Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Startingagain trying to move forward, without nightmare EXP

782 replies

startingagain88 · 15/05/2012 14:46

New thread for my ongoing journey of trying to detached from my nightmare, exp while trying to hold on to my sanity :(

Old thread here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1437647-Starting-Again-Moving-Forward-Onwards-and-Upwards

OP posts:
giagindi · 22/05/2012 12:53

Yes I would love to be a fly on the wall if Collaborate sent a letter counter claiming for everything you actually gave him Starting!!!!

startingagain88 · 22/05/2012 12:54

Where, No i haven't used that credit card for a long long time, probably years in fact!

OP posts:
izzyizin · 22/05/2012 12:55

You've got a camper van in your garage? No wonder he wanted to move into such a comfy billet from which to play his violin worm his way back into your affections.

Of course it's scare tactics - he's failed to jerk your chain in any other way. In the absence of any documentation to substantiate his assertions, he hasn't got a legal leg to stand on and this latest salvo is merely more of his tiresome bluff and bluster which you have become increasingly familiar with of late.

There's no need to panic, no need to rush to reply, and absolutely no need to consider making him any offer whatsoever except of the 'bring it on, see you in Court' variety after nit picking protracted correspondence has racked up his legal costs.

In the highly improbable event that he'll be found giving oral evidence against you in a court of law, I'll alert the press and hire a charabanc for mumsnetters to jeer cheer his arrival at, and/or departure from, court with a rotten fruit and egg salad.

On the strength of this I suspect he's back with the ow, who'll be eagerly planning how to spend your money, and I wouldn't be surprised if you receive more texts from Ms Sleazylay her in the near future.

Wrongbow · 22/05/2012 12:56

We will all be behind you all the way!

Hopefully as Thermalsocks says he will run out of money to pay the solicitor soon and then he will have to give up.

Wrongbow · 22/05/2012 12:58

In the highly improbable event that he'll be found giving oral evidence against you in a court of law, I'll alert the press and hire a charabanc for mumsnetters to jeer cheer his arrival at, and/or departure from, court with a rotten fruit and egg salad.

love it izzy - I'll be there :o

startingagain88 · 22/05/2012 12:58

I just cant believe that he feels like he is entitled to half of everything, like if we were married or if we owned everything jointly, that is simply not the case.

He also KNOWS that i never promised him a share of anything, that is why i was so reluctant to get married, I wanted to protect my assets, i was open with him about that.

OP posts:
Wrongbow · 22/05/2012 13:00

He doesn't feel he is entitled Starting, he knows he isn't - he is just trying his luck because he is a greedy, selfish, lazy, heartless fuckwit.

bamboobutton · 22/05/2012 13:00

been following your thread but never posted as i have no useful advice to offer. i am amazed at how you're doing!

only legal thing i can see that might cause problems is if he decides to try and claim back money/time/whatever for the work he did on the house.
my bil did a similar thing to his ex, i can't remember exactly what the outcome was but i think he agreed to settle out of court.

does he have paperwork, bills etc that might be used to get money that way?

startingagain88 · 22/05/2012 13:00

Izzy Grin love it!! That would be brillant!

OP posts:
wheredidiputit · 22/05/2012 13:02

Right let collaborate deal with him and you concentrate on your new life.

Are you ready for starting work next week. Do you need anything.

Are you going out again with your sailing friend, it nice and sunny here can you go and enjoy the nice weather.

startingagain88 · 22/05/2012 13:05

Bamboo, he did do work on the house, but it is not finished, in fact its a s**thole at the moment!... while he was doing this work he wasnt 'working' outside the home IYSWIM, he wasnt bringing in a income. My solicitor advises me that as he was doing this work in return for his food, drink, BEER, rent, Credit Card, Car Payments, Holidays etc that it would hard for him to say that he thought he was doing it for a share in the house, as he was doing it in return for his 'keep' if you like.

OP posts:
springydaffs · 22/05/2012 13:07

His lack of claim is laughable here. There is no point at all that he has a claim on any level. You haven't even used the credit card and if he claims for the hours he's spent doing up the house that'll be about ooo 2? 3?

It is very unusual when one gets into a legal wrangle for there to be no grey areas - but it really does look like there really are none Starting. Gosh!

Count me in/on that charabanc

Thermalsocks · 22/05/2012 13:14

In cases like this, if they do get to court, don't they call on character witnesses?

Who would he use --- his mate from down the pub, scaggy OW?

You could call on ex employers, senior colleagues.
No contest.

I hope he is back with OW as she will only drag him further down and their life together sounded like hell.

This will probably turn out to be the best thing that he could have done to you!

Thermalsocks · 22/05/2012 13:17

Oooh yes, put me down for the chara trip as well.
I'll bring the flour!

fedupofnamechanging · 22/05/2012 13:20

I would be very tempted to proceed really slowly with this - the longer it takes, the more money he has to pay out. But I understand you will probably want this over and done with asap. Ask your solicitor if it is worth you ending him a shit scary letter asking for your van back etc.

oldwomaninashoe · 22/05/2012 13:21

Perhaps he paid for the tatoo with the credit card!

startingagain88 · 22/05/2012 13:29

Oh yes the classy tattoo, i keep forgetting about that! Ahh true love [boak]

OP posts:
MushroomSoup · 22/05/2012 13:36

I agree that this is just scare tactics. When I split from my ExH, he asked me to pay my share of the bills which I thought perfectly reasonable. He gave me the phone bill which was nearly £500 for one month!! It was usually about £30. There were hundreds and hundreds of itemised phone calls, all made after I'd moved out. Obviously I passed it back to him and wouldn't pay as it wasn't my bill. He tried to insist, even through his solicitor, that I was still responsible for the bill because it was my fault he'd had to ring everybody in our address book (including my college friends from 10 years before) to tell them what a fucking bitch I was!!!

springydaffs · 22/05/2012 13:43

mushroom you just coulnd't make it up eh

izzyizin · 22/05/2012 13:43

that is why i was so reluctant to get married, I wanted to protect my assets

This says it all, doesn't it? If you'd had any other intention you'd have married or have put it in writing... let's see him argue that one.

The fact that you had your head screwed on right suggests that either you consciously or subconsciously knew that he was a taker and not a giver, or that your dm has been watching over you throughout.

izzyizin · 22/05/2012 13:48

His boakworthy trampstamp tasteful tattoo can be used as evidence of his intentions towards you

I have a particular reason for asking... was the happy couple's recent 5* break in or out of the UK?

KirstyWirsty · 22/05/2012 13:48

Hey Starting sounds like you are getting some good advice from Collaborate

I can't believe that your XP has sunk so low .. he really is a worm isn't he??

I'd love to see his face (and his lawyers bill) when he finds out he's entitled to sweet FA! Grin

startingagain88 · 22/05/2012 13:51

Izzy, it was out of the UK, Dublin to be exact.

OP posts:
startingagain88 · 22/05/2012 13:51

Thanks Kirsty, i know :) what a tosser!

OP posts:
Mogyzogwon · 22/05/2012 13:59

I'm pretty sure he has no claim at all and would suggest your solicitor write back to him dismissing his fanciful claim as having no merit whatsoever and to fuck off.

I would also up the ante in that letter to his solicitor by asking him to get his client to return the van and the Merc to you immediately as you have paid for them and consider them to be your property. If he wants to dispute this, then more costs will be involved.

The sooner you drain his finances the better. No solicitor is going to work for this scumbag or anybody else on credit especially when he gets some inkling that thiscocklodging scrounger hasn't got a pot to piss in.

Stay brave, everything will work out fine.

I'll be on that chara too. Can't wait!!