Startingagain trying to move forward, without nightmare EXP

[startingagain88]

New thread for my ongoing journey of trying to detached from my nightmare, exp while trying to hold on to my sanity :(

Old thread here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1437647-Starting-Again-Moving-Forward-Onwards-and-Upwards

Don't fret - it's nothing more than scare tactics and only to be expected from a piece of gobshite whose true colours are blacker than the night.

Well, you knew it was coming, but that doesn't make it any the less infuriating.

At least it'll have completely annihilated every last vestige of fondness you might have been harbouring in the deep recesses. We all hate him, too.

All you can do is trust in Collaborate and put yourself in his hands (metaphorically - I seem to remember he's married!).

I know when you're embroiled in this sort of dispute it can dominate your life - try not to let it undermine your new-found optimism.

Chin up, lovely girl xx

Legally, how much of a chance does he have of getting half? Serious question by the way.

Even though you're not married, is he not entitled to half?

Not suggesting he should get half, or anything for that matter, the great big toss face, but I'm just worried that he might actually screw you over and if that happens I hope he contracts a disease where a thousand scorpions ravage his testicles until he dies of actual pain. (coolest disease ever, no?)

Good Luck.

What an idiot. At least, you have your assets, you have a job, let the lawyer get on with it. Your ex needs to provide evidence to support this claim. Your evidence is the lack of documentation stating he has any ownership, and your deeds that dont mention him.

Do you guys really think so? This is all scare tactics? What an evil bastard!! Again he is trying to bully and manipulate me into giving me money......he has tried everything else, now its the legal route! :(

THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU!

sorry to shout honey but, really, this guy is showing his true colours. It is a shock for you, of course, I am so sorry you have to see what he's really like in technicolour. All he wants is the money - it is his main aim, he is blind to everything else, completely one track. It is not personal (believe it or not). Try not to take it personally.

You're having to go through this in one horrid, horrid tranche. But tbh a lot of women whose men have cheated on them dragged it out for a long time, which is much more painful because it takes so long to get to the truth. Actually, it's all painful but this guy is throwing open the doors so you see exactly what is there, nothing hidden.

Are you still seeing your counsellor? s/he will go a long way to helping you to keep your self-esteem intact in the face of this horrible onslaught from someone you genuinely thought you could trust. Your trust has turned out to be unfounded but THAT'S BECAUSE OF HIM, NOT YOU. ((hug))

I thought this might happen as he's a desperate man and this is just the next step along the way - getting nasty.

He really is horrible.

Do not let him bring you down further Starting - no more!
Time to get angry - ask the legal people on here who know what they are talking about and get the best legal help possible.

Well you can give lots of oral evidence as to what a lying cheating untrustworthy little shit he is!

If it comes down to his word against yours there is no contest!!

Just grind his greasy bearded face into the dust Starting. We'll all help you!

Actually, to save money, you could even just reply to his solicitors letters yourself and say he will have to pursue this in court as you find his attempts to get assets that he never had any ownership over laughable.

You might not even need to involve any lawyer now.

You could also post in Legal here and get some advice.

I lived with my ex for 11 years, we had a child together, he was an abusive arse and I was forced to leave but I wasn't entitled to a penny, not half his house, one of his cars, nothing! Don't worry, stay calm, it is scare tactics.

You are doing great, you know?

Hi starting.

I am so sorry to hear that once again he has behaved like an utter prick.

Please don't panic though. Remember that his solicitor will basically do whatever twunt instructs him to do - it doesn't mean he's got a case. It's no skin off the solicitor's nose to send out claims like this, knowing they have no basis in reality, because the solicitor will get paid, regardless of outcome.

Him claiming that you promised him X means jack shit - what counts is what's on paper. If the paper records didn't count, then no one would ever have contracts/deeds etc. All agreements would be verbal.

He may claim that you promised him the world, but you say you didn't - his word against yours. The onus is on him to prove it. He can't claim half your property on a totally unsubstantiated claim, otherwise we would all be able to go around making claims against people who have something we want.

You have evidence about the unfinished state of the house and it's current value.

As for the credit card - the whole point of a main card holder is that they knowingly accept responsibility for the card. The second card holder is entitled to no info regarding the account unless the main holder gives consent and has no liability for it. He is chancing his arm here.

I bet his solicitor has said words to the effect of 'scare the shit out of starting by asking for the moon and she might, out of panic and to make you go away, offer you something'. Don't play into his hands - make the fucker dig deep and pay for his legal 'case'.

So sorry, once again. You truly deserve better.

sideburns - Starting posted on the legal boards ages ago - and found the solicitor she is actually using on there.

