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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Startingagain trying to move forward, without nightmare EXP

782 replies

startingagain88 · 15/05/2012 14:46

New thread for my ongoing journey of trying to detached from my nightmare, exp while trying to hold on to my sanity :(

Old thread here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1437647-Starting-Again-Moving-Forward-Onwards-and-Upwards

OP posts:
TubbyDuffs · 23/07/2012 20:03

Have read this thread and the previous one today, and have to say it has been a rollercoaster. Kept thinking you were going to cave in and get back with the twunt, and then (thank God) you didn't!

Phew!!!

You sound absolutely amazing. You are getting on with the life you deserve to lead.

You might love this bastard until your dying day, but unfortunately he doesn't love or respect you, and you must remember that. He is a bastard of the highest order.

I think that both of them are in on trying to fleece you and you would be well to never ever answer the phone to him or engage with him again. Let everything be done through a solicitor.

Please stay strong, you really are an inspiration. x

springydaffs · 23/07/2012 21:33

hmmm.

well, I can't help thinking that revenge is a dish best served cold when you don't care any more . what ever you do honey, nothing will be as bad as the car crash that is waiting to happen with those two.

I'd be tempted to keep him sweet tbh so that he's not aggressively in your face like he was last time re if you make it clear his number is up, he might go back to being vile. I wouldn't lightly bring that on iiwy. I genuinely think you're out of the woods now (well done!) and I'd just collect those bits of info as and when - they may come in handy at some stage. tbh, he's keeping you sweet and two can play at that. Play the long game?

I'm sorry it's come to this sweetie, but you do seem to be in a good place and you have come such a long way. well done.

really sorry to hear about your poor head (aww). Have you got anyone to keep an eye on you? nasty bash to the head, best you look after yourself a bit in the next few days eh

Helltotheno · 23/07/2012 21:45

they may come in handy at some stage. tbh, he's keeping you sweet and two can play at that

Yes but the end result could be him losing his rag again no matter what way she plays it, don't you think? That's why imo she's better making it very clear to him that if comes near her/contacts her/in any way disrupts her life again, there will be consequences. This guy is not your friend any more, he's not in your camp, he's your enemy, and in your position, I'd be taking every measure to protect myself. Hence the comments from people about how you still seem to be so involved in his life.
These two are against you and are plotting and planning to take everything you own. I just don't agree with any plan that involves keeping him sweet.

Cathynclaire · 24/07/2012 12:26

Well, 'the man' obviously did not get as far as kissing the Blarney stone - all he spouts is shit.

Is divorce legal in Eire - she's stuck with him if it isn't - that's your revenge!!

Midwife99 · 24/07/2012 16:58

You sound do strong now love but avoid further involvement other than to reply ONCE if & when he contacts you again to say you know he went to Dublin & he's a liar & if he ever contacts you again you will prosecute him for harassment.

only4tonight · 24/07/2012 19:07

I cannot believe I missed all of this! He is a determined deceitful sod isn't he

RoxyRobin · 24/07/2012 21:46

Wondered where you'd got to o4t - thought you must have been made CEO after all and were too busy getting the economy on its feet!

Isn't he just - if only he'd put as much enterprise and effort into doing an honest job he'd be on his way to his first million.

only4tonight · 24/07/2012 22:44

Tee he you couldn't be further from the very boring truth. Truth is I have been keeping an eye on the active conversations list and this slipped off (am also doing some work at the Olympics so its all very busy (and when I stop worrying about stuff its exciting). This is the first time I have said anything about the Olympics on line and even that makes me nervous so the thought of CEO would have me running to the hills!

RoxyRobin · 24/07/2012 23:52

How thrilling! You'll have to keep us posted with any insider gossip.

only4tonight · 25/07/2012 00:50

Oh I am very much on the outside! No inside info here.....

It is exciting to be part of it though.

Catkinsthecatinthehat · 25/07/2012 09:11

Please be careful. He's shown himself to be a nasty piece of work. If he is married and believes he is just stringing you along for money, he's demonstrated how vicious he is. Previous behaviour has shown him to be completely callous (abusing you by text etc), and physically threatening (forcing his way into your home).

You've had coffee together (am I the only one who thinks it wasn't 'luck' that he ran into you in that shop?) and you've given him the impression you'd be happy to meet for lunch when trying to find out if he was in the UK that weekend. As far as he's concerned he's still in with a chance.

Just forward that Dublin email, say you hope you had a nice time with her that weekend, and detach. Don't worry whether he's married or not - he's not your problem any more. Don't give him head space.

It would be great to confront him with the evidence of his duplicity and see him slink away with tail between his legs, but he could attack you or ratchet up the abuse.

PooPooInMyToes · 25/07/2012 09:22

Bloody hell! I can't believe the cheek of the Dublin/France thing! Lying fucker. I don't know how you have resisted telling him you know.

Only4theOlympics · 26/07/2012 19:37

This is the only thread where people know me so can I just say "check the name change". - excited!

Midwife99 · 26/07/2012 20:02

Oooohhhh!!!!!

KirstyWirsty · 26/07/2012 20:07

Is that you Starting???

Only4theOlympics · 26/07/2012 21:53

No its only4tonight I didn't venture too far lol

Midwife99 · 26/07/2012 21:57

Ahhhhh get it now! Lol

KirstyWirsty · 26/07/2012 22:43

Ah.. I feel a bit dumb now Only it makes sense now :-) x

Only4theOlympics · 31/07/2012 19:24

Been quiet in here. Hope that's a good sign x

KirstyWirsty · 01/08/2012 22:51

Yes Only I hope Starting is doing well and moving on with her life x

springydaffs · 04/08/2012 13:35

It looks like it, doesn't it? RESULT! Smile Smile

Starting, if you are around at some point, there's another thread going on a similar tack (it's so depressing that there are men like this about Sad ). You may be able to give her a helping hand/word or two.

Only4theOlympics · 10/08/2012 11:01

Hey starting. I can't see the Olympic sailing without thinking about you. How is it going x

startingagain88 · 21/08/2012 07:01

Morning ladies,

Ive so busy with a project at work and trying to make the best of the nice weather that i havent been updating on here much, but i am very low this morning.......

Arsewipe has been contacting me from his new number, his other phone was cut off, saying how sorry he is about everything etc and that he wants to be friends.... I stupidly agreed to meet with him for a drink , as he seemed to be getting himself together, but then he starts saying that he is really struggling for money as a customer hasn't paid and is having to redo a part of the job. So i state the obvious its not really my problem etc, then i get a tirade of a abuse, im a c*t, a controlling bastard, i want it all my way, a finger pointing in my face, basically had to get up from the chair and leave tears streaming down my face, and when i looked back he mouthed fk off you c*t. I was in bits.

He has recently moved into a small house, which he rents alone and i was under the impression things were ok for him, and he was turning his live around a bit, the OW is out of the picture for the moment (i dont know how long that will last) but he looked desperate last night that same look he had when he came round the house, climbing the fence demanding money.

Since i got back there have been a string of texts between us, i never normally engage like that but i was so upset i did, i said a few nasty things about him and the OW but nothing horrible, but he said to me 'I will never forget that you wouldn't help me and wont let you get away with it' now he probably doesn't mean it but i feel really scared by that and haven't been able to sleep all night.

Its my fault i know, but i just needed to know that im not alone xxx

OP posts:
startingagain88 · 21/08/2012 07:04

What i dont understand is he only moved into his rental place a few weeks ago and was talking about 'taking me on holiday- to say sorry' - of course i said no! How can he go from that to this in a matter of weeks???

OP posts:
startingagain88 · 21/08/2012 07:09

Springydaffs, I'll read through Lou's thread, its looks awful just from the first paragraph... There are so many of these bastards about, the way they treat people like crap and walk away without looking back is unbelievable to me, such cruelty. :(

OP posts: