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Original poster

Do you think he will hurt me?

673 replies

singlemum2012 · 21/05/2012 21:59

I am newly and unexpectedly single, separated for a while but ex-dh only moved out 6 months ago so I am fairly new to dating. Ex-dh was first boyfriend so not very experienced.

Have started seeing this guy. Sex is fantastic, we began the relationship as a friends with benefits thing as he is a bit younger than me and doesn't want kids, fine with me and scratches an itch till I find someone more suitable for long-term. But this guy is a bit of an oddball and has been doing more and more things and I can't figure out whether he is not safe to be around or just messing with me. I only see him on weekends when I don't have my kids, he has never been to my house and does not even know my address.

A couple of times he has hidden behind the bathroom door so when I come out it makes me jump. Another time I was coming out of the bathroom and he was brandishing a hammer. He said he was putting up pictures, and there were pictures on the floor, but he never got around to it and I didn't see any nails, I just had the feeling he was doing it on purpose to scare me. He has cooked for me twice and both times has loaded the meals with as much fat as he possibly can, food fried in stupid amounts of lard, with gold top milk and cream and alcohol added. He told me one of his girlfriends put on two stone in six months when she lived with him. He's skinny and I noticed he ate less than half of his portion. He makes a big deal over the fact that he likes offal, raw meat and black pudding and is a huge attention seeker, when I am with him he is really wearing, he wants my attention all of the time, even keeping me awake most of the night and not letting me sleep. If it wasn't for the fabulous sex I would have run, would like to stay for this but I can't figure out whether he is a harmless attention-seeker pretending to be a dark and dangerous guy or whether he is actually dangerous. He drinks like a fish as well, has no friends (he says), wears black all the time and has decorated his house with weapons (he has good job and own house). He texts me all the time when I am not with him. I feel I don't have enough experience to evaluate him...my head says run but my heart wants the attention / the intimacy / the great sex.

Your opinions please??

OP posts:
fuckarama · 22/05/2012 09:51

I thought you said you were already going to the police?

fuckarama · 22/05/2012 09:52

And you'd already phoned them?

Original poster
singlemum2012 · 22/05/2012 09:53

I phoned them and they said that for sarah's law you have to physically come into the station to show id that you are who you say you are, they can't give you info on someone over the phone. I was going to go in later.

I would have thought that serial killers would be trying to hide it not flaunt it though. The fact he is so attention-seeking makes me think he is just a sad and lonely person.

OP posts:
HokeyCokeyPigInaPokey · 22/05/2012 09:54

I have to stop reading this thread now, thanks op it's been fun but seriously you're going to make my brain leak out of my ears if i carry on reading.

MustControlFistOfDeath · 22/05/2012 09:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

fuckarama · 22/05/2012 09:55

You need to do a lot more than that for "Sarah's law" as you call it.

Did you speak to an actual police officer?

Nyac · 22/05/2012 09:55

The options aren't 1) he's harmless, keep him as your boyfriend or 2) he must have committed a crime so you need to report him to the police.

There's a middle ground of seriously dodgy behaviour that you treat as a red flag, and stay the hell away from him.

Can't believe I'm getting sucked in again.

HokeyCokeyPigInaPokey · 22/05/2012 09:56
WenTheEternallySurprised · 22/05/2012 09:56

Oh c'mon. It's wearing a bit thin now.

"Hey Mr Policeman, I have a funny feeling about this guy, he spooks me with hammers as I come out of the bathroom, has a samurai display on his wall and eats bloodied steaks while wearing black."

"Evenin' all. I'll get straight in my panda car and come and arrest him for ... for .... for bad taste in decor and a stupid sense of humour".

BTW, does this guy of yours have a beard and tattoos?

Original poster
singlemum2012 · 22/05/2012 09:57

Fine, I won't go into the station then.

No he doesn't.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 22/05/2012 09:59

Nobody is saying "He's definitely a serial killer"

People are saying that he displays some worrying traits, which could be a sign that he's dangerous in some way. Whether that danger is that he might like a bit of hardcore S&M, or he gets a kick out of scaring you, or he likes to know his women are under control, or he's going to turn into a full scale abuser and/or potential murderer, isn't really relevant - none of those things would be nice if they happened to you.

He might just be a weirdo, but since he's showing some signs which point to a risk of the above, why chance it?

fuckarama · 22/05/2012 10:00

Why can't you just walk away?

like I seem incapable of doing to this thread

And seriously, do some work on your self esteem issues.

Original poster
singlemum2012 · 22/05/2012 10:00

BertieBotts thank you for treating me with some respect. I've said on this thread a couple of times now that obv I will not be seeing him again, you've all answered my question and I've listened. Thank you.

OP posts:
WenTheEternallySurprised · 22/05/2012 10:01

"I phoned them and they said that for sarah's law you have to physically come into the station to show id that you are who you say you are, they can't give you info on someone over the phone. I was going to go in later."

Did they really? Just like that eh? You turn up with ID and hey presto, they find someone to help you straight away.

I'm a copper's widow. My DH passed away before "Sarah's Law" came into force but I still keep in touch with his still serving officer friends.

Need I say more?

TBH, funny as this started out to be, this is all becoming a little distasteful.

Original poster
singlemum2012 · 22/05/2012 10:02

Yes they did. I spoke to an officer this morning. You call 101 for your local police service and I was put through to the enquiry desk. Perhaps he was not aware that the process was not straightforward?

I'm not kidding, this guy is for real.

OP posts:
Original poster
singlemum2012 · 22/05/2012 10:04

But clearly I have been given the wrong advice and judging by comments on here it sounds like I don't need to do that. That's fine. I've never been in this situation before, what do I know?

OP posts:
relativity · 22/05/2012 10:07

OP, I am sorry you have had a hard time from some posters on the thread. I have no doubt you are genuinely seeking a second opinion - some people find it hard to make sound judgments and they know it. I honestly don't understand why some posters jump on that because in the end that will nullify MN as a place to get support. I agree with Bertie Botts that this guy might just be odd, but why persevere when you have had only 2 dates? I personally would not feel comfortable with anybody who decorated his house with weapons. Find somebody else Smile there are some good men out there, but being single is better than being with some men.

fishandlilacs · 22/05/2012 10:07

He's so so similar sounding to someone I know of called Colin...

My friend went out with him, she woke up one day to find him standing in the corner of her bedroom with a knife, he had broken in...He claims he was protecting her.

Nutter.

Original poster
singlemum2012 · 22/05/2012 10:13

Thank you relativity.

OP posts:
AnAirOfHope · 22/05/2012 10:25

How old is this guy?

SarahStratton · 22/05/2012 10:29

BTW, does this guy of yours have a beard and tattoos?

No, but he does have pointy teeth and odd eyes. Grin

WenTheEternallySurprised · 22/05/2012 10:32

Grin @ Sarah

valpollicella · 22/05/2012 10:34

Sarah, maybe it's this guy

ChickensHaveNoLips · 22/05/2012 10:37

Brilliant. You have just made me burn my lemon short bread. I hope you're all happy Angry

MissFaversham · 22/05/2012 10:38

OP I had a few dates with a bloke a few years ago and one night he invited me round to his house for dinner. I walked in and there in front of my eyes was a HUGE picture of Hitler. That was enough for me and I was out of there in a flash. Numbers blocked/deleted.

Sweetheart it takes allsorts but do yourself a favour and throw this one back in the bag, seal it and throw it in the bin.