Believe, he is not on the deeds or mortgage of the properties and came to the relationship with nothing, i had inheritance money from my parents. i earned the majority of the income over the years and all of it for the last four/five until he started his business approx eight months ago, we drew very lttle from his business as he wasnt earning enough i had to support us most of the time with my savings. He has done work on the properties, but he was not bringing in an income at the time.

There was never a intention for him to have a share in my assets, thats why i kept them separate he knew this.

The last couple of posts sound more positive Starting re: his 'claim!'

Good luck - stay strong.

He is a miserable little scrote!

But why wouldn't he be entitled to something? Unmarried people divorce and get a settlement? Even if a house is not in joint names, the other party gets something?

Genuinely curious as to why people are so sure he won't get what he wants.

Cross posts, sorry. I see. But still, you hear about women getting settlements despite not actually contributing, working etc.

Hopefully an aggressive solicitor's letter will make him piss off.

Glad you're using Collaborate... I would have trusted him as well!

I think you probably know deep down he has no legal claim! You're worried and upset because a)the man you loved has resorted to this and b)you are a lovely person and worry that you really are being a bit unfair to take everything away from him.

The facts are that he has been sponging off you for years. You have enabled a very nice life style for him. That has all come to an end, due to his own doing, and he now has to survive on his own. And he doesn't know how.

He IS living on a different planet at the moment, he can't see reality any more. Unfortunately for him the UK legal system doesn't change every time someone has an affair or mid life crisis. He IS trying to scare you, and will soon realise he doesn't have a hope (or enough money) to keep going with this so will back away with his tail between his legs.

Stand firm Starting! This won't be pleasant for you but you WILL come through it!

And you soon will have a new job, loads of new friends and will look back on all this and think "phew"!

Unmarried people don't divorce - how can they? They are not married. I think you mean separate.

And see Timeforme's post ^^

What will happen when he runs out of money for paying his solicitor? Will he just give up or threaten starting in person? (Sorry to talk about you as though you are not hear starting, but many people here seem to have his measure, and forewarned is forearmed).

Just found this on Lawontheweb.co.uk

Unlike married couples, unmarried couples have no basic rights to their partner's property or to maintenance if they split up. Basically what is his is his, what is hers is hers, and what is jointly-owned needs to be divided.

This applies to the home as well. Therefore if a house is bought in joint names (either as beneficial joint tenants, or as tenants-in-common - scroll down more info on these terms) then it should be split accordingly on separation, and either party can force a sale of the property to realise their share.
If the parties are contributing unequally to the purchase price, or to payments on the property, then this should be reflected by being designated as tenants-in-common and holding unequal shareholdings (say 70% and 30%), rather than the equal shareholdings of beneficial joint tenants.
If the property is in the sole name of one party then basically it remains that person's property on separation, unless the other party can establish that there was a common intention that they would be entitled to a share in the property. How do they do this? Here are a few examples:
It may have been agreed in a simple conversation (proving it tends to be the problem!), or in writing between the parties at some time
*The other party has directly contributed to the purchase price the courts are likely to accept that at least part of the property should have been in their name
There has been an "understanding" between the parties and the non-owner has acted to their detriment as a result (e.g. contributed to mortgage repayments, paid household bills, or, perhaps, sold their own property) then the courts may agree they should share in the property.

He is trying to scare me into making an 'offer' i know, he's not getting a penny out of me which he doesnt have to fight tooth and nail for, he has had enough over the years, he knows he is lying, the wanker!!

He can go out and earn his own money, he has the tools to do so, and the van I PAID FOR!

Springy you are right, in a way this has done me a favour because i f**king hate him now, he knew my mum and dad and he wants to take my inheritance and everything i have worked for from me after breaking my heart what a git, he rode on my coattails all these years, and now he has chosen to get off the gravy train, he wants to take the gravy with him!

He has no morals, no dignity, no self respect, I hope he and his lovely OW will be very happy, they deserve each other!

Starting, he and his solicitor are trying to scare you. He's hoping that you are scared and lonely and will cave in and give him what he wants, dont, stand firm and get your solicitor to tell him to fuck off (but in legal terms).

Don;t worry too much about the sols letter -we get letters from solicitors at work all the time,mostly claiming stuff we know to be untrue. Even I (a lowly accounts clerk) know that most of what they claim is rubbbish in law

Believeinpink - why would he be entitled to anything? If he'd contributed to the value of the house, the household bills etc then maybe, but he didn;t. He lived off Starting for years, did the bare minimum DIY, and took a car/van/money for his business from her. He owes her, imo.

he's not getting a penny out of me which he doesnt have to fight tooth and nail for, he has had enough over the years,

Just keep repeating that and don't back down!

If you waver just post on here!

(Cheering loudly from the sidelines!)

Let collaborate do his job for you.

You know you exp only wants money.

As for his credit card bill have you used it since he left. If you have you may have to pay for those bits.