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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Do you think he will hurt me?

673 replies

singlemum2012 · 21/05/2012 21:59

I am newly and unexpectedly single, separated for a while but ex-dh only moved out 6 months ago so I am fairly new to dating. Ex-dh was first boyfriend so not very experienced.

Have started seeing this guy. Sex is fantastic, we began the relationship as a friends with benefits thing as he is a bit younger than me and doesn't want kids, fine with me and scratches an itch till I find someone more suitable for long-term. But this guy is a bit of an oddball and has been doing more and more things and I can't figure out whether he is not safe to be around or just messing with me. I only see him on weekends when I don't have my kids, he has never been to my house and does not even know my address.

A couple of times he has hidden behind the bathroom door so when I come out it makes me jump. Another time I was coming out of the bathroom and he was brandishing a hammer. He said he was putting up pictures, and there were pictures on the floor, but he never got around to it and I didn't see any nails, I just had the feeling he was doing it on purpose to scare me. He has cooked for me twice and both times has loaded the meals with as much fat as he possibly can, food fried in stupid amounts of lard, with gold top milk and cream and alcohol added. He told me one of his girlfriends put on two stone in six months when she lived with him. He's skinny and I noticed he ate less than half of his portion. He makes a big deal over the fact that he likes offal, raw meat and black pudding and is a huge attention seeker, when I am with him he is really wearing, he wants my attention all of the time, even keeping me awake most of the night and not letting me sleep. If it wasn't for the fabulous sex I would have run, would like to stay for this but I can't figure out whether he is a harmless attention-seeker pretending to be a dark and dangerous guy or whether he is actually dangerous. He drinks like a fish as well, has no friends (he says), wears black all the time and has decorated his house with weapons (he has good job and own house). He texts me all the time when I am not with him. I feel I don't have enough experience to evaluate him...my head says run but my heart wants the attention / the intimacy / the great sex.

Your opinions please??

OP posts:
Hullygully · 22/05/2012 11:09

Anyway, isn't the main point that you have had your doubts very much verified and you will be a lot more choosy in future...?

Hullygully · 22/05/2012 11:09

Biting hurts a bit though. I wouldn't say it was nothing.

singlemum2012 · 22/05/2012 11:10

Hullygully - yes of course. I texted him this morning to say I wouldn't be seeing him again. He said "I will add you to the list then. Goodbye.". Job done.

OP posts:
SarahStratton · 22/05/2012 11:10

Which of us can say, honestly, that we have never spent an evening or two with a Roaring Barker?

Well, Andy didn't bark. Or roar. But he was a bit of an offal muncher...

realhousewifeofdevoncounty · 22/05/2012 11:11

Valpolicella - Grin at your link. Hemlocks fairly well nourished on his raw meat judging by all the chins!

singlemum2012 · 22/05/2012 11:11

Some people like being hurt. Personally I'm quite a fan of a bit of nibbling. Not into pain though, let me get that straight.

OP posts:
SarahStratton · 22/05/2012 11:11

I will add you to the list then.

What list would that be? I like to keep a list of contents sellotaped to my freezer...

Hullygully · 22/05/2012 11:11

Well done.

And just to reassure you, you really can find someone to have great sex with without the other more worrying elements.

Hullygully · 22/05/2012 11:12

nibbling?

is that like stippling?

singlemum2012 · 22/05/2012 11:12

Thank you Hullygully, I live in hope.

OP posts:
realhousewifeofdevoncounty · 22/05/2012 11:12

I mean HE LOOKS not hemlocks

Hullygully · 22/05/2012 11:12

I liked hemlocks

SarahStratton · 22/05/2012 11:13

Hemlocks didn't seem out of place on this thread though. Confused

fuckarama · 22/05/2012 11:13

Jesus Mary and Joseph, all the Saints and the wee donkey.

In a camper van.

I give up.

OP, all the best with whatever you decide.

I hope you learn to trust your instincts better and use some common sense in future.

I'm out.

Hullygully · 22/05/2012 11:13

quaite

Hullygully · 22/05/2012 11:13

quaite was to Dtratters btw

LineRunner · 22/05/2012 11:17

OP's dumped him, though. Sweet victory is ours.

Tangointhenight · 22/05/2012 11:18

Singlemum you've done the right thing, heres hoping the weirdo gets the hint!

singlemum2012 · 22/05/2012 11:20

Thank you. I find that ignoring any future texts works quite well.

OP posts:
SuePBlovesaDiamondJubilee · 22/05/2012 11:23

Is he the Big Bag Wolef? Because if so he should know it's usual for him to wait for you to comment on what sharp teeth/big eyes he has.

BawdyStrumpet · 22/05/2012 11:32

How did I miss THIS one???

Empusa · 22/05/2012 11:34

"Which of us can say, honestly, that we have never spent an evening or two with a Roaring Barker?"

Quite. One of my exes liked to drink blood - that was an interesting one!

"Is he the Big Bag Wolef? Because if so he should know it's usual for him to wait for you to comment on what sharp teeth/big eyes he has."

Grin
HereIGo · 22/05/2012 11:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

singlemum2012 · 22/05/2012 11:45

Lol, OK!

Seriously, it is a minefield out there in the dating world. I have met alcoholics, control freaks, a guy that wanted me to "cuddle in our PJs" on second date (which did not happen, obv), a guy that dumped me because I refused to sleep with him on fourth date and it took him almost two months to text me with an apology (which I ignored). Amongst this lot, the latest one seems almost sane. Dating sites seem to be a treasure trove of the dysfunctional, but I live in hope of finding a nice one amongst the chaff.

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 22/05/2012 11:54

I have rather a weakness for goth/emo types myself. Most of them are lovely middle-class vegans who would burst into tears and run off if someone tried to have a fight with them.