Startingagain trying to move forward, without nightmare EXP

[startingagain88]

New thread for my ongoing journey of trying to detached from my nightmare, exp while trying to hold on to my sanity :(

Old thread here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1437647-Starting-Again-Moving-Forward-Onwards-and-Upwards

Cenicieta, i KNOW but it felt really good to have concrete proof that he is lying through his teeth which he cant deny!! i thought it might be fun!! :) surely i desrve a little a fun?

Sugarice- i know hes got a job on at the moment so he probably used money from that!, he was definitely in Dublin not France- he wouldn't tell me Dublin because he knows that i would know what he would be doing there and with whom! :)

I wouldn't be able to resist! I would definitely let him know that you know. Stupid arse!

Read hitting your head on an open window for the sign it is... someone up there is trying to knock some sense into you and tell you that, after a little bloodletting at your kitchen table, you should make yourself free to go through that window in your shiny bright new future - and close it firmly behind you.

Enough is enough. You know him for what he is and now it's time to tell him that hell will freeze over before you'd fall victim to any more of his cynical attempts to exploit you either financially or in any other way.

As for his lovey dovey texts; it's glaringly obvious the ow's been in on the plan all along and I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't write some of his loving missives.

Have fun telling him that his game's well and truly up - and once you've amused yourself with him for the last time, look to have fun every day whether you're on your own or hanging out with the new friends you've made and the ones you're going to be making.

Hmm tricky... on one hand letting him know you know might make him finally fuck off with the begging and pleading, but on the other hand it might make him turn nasty again. Depends whether you want to risk him climbing over your wall again just for the sake of a bit of fun! Must be mega tempting though :o

Didn't he say he'd sign a doc to say he had no right to you're assets? Call his bluff. While he thinks he's in with a chance.

Tough one tarting, like you I would be very tempted to have some fun. Can you forward his email re the Dublin flights to him with a message that you are not prepared to "accept" the emails any longer, especially ones not related to his business, also pleas cease texting me with nonsense as you are not interested any more.

I am of the opinion that he wants back with you so he can get his hands on your money, then beat a hasty retreat back to OW with the spoils. I have a friend who was "played" by her errant husband in a similar way and when he had got want he wanted went back to OW!

Tarting???
Sorry Starting

Don't do anything.

A week ago you were deep in the throes of shall I take him back again, maybe he does love me, he is better than being alone.

What was he doing at the same time as luring your money you back? He was planning a weekend away with OW. They may even be actually married now!

Get his numbers blocked. Not just deleted blocked!!

Do not reply to any of his texts, leave him wondering.

Having said that I would be soooooo very tempted to lead him up the path a little. I totally understand how you feel. God this man is as thick as pig shit, how did you put up with him for so many years!!?!?!

Wow, what an actor that man is. A serious loss to the stage. If only he'd decided to be an honest thespian instead of using his considerable skill to deceive innocent female houseowners he'd be in line for a knighthood by now.

Just think, if only you got back together with this delightful soul you could let him buy you coffee with your own money instead of his mum's. What a cheering prospect. He may even borrow money from you so he can buy you flowers unless he stops by at the pub first. How could you turn down such an opportunity?

Sorry about your head btw, hope it isn't too sore

I seem to recall that Xales and I have been on the same page with regard to a possible marriage.

Did you check with your local Registry Office to see if they'd married in the week or so leading up to their 5* trip to Dublin? My little google search revealed the fact that excluding special licence, 6 weeks' notice is required for marriages in England/Wales and 12 weeks in Eire.

It's my understanding that in Eire both parties are required to attend to give noice of their intention to marry and, in the absence of any nuptials having taken place in your locality, I'm wondering whether the 5* star break was for the purpose of giving notice - in which case the infamous tramp stamp could be regarded as being by way of an engagement ring.

How many weeks have elapsed since they last visited Dublin?

O come on Annie He's a crap actor; he can't stay in role for longer than 5 minutes

He'd struggle as a bit part player whose only line is to mouth 'rhubarb' in a crowd of extras, and he's no loss to the profession whatsoever.

I think we can safely say that Messrs deNiro, Depp, Pitt, diCaprio et all can sleep easy 'cos daTwunto is unlikely to be getting his mitts on any Oscars in this lifetime

Honey you're being a bit naive here. Sure, send her on his texts.. it doesn't make a blind bit of difference to her because she probably wrote them , and sending them on to her will therefore only make you look like a tit - the only one not in on the plan in other words.

Have some respect for yourself here. These people are now involved, more than likely married or about to, and just trying to get one more go at taking everything you own. Know that you are still vulnerable right now, even if you might not think you are.

I can't help thinking you didn't change the email situation because you still can't bear not to have some attachment to him/are holding on to the hope that all this will go away and things will go back to how they were/pure nosiness... I don't know but I think if you were serious about actually brutally cutting this man out of your life, you'd have done so already.

How much more proof do you need?

If you must do/say something why don't you just tell him to remove the business emails forwarding to your email as you are no longer involved in his business and leave it at that.

Surely he has enough braincells to workout from that to know that you know he is going to Dublin and not France. Then block/delete his number and sent his email to a junk folder.

Sorry about your head, hope your ok.

I have to agree with everyone honey - stop engaging, stop playing his games & delete & block him & ow!!

You girls are wonderful!! and lovely ( Im getting all soppy, must be the bump on the head :) )!!

I'm fine tough as old boots!- Ive be clearing out the rest of the crap from the workshop/garage- ill need a skip at this rate!- I like to draw and want to take up pottery so i have thinking about turning it into a little studio for me!!

I think you girls are right ..... as tempting as it may be i think its best just to keep schum and let him get on with it- ive got nothing to gain by saying anything.

Izzy, you wont believe this but ive counted the weeks since they last went out there it was exactly 12 weeks last week..... coincidence?? Lol :) im going to give the marriages and deaths office in Dublin a call tomorrow, i spoke to them last time and they said it would cost 5 euro to do a search i have to fill in a form etc...is it worth it? Maybe not- its not really any of my business now- but i think you mentioned that it might be good to put forward as a show of his character if he takes up his case against me again- will it help??

If they have married i really feel sorry for the OW i mean that.... im sure she wont like it when she is on the receiving end of what he has done to me and he will do it to her just give it time...... :)

I imagine the Irish GRO is run pretty much on the same lines as that for England/Wales in that it takes time for copy marriage certificates to be sent to them and collated before being made available for searches etc.

It occurs to me that another mumsnetter may work in the offices may have a better idea of how their system works and I suggest you save your 5e for a couple of months.

Did you check with your local Registry Office to see whether banns had been called?

Starting, your last post sounds so much more positive and making plans for your own happy future is brilliant! Put arsewipe and slapper in a box at the back of your mind and close it for good. How are the plans for Christmas in Oz going?

Well done Sherlock!
Wow! He never fails to disappoint does he?
Just in the nick of time, as you are weakening, in he jumps with both feet and shows his true colours!

Like you I would have been sorely tempted to scupper his relationship with OW by forwarding on the texts but there really is no point as no doubt she is in on the plot anyway.

Besides I think they will manage to do a good job of scuppering it themselves. Just leave them to it two volatile, deceitful, lying, drunken cheats - a match made in heaven!

Yes I think it is definitely worth checking on the marriage. Any nugget of information re his character and deceit must be useful if your case goes to court. Besides I couldn't resist knowing and having that little piece of info tucked away just in case!

It will no doubt still come as a blow to you but surely must be the final nail in the coffin of your relationship.

Your weekend sounds lovely. Pity it had to come to such a dramatic end.
No good ever comes from washing windows!!

Not in the Uk no i didnt get round to it, wouldn't they have a record in Ireland of the application for the marriage IYKWIM, they have to fill in a form pay money etc.... it just seems too much of a coincidence that exactly 12 weeks after they first went they have gone again......hmmm!!

He actually told me that the reason they didn't get married the first visit was because they didn't know you have to give notice and an argument followed on from that, hes got that stupid tattoo..... he told me he bought her a wedding ring over there.....they are hitched aren't they??? After what you have said Izzy and knowing they were going to do it before- im 80% certain their married, and hes telling me he doesnt talk to her and hates her! TWAT

Sugar, ive had an invite thats as far as it goes at the moment- i hope it materialises although xmas at home with a roast dinner for one doesnt sound too bad! No turkey to cook- bloody bootiful! :)

Thermal, im very tempted to check, i dont think i can resist TBH, your comment about no good coming from housework is exactly what i said to the paramedic, he laughed, i laughed and i caused my head started pouring blood again!!

Its all drama here isnt it?

I would spend the 5 euro just so I know how much of a liar he/they are. And so you have the evidence for when he turns the pressure up again.

Its quite possible they married, and that the 'please let me back' line was a ploy to get you onside again, so that he could get his hands on your money, for his future with her. Especially if the dawning fact that he was likely to be unsuccessful was likely to cause him/them other problems.

I think you tell him to f.. off and move on, and forget him. You still seem very wrapped up in his life, somehow.

I do see that it is hard though.

There's no point in spending 5e unless the relevant documentation has been made available to the Irish GRO and can be searched.

If you search now and are told there is no record, it may well be that's because the records haven't yet been compiled/collated and a different result may be obtained in a couple of months' time.

It also occurs to me that it could be the case that a UK citizen marrying in Eire may be required to have banns published at their nearest RO which is why I've suggested that checking with your local Registry Office should be your first port of call.

The system in Ireland may be similar to here in that notification of intent to marry is given to a church/registry office and sent to the GRO ostensibly for checks to be made as to whether the parties are free to marry. Given the number of cases of bigamy that occur annually, it's not a foolproof system.

But the point is that a notification of intentionto marry is subject to alteration. As an intended marriage may not take place, reliabilty can only be placed on obtaining a copy of the actual marriage certificate which, as I've said, may take some time before it is made availabe to the general public.

Check your local Registry Office first and give it a couple of weeks before you call Dublin and specifically ask how long it takes for them to have a record of a marriage that may have taken place perhaps in a parish church miles from anywhere.