Do you think he will hurt me?

[singlemum2012]

I am newly and unexpectedly single, separated for a while but ex-dh only moved out 6 months ago so I am fairly new to dating. Ex-dh was first boyfriend so not very experienced.

Have started seeing this guy. Sex is fantastic, we began the relationship as a friends with benefits thing as he is a bit younger than me and doesn't want kids, fine with me and scratches an itch till I find someone more suitable for long-term. But this guy is a bit of an oddball and has been doing more and more things and I can't figure out whether he is not safe to be around or just messing with me. I only see him on weekends when I don't have my kids, he has never been to my house and does not even know my address.

A couple of times he has hidden behind the bathroom door so when I come out it makes me jump. Another time I was coming out of the bathroom and he was brandishing a hammer. He said he was putting up pictures, and there were pictures on the floor, but he never got around to it and I didn't see any nails, I just had the feeling he was doing it on purpose to scare me. He has cooked for me twice and both times has loaded the meals with as much fat as he possibly can, food fried in stupid amounts of lard, with gold top milk and cream and alcohol added. He told me one of his girlfriends put on two stone in six months when she lived with him. He's skinny and I noticed he ate less than half of his portion. He makes a big deal over the fact that he likes offal, raw meat and black pudding and is a huge attention seeker, when I am with him he is really wearing, he wants my attention all of the time, even keeping me awake most of the night and not letting me sleep. If it wasn't for the fabulous sex I would have run, would like to stay for this but I can't figure out whether he is a harmless attention-seeker pretending to be a dark and dangerous guy or whether he is actually dangerous. He drinks like a fish as well, has no friends (he says), wears black all the time and has decorated his house with weapons (he has good job and own house). He texts me all the time when I am not with him. I feel I don't have enough experience to evaluate him...my head says run but my heart wants the attention / the intimacy / the great sex.

Your opinions please??

After living with your ex, is this really the best you think you can get?

Everything aside, you have children, and therefore should not be putting yourself at risk with someone who acts like this. He was waving a hammer at you FGS - what exactly do you think was going on in his head? What will happen to your dcs if you end up in hospital or worse just because mummy couldn't stand to be without a boyfriend? You need to be more responsible about your safety and wellbeing here.

I never had any intention of him meeting my kids or it being long-term, I said in my original post that he was only ever going to be a FWB.

'There are loads of bachelors that collect weapons'
Yes, and you're going to end up in a stew if you're not careful.

Get a grip and i mean an actual grip not on a grip on his 9" cock

You have a very odd friend.

Burgermuffin

How about focusing on yourself for a change? You sound absolutely desperate. So desperate you're happy to date this weirdo. Your standards are too low, you need to find out why that is.

Fucking hell. Ruuuuun Forest, RUUUUUUUNNNNNNN!!!!!

Arf at Burgermuffin end up in a stew

nyac, how to find out? I have no idea. I can't afford psychotherapy.

There may be loads of bachelors who collect weapons.

They are the ones who are single for a reason...

well for example jumping out on you, it may seem like a lark, but it is a form of undermining your confidence, now you will be nervous when you come out of the loo. He's testing you bit by bit to see what he can get away with, he might just be an arsehole, but he might be a psycho. If he came out and hit you, you'd be off, but when he starts off with the odd thing here and there you make excuses and it steadily escalates.

I'm sure you'll work it out, SM.

Burgermuffin has a point.

At the very least he sounds unpleasant company.

Look Singlemum - nobody here in internet land can possibly know if you (or any of the rest of us) are for real or a big hairy trucker getting cheap hairy trucker thrills and (according to MN law guidelines) nobody should accuse you of anything than you claim to be. However the situation you are presenting to us is So Very Disturbing downright creepy that it would almost be a relief if it weren't all that it seems.

Well, at the very least he is weird. And controlling.

So, I stand by my first post: run. Now.

Wrt not being desperate for a man: prioritise yourself. Set a time limit, say 3 months, and spend that time doing stuff that makes you feel good about yourself. Learn something new, go on a trip, go after a promotion, volunteer for something that is important to you. Don't look for a man. Don't go on dates (accept phone nrs of promising candidates with a promise of contacting them when your selfimposed inavailabilty is up). Don't flirt, don't simper. Put effort into your female friendships/family relationships. Adopt a snow leopard. Oh my, I could go on...

Stop looking for a man. Any man. Why would you want any man?? You say you crave intimacy, how can you possibly feel that with somebody you have the kind of reservation about that you are describing??

Listen to Marilyn.

And what if he sees this as more than FWB? Things will get tricky.

Have you met his mother? Is there a rocking chair in the attic?

I'm single and quite happy thanks. I would rather stay that way too than have an offal eating axe wielding oddball. Litmus test number 1 - would you introduce him to your friends and your mum??

Words fail me. I'm a single mum and I think you're mad to have someone so dangerous in your life. You should think of the effect on your kids if this crazy man hurts you.

And I'd rather heal up than have sex with one of them too

Yy re the 'testing' that Marilyn describes.

I am single(for 10 days now). I was previously single for 2 years (had a couple of VERY short term 'relationships' in that time, so don't count them.) Despite the fact I said my ex had knives, I still think this guy sounds like a nutter! Ex was perfectly normal in (almost) every other way!

So how to NOT be desperate for a guy?...
remember/learn that you are a strong woman who can be alone. Learn who you really are, when me and the boys Dad split up the 1st time, I learnt so much about who I really am.
To start with it was so hard being alone, but then I realised that I CAN do it, I don't need affection/attention from a man.
Basically it takes time, it is hard but it can be done!
FWIW apparently it takes half the length of a relationship to fully 'get over' somone.

Ditch him SingleMum. Before you are turned into a lampshade :(