa powder is a better look making your list impossible you would come home and get angry?

[FeakAndWeeble]

Also Melindaaa if you have to hoover after every single meal then you, your husband and your children need to learn some table manners.

[AllYoursBabooshka]

30 minutes with twin 4 year olds?!

I'de like a one way ticket to Melindaaa world please.

[Melindaaa]

AllYoursBabooshka, I'd be furious at a four year old, not my partner necessarily.

[Sarcalogos]

'it generally needs doing after every meal, especially in the dining room'

But not ONLY in the dining room?? Your children get mess in rooms they are not even eating in during meal times?

[Melindaaa]

perhaps you should come and visit my house Babooshka and see how I do it

[CuriousMama]

Can we get back to the OP and not make this the Melindaaa show please? The minority would agree with Melindaaa's ideal.

OP the majority are with you I hope you're ok and can sort this out with your dh?

[lou2321]

I assume you have never been a SAHP then Melindaaa or if you have you can't have done anything other than SAH?

Its not that people are saying those things shouldn't be done in an ideal world on an ideal day (I would have wanted/tried to have everything done every day when the Dcs were little) but sometimes things happen to prevent that and a completely unsupportive twat of a spouse coming home and having a go about it is not very helpful!!

[fridakahlo]

You have all your meals in the dining room? Why?

[Jacksmania]

Things sound a bit bleak in melindaaa world... I think you and Xenia would get along quite well.

OP - YANBU.
A grown man stomping around telling a dog he's a dickhead like the rest of them? Oh dear.

[Brockle]

I'm sorry, I never post usually on AIBU. OP what your husband said was unacceptable. A relationship with kids is a partnership with both people pulling their weight.

When my DH comes home there is usually the washing up to be done after tea and the toys to tidy up at the end of the day. DH does the bath and bedtime whilst I finish the rest off. YANBU and it is tantamount to emotional abuse.

melindaa you know what they say about women with immaculate houses. Must be a lovely view from that pedestal you live on